His eyes dance. “Of course, I taunted my brothers with it. They were the practice-run babies, and I was perfection, so there was no need for more.”
I settle back in my chair and chuckle. “You were a little shit growing up, weren’t you?”
“Of course.” He sniffs. “I was the baby, after all. Plus, Massimo forged a narrow path using a machete through the trees. Vito clear-cut it a bit more. Then I rode my quad right through.”
I burst out laughing at the imagery, analogy, and explanation of how often it is for the younger siblings after the older ones had ‘broken in’ the parents. “You sound like a nightmare.”
“Nah.” He extends his hand on the table toward me, palm up, and I rest mine on top of his, fighting a sigh of relief that wants to escape at being in physical contact with him. “I’m glad you reached out to me tonight, and I could be here with you.”
“I’m… I’m glad, too.”
“I won’t pressure you, angel. However, I would like to be in your life, even if it’s only like this.”
“That will be hard, Creed.”
I'm torn because I do want him in my life, even if it can never be what it had been. However, it would be unfair to both of us because it would stop us from truly moving on. And eventually, hewouldmove on, and I’m not sure I could survive seeing that.
“Being apart… Being nothing to each other when we’reeverythingto each other?” His hand tightens on mine.
“That’s a never-ending pain. At least having you connected to my life, even if you’re notwithme, is a small balm that keeps the pain from overtaking me.” His tattooed thumb strokes over the back of my hand. “We can keep our friendship secret; that way, your family doesn’t have to know you’re friends with someone like me.”
I lower my eyes as they fill with tears because I feel so much guilt. “I’m not ashamed of you or our…”
Love.
“I know, angel. I understand your choice and am trying to accept it. However, I can’t let you go. Not entirely. Not now. Maybe never.”
We’re willingly fating ourselves to never being fully happy or loved.
“Creed…” I know the aching pain I feel coats my features, but I can’t hide the torture inside me.
“I know, angel.” His soul calls to mine through his deep and raw voice. “We’ll take it day by day. If it’s more painful for you this way, we’ll stop, and I’ll find a way to truly and fully let you go. But… just give this a try. Please.”
I feel my resistance waning. I shore it up to the point that I can resist him physically; however, I can’t resist him emotionally. Visualizing having him in my life, if only in a platonic way, at least has a little light, whereas the past two months have been nothing but dark.
I cave and nod.
He squeezes my hand, and in my mind, I hear him rumble ‘good girl’ in that deep and dark voice he uses, and I know I’ll be masturbating until the end of time to visions and memories of ‘my friend.’
Christ on a bike, I’m well and truly screwed.
Yet, I jump in with both feet.
Chapter 20
Sophie
Two months later
There’s nothing like diligentlyfocusing on a project and having your head taken off with a textbook.
“What the hell, Ollie?” I rub my head and turn to her.
She sits up on her bed, covering her mouth. “Oh my god, I totally didn’t mean to hit you.”
I scowl. “That hurt, you ass.”
“I’m sorry.” She gets up and hugs me, then flops on my bed, her curls bouncing with her body. “But you gotta take a break. That assignment is becoming your obsession.”