Page 113 of Hold the Line

“Deacon…”

I hesitated, unsure if I should tell him the next thing. Keeping it from him didn’t feel right either, though. He had the right to know. Whatever came next, I’d stand by him through it.

He raised his head, his tired eyes searching mine. “I love you so damn much, you know that?”

“I do.” I touched the stubble on his chin. “There’s something I need to tell you about Richie. I don’t know if you’ll want to hear it, but I’m going to tell you anyway.”

His brow lowered over his eyes. “You think I should know, then I should. You can tell me anything.”

“Okay,” I whispered, rubbing my lips together. “He protected me.”

Deacon jerked back slightly. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying he stood in front of me when that other man came in. He wouldn’t let him near me.” I put my hand on the center of my chest. “He shot him right here, and he went down hard. But he got himself back up, Deke. He put himself in front of me when that man shot me, and the bullet went into Richie first. He’s the reason it only grazed me.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “He saved me.”

Deacon shook his head. “No.No.He’s not some kind of hero. He put you in that position. Everything that happened after that was all on him.”

“I know, honey. I’m not saying he’s a hero. I hate what he did to me, and Iespeciallyhate what he did to you and Hailey. But when it came down to the wire, he did the right thing. It was his final act—he had to know it—and he chose to be brave.” My voice softened. “I just think…you know, maybe there was a tiny bit of good in him, and he finally used it.”

He drove the heel of his hand into his eye. “I can’t take that in right now.”

“You don’t have to.” I patted the space beside me in my bed. “Would you come lie with me? I need you closer.”

His brow furrowed with worry. “I’ll hurt you.”

“No you won’t. My head’s the only thing that got banged up. The rest of me needs you holding me.” I pulled on his hand. “You need it too.”

I expected him to resist. But Deacon surprised me by kicking off his boots and carefully sliding into bed next to me. He lay on his side, his arm curling around my middle, his warmth comforting me, his head resting on my pillow.

Turning, our noses brushed. “I thought of you. When it was almost over, I pictured your smile.”

His throat worked around a tight swallow. “It’s gonna be a while before you get one of those out of me.”

“I hope not.” I slid my fingers between his and held on. “I didn’t want to leave you, but in the last moments, I wasn’t afraid because I had you in my mind.”

A broken exhale escaped him before he pressed his face into the crook of my neck, his breath shaky against my skin. “I don’t think I’m ready to take that in either.”

“That’s okay.” I squeezed his hand. “We have time now.”

A pause. Then, so quiet, I almost missed it, he whispered, “It’ll never be enough.”

Maybe not. Maybe a lifetime together would always feel too short, but that was all we had, and I wouldn’t waste a second of it.

Chapter Forty-seven

Deacon

Itwasimpossibletostop myself from thinking about my brother’s final act of bravery.

Maybe theonlyact of bravery he’d committed in his entire wasted life.

I’d needed him to step up more times than I could count. He never had for me, but I’d never stop being grateful for the one time he did when it was to save Phoebe.

Two weeks of tangled anger, grief, confusion, and more anger had wrung me out. But I’d been dealing as best I could.

That I wouldn’t ever know why Richie had put himself in front of Phoebe burned me up. I’d never get to ask him how he thought it would play out when I hadn’t even had access to the product he’d wanted me to mule. I’d never know if taking Phoebe and Hailey had been a desperate act with no real plan or if he’d meant to hurt them.

I could have driven myself crazy trying to figure it out. But I had to accept that some questions would never have answers. And I had to move on.

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