Page 47 of Hold the Line

I shrugged. “I don’t have anything to offer.”

He shook his head. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. Did she break up with you?”

“She didn’t do anything wrong.”

What I’d done to her on Friday night had been inexcusable. How I’d convinced myself I could compartmentalize, I didn't know. But the second I noticed Phoebe walking up to the table I shared with Richie, I knew I had to keep her away. Even if it meant hurting her.

The stricken look on her face when I’d shaken my head had just about killed me, but if Richie had seen she meant something to me, it would’ve been worse. So much fucking worse.

“Wasn’t that Hannah Kelly’s little sister?” Richie craned his neck to watch her as she calmly walked out of the bar. “What the hell’s her name? Penny? No, Phoebe.”

The woman on my right snickered. I’d been told her name, but it didn’t matter to me, so I couldn’t remember what it was.

“There was nothing little about her,” she said.

“Shut up, Janie,” the woman on my left admonished. Didn’t know her name either, just that she was Richie’s girlfriend. “You only wish you had hair like hers.”

“You shut up, Jennifer. You don’t have to be rude.” Janie picked up a piece of her lank, straw-like hair. “I guess her hair was all right. At least she had one thing going for her.”

My hands balled into fists beneath the table, and I bit my tongue hard enough to taste copper to keep myself from roaring at all of them to keep their mouths shut. They didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as Phoebe, let alone talk about her.

Richie turned back around, his brows raised. “That was her, wasn’t it?”

I shrugged, my mind whirring to come up with an answer that’d make him lose interest. If I denied knowing whether it was her, he’d latch on, but if I acknowledged, maybe he’d let it go.

“Could’ve been.” I picked up my beer. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen her.”

Twenty hours, when she’d been in my arms, and I was kissing her good night. My gut knotted into an impossible tangle.

“Remember when you had a thing for her in school?” He chuckled to himself, mean and dirty, like everything about him. “You were fucking awful at hiding the hearts in your eyes. Like a little cartoon character…”

The straw-haired one, who Richie had brought to turn this whole thing into some kind of hellish version of a double date, trailed her nail along my arm. It took all my power not to jerk away in disgust. My skin was not hers to touch. The only hands I wanted on me were Phoebe’s.

“Is that your type?” she simpered.

“Yeah, is she?” Richie glanced back at the door. “Should I run after her for you?”

“High school was a long time ago,” I muttered. “Lot’s happened since then.”

“I guess so.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “My baby brother finally has his freedom back. No sense in wasting your time on anything less than the finest life has to offer.”

Janie scooted closer, and I had to swallow back bile. “Like me, baby,” she cooed.

I’d gotten out of there as quickly as I could, but the damage had been done. In some small way, it was a relief. Phoebe saw for herself who I was. There’d be no more knocking on my door. No more trying to see the good in me. And I wouldn’t be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It’d already happened.

“Talk to me,” Chris urged. “You were excited about her. I’ve never seen you like that.”

“It was a mistake to think I could have her.”

He grumbled, and I could tell he was getting angry at me. I didn’t like that, but I didn’t have it in me to make it right.

“This song and dance is getting old. I get you think you’re the worst man in the world and everyone is better than you, but that’s a lie you internalized a long time ago, and it’s time to shake it the hell off. Do you think I’d let you around Tilly if you were actually the piece of shit you claim to be?”

“I'd never let any hurt come to Tilly.” I tossed the rest of my sandwich in my bag. There weren’t any cookies in there today. Just a whole lot of emptiness.

He shoved my shoulder, harder this time. “Jesus, man. I know that. That’s exactly my point. You are what you make yourself. Would you ever tell your sister she’s the sum of where she came from?”

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