Page 13 of Feels Like Coming Home

Cam paused and looked at me before reaching over and placing his hand on my knee, looking me straight in the eyes as he did. It wasn’t sensual in any way but that same shot of lighting went down my spine again. A feeling of shame followed closely behind it.

“I’m not sure what the right thing is to say in this situation, but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for your loss, Haley. I know how happy you were with Connor, and I'm very sorry you lost him. Is there anything I can do for you?”

I could see in his face that he meant it, but I still wished he would move his hand from where it rested on my knee.

“You’re really kind to offer, but no. I'm only here for the weekend and am heading home on Monday. Plus, Piper is here to help me get through the weekend. My mom wanted to come but I told her it wasn’t necessary,” I explained, dreading the almost four-hour drive home. Getting here was hard enough, but going back knowing I would be going home to an empty house almost crippled me with grief all over again.

The mention of my mom made him smile, they had always gotten along and she was almost like a second mother to him when his sister was sick and his mom was preoccupied with taking care of her.

“I’m not surprised…Martha is always close when you need her. How is she doing?” Genuine interest and care for my mother was obvious in his question.

Growing up, my mom was always more of a friend than a mom, so everyone always called her by her first name. She always insisted on going by Martha instead of Mrs. Jones after my dad left, so it wasn’t weird that Cam addressed her as such.

“She’s good. She runs a local flower shop in Wilmington now that she’s retired. She moved there maybe five years ago to be closer to me and opened the shop the same year. She says she’s retired but is still working at the store every day.” I rolled my eyes because this was a constant argument she and I had. Me, telling her she needs to slow down and her, telling me I need to shut up and mind my own goddamn business.

There was no doubt that I got my tenacious spirit and willingness to try new things from her.

“That’s good to hear. I’m honestly not surprised, your mom talked about doing that all the time growing up. I’m glad she finally did.” I took a drink as Cam talked and tried not to notice how strong his jaw looked as he took another bite of his bear claw.

When he raised his coffee to his mouth, I definitely didn’t mean to stare at his muscles growing and stretching under his shirt. But I did, and another wave of grief and shame slammed into me because of how unfaithful I felt I was being towards Connor.

“Yeah, she likes it a lot and it’s made her new friends. I was in there the other day and—wait a second, what time is it?” I froze mid-sentence and set my coffee down on the table, digging into my bag to look for my phone.

Cam checked the sports watch he had on his wrist, “It’s just about 11.”

“Shit, I have to go or I’m going to be late. Where the fuck are my keys?” I hissed as I rifled through my bag wondering how so much crap could fit into such a small thing. When my fingers finally found them, I stood up to leave. Cam mirrored my movements and looked at me like a puppy who just had its toy taken away.

“I’m really sorry, but I have to go or my mother-in-law will have a conniption. It was so nice seeing you again, thanks for listening!” I waved my crumpled up napkin tissue at him as I sped toward the door.

As I pushed the door open, I felt the warm afternoon air on my face and watched as the cars whizzed by on the street. There was an energy to this city that I hadn’t felt in a while. It was alive when I had felt like I had only been surrounded by death for the last week.

It was almost the same as the energy I felt in my core after seeing Cam at my door my freshman year in college and the same I felt now as I walked toward my car after seeing him again, so many years later.

8

HALEY | THEN

Iswung the door open after hearing a knock and was surprised but happy to see him standing there, a backpack slung over his shoulder and his face a little flush. It was getting cold outside, as winter was just starting to creep in. All of the leaves on the trees had fallen, and the girls on my floor were starting to pull out their wool sweaters and heavier coats.

I grew up in Pennsylvania, but going to school in the Northeast was a whole new level of cold for me. Thankfully, fall and winter clothing were my favorite kind, so I didn’t mind the required shift in wardrobe.

What I did mind, though, was the thought of Cam skipping a game to come and knock on my door. I knew he was in the middle of his football season and he had a shot of becoming the real deal if he did things the right way.

“What the hell are you doing here on a Saturday morning? Don’t you have a game?”

Cam played football at a larger school a few hours away and had a full ride because of how good he was. Growing up, football was everything to Cam, and I loved his dedication to something he loved so much.

If only, I thought,I could be one of those things.

“What, Jones, you aren’t happy to see me?” His teeth started to peek out behind his smile and part of me wanted to know what they tasted like. I pulled my eyes away from his lips and returned them to his deep emerald eyes that haunted me in my dreams.

I sighed, “No. I'm—I just don’t know how you’re here right now. It’s the middle of your first season at school and I don’t understand how the hot shot, full ride, football star is standing in my doorway. Explain yourself, Johnson.” I shot his name back at him, my voice full of tease.

This is something we always did back in high school and since he called me Jones, I had to call him Johnson.

“Can I come in?” He ducked his head and pushed past me, entering my room without waiting for permission.

He looked around, taking in the room which wasn’t big. My roommate Piper and I had meticulously planned out our twelve-by-twenty dorm room so it now included matching bedding, matching towels, and both our monograms on the wall.

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