Page 17 of Feels Like Coming Home

“Is that why you came here this weekend…to see a friend?” My words came out just above a whisper.Say it, Cam. Please for the love of God, tell me what I have been hoping to hear you say for all these years now.

“No…not really,” he grumbled, still not looking me in the eye.

I took two steps closer to him and unfolded my arms. I was close enough to him now that he could see my feet in his line of view. It was as if he was attempting to burn a hole into the floor with his eyes, refusing to look up at me.

“Then why did you come here this weekend?” I asked him again.

A moment passed and I was starting to think what my gut was telling me about this entire situation had been wrong. I started to move away from him when suddenly, he reached for my arm, stood from the bed, and pulled me in for a kiss, right there in the darkness. He cupped my face and I could feel his fingers in my hair as he pulled me closer. My insides began to melt because the dream I’d had for so long was finally coming true. I went to pull away but he held me where we stood, kissing me deeper, running his tongue along the inside of my mouth.

Fine,I thought.If we’re doing this, we are doing it how I always wished it would happen.

I wrapped my arms under his and around his waist, pulling him into me. We stumbled backward because the alcohol I’d had at the party was making me dizzy. We stumbled together until Cam caught his hand against the wall, pressing me into it with his body. As he pressed against me, I could feel every muscle in his body contracting as he pushed his lips into mine even more. I answered the call of his body by forcing mine back against his and when I did, I could feel how hard he was through his jeans.

I pushed him gently, only for a moment to catch my breath. When I looked at him, Cam was looking at my lips with a coy smile across his face, breathing heavily.

“What are you smiling about?” I chuckled. Our alcohol-laced breath commingled between us.

“Nothing. This is way better than I dreamed it would be and I'm really glad I decided to get in the car this morning and come here.”

“You dreamed about this?” My voice came out small as I looked into his deep emerald eyes. I was surprised that he thought of me in this way at all.

“Haley, I’ve dreamed about a lot of things involving you. This is just one of the many.” He started kissing me again only this time more slowly than before. It felt as if the entire world had stopped moving as he held me against the wall and kissed me. I had kissed boys before but this, this was a whole other level of kissing. It was soft, yet deep and the taste of him was something I knew would ruin me forever. No kiss would ever make me feel the way Cam’s did.

Tired of being pressed against the wall, I placed both hands on his chest and guided him toward my bed, kicking off my shoes in the process. When we hit the edge of the bed, Cam sat down and moved back as I followed him. Crawling onto the bed, I found his lap and straddled it, both of my legs on either side of him. I looked at him for a moment, just long enough to take in his beautiful emerald eyes one more time, and then framed his strong face with my hands and kissed him again.

We went on like this for a while, kissing and devouring each other as much as the other would allow. He would bury his tongue in my mouth and then come up for air and press his lips to my neck. When he slipped his hands under my shirt, my breath caught in my throat and my skin started to tingle. His hands traveled up and down my back, exploring every inch of skin they could find.

A few times Cam tried to bring his hands to my chest but I stayed put, pressing myself firmly against him. It’s not that I didn’t want him to touch me there, I was just nervous and a little scared. I had never let a boy get under my shirt before…or my skirt for that matter.

“Haley…” He breathed heavily after a long stretch of kissing. I had denied him access to my chest again by keeping my body flushed with his, blocking his hands from going anywhere they hadn’t already been.

“Yeah…?”

“Are you okay?”

I continued to kiss him as I thought about my answer.

I was okay, right? I was with Cam, the boy I had been in love with since seventh grade and we were doing something I hadliterallydreamed of. Why was I being like this? He’s going to think I don’t like him or I don’t want him when I really, really do.

But something in my brain was sounding the alarms, telling me to stop now before I get hurt.

“Haley?” he pressed again after I didn’t answer him. He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes. God, his eyes. They called to me and spoke in a language I couldn’t understand but so desperately wanted to learn. They were beautiful and deep, and I wanted to jump into them two feet first.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I said, still looking into his eyes. I could feel his hands resting on my butt and his chest rise and fall, still catching his breath after our marathon make-out session.

“Do you wanna stop?” I could hear the slight hint of disappointment in his voice. Maybe he wanted me as bad as I wanted him.

There were two voices in my head screaming at me at the same time. One saying, ‘Holy shit, we are making out with Camden, in our bed, ALONE and in the dark! This is the best thing to ever happen to me!’And the other saying, ‘You know how this ends. He doesn’t want you, he’s told you that a million times. He’s just going to leave and choose someone else. Stop now while you can, or else you’re just going to get hurt.’

“No, I don’t wanna stop,” I said, silencing the second voice.

Cam pushed me off his lap, laid me down, and then lowered himself onto me. He felt so strong on top of me, yet soft at the same time. The thing I noticed most was how perfect his body felt against mine. Cam paused and looked at me, a look of admiration on his face.

“Do you know how beautiful I think you are?” he hummed, leaning down and kissing my neck. “And how much I have been thinking about kissing you? HowlongI have been dying to kiss you?”

My body reacted to his lips on my neck in ways it never reacted before.

“That’s why I came here this weekend. Because texting you and dreaming about you wasn’t enough anymore. I needed to be with you, like this, here, now.”

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