Page 25 of Feels Like Coming Home

“Haley…” His voice was low, and he cocked his head to the side.

Now it was my turn to sigh. “Yes, Cam, we’re okay. But you know how I feel about you, and I don’t want to be your rebound. I want to be the one you choose, the one you want. Not just the one you pick because you’re lonely or it’s convenient.”

“Haley, that’s not fair, and that’s not what this is.”

“Isn’t it?” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at the boy who could never seem to choose me no matter how obvious I was about my feelings for him.

“Isn’t that what has always happened the last few years? Ever since we were fifteen and I told you how I felt about you, you always seemed to never be available or willing to choose me. And that’s fine if that’s truly how you feel about me, but I don’t think it is. I think there’s more between us, you just won’t admit to it.”

Cam shifted where he stood as I continued, “But I can’t continue to be your second choice, Cam. I think it would be better if we were friends.Justfriends. Okay?”

He looked at me, a mixture of disappointment and understanding on his face. “Okay,” he said, nodding his head, “Okay, I get it. I’m with you. You promise we’re okay, though? And that we’re friends again?”

I wanted to ask him why he couldn’t just pick me.

Why he’d avoided the feelings Iknewhe had for me because they were the same I had for him. At the end of our freshman year of high school, under the bleachers, I had gotten brave and told him how I felt about him, and he brushed it off like it was a joke. Embarrassed and hurt, I went along with it for fear that our friendship would be ruined if I didn’t.

But there were times when he led me to think that he felt the same way about me. Certain texts he would send me between classes and the way I would find him looking at me from across the cafeteria. How, after he caught the winning pass at last year’s championship game, he ran tomein the stands and pulled me into a hug in front of the entire school. Cam’s actions told me he felt one way about me, but his words told me something else.

And it always left me feeling like I was never enough.

“Yes, Cam, we can still be friends. Forever and always.”

I spoke the words even though I didn’t mean them. I didn’t want to only be his friend, I wanted to be something more. I wanted to be the one he picked. The one he wanted. The one he loved.

Forever and always.

12

CAM | NOW

While my first season in Charlotte wasn’t horrible, it wasn’t great either.

We had a winning season but lost in the first round of the playoffs. Now that the season was over, we’d be done with games and official training for the next few months. Coach Mike told us to go and enjoy our time off and to not do anything so dumb that our names would end up in any papers or tabloids.

A lot of the guys who were married or had families were going to take big trips and travel, Harvey and his family included. Since we played over the holidays, the post-season was when a lot of the guys celebrated with their families.

“Got big plans for the off-season?” I asked Harvey as we packed up our lockers for the last time before we had to return for pre-season training.

“Yeah, Monica and the kids have been begging to go to visit their grandparents in California for a few months now. With the season being over, that’s where we’re headed.” The thought of seeing family sounded nice. I hadn’t seen my own family much over the last few years because of training and our game schedule.

There was only one person I wanted to see though.

“That sounds nice, I hope you guys enjoy your time out there. I’m sure it’s beautiful this time of year.” We walked through the hallway of the training center together, heading toward the parking lot.

It was mid-January now, and thankfully I’d been drafted to a team that plays in a warm weather state. The temperature had dropped considerably compared to the summer months and if you didn’t dress properly, the wind would cut right through you. My morning runs through the park were bearable, but only slightly.

“Monica is just excited to see me in person more than she sees me on the field,” Harvey replied. He threw his bag into the backseat of his truck and looked at me inquisitively. “What about you, what are you doing in the off-season? Going anywhere fun?”

I knew exactly why he was looking at me the way he was.

I had let him in on what had happened with Haley back before the first game of the season and all the history between us. I told him how we hadn’t seen or spoken to one another since we were eighteen but before then, we spoke almost daily. When I told him about how I went to Connor’s funeral after seeing her in the coffee shop the day before, he called me an asshole. He then told me I needed to mind my own goddamn business and keep my hands to myself.

“I’m only trying to be her friend!” I’d said defensively when he lectured me. I hated it when Harvey used his dad voice on me. It made me feel like a child.

“Yeah, no you fucking aren’t. I know you, Camden. Don’t be fucking stupid and leave her alone. She just lost herhusband. She doesn’t need some dickwad like you rolling up and trying to get into her pants.”

“I wasn’t trying to get into her pants…” I told him, intentionally leaving out the wet dream I’d had about her not even two weeks before running into her.

---