Page 41 of Feels Like Coming Home

My words came out more as a whisper, our faces slowly moving closer together. “I am right now…”

Our breath was starting to share the same space and I could feel my dick starting to get hard, the image of Haley from my dreams coming to my mind as the Haley in real life looked like she was thinking about kissing me.

Then, somewhere out on the beach, a dog started to bark, startling us both and causing Haley and I to pull away from one another and look toward the sound.

That’s it, I’m never getting a dog.

Haley untucked her legs from under her and dropped them so her toes were now helping me rock the swing. I cleared my throat, finished my beer, and set it down on the old, worn wooden deck. Even though her face was looking away from me and the sun had officially gone down for the day, I could hear Haley taking long, drawn-out breaths. I had noticed her do this when I found her sitting in Coastal Brews and was curious.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked, dropping my head toward her.

One more deep breath. “Sure.”

“What is that? The breathing thing you do? That was never one of your weird quirks growing up.”

“Listen here, Johnson, I’m getting really tired of you calling me names. Don’t think I forgot about how you called me a freak yesterday.” She bumped our shoulders together playfully.

I knew she was kidding, but I wasn’t. I wanted to know why she did it.

“I’m serious, Jones…”

Her face turned toward me again and she was chewing on her bottom lip, contemplating her answer. She let out a sharp breath from her nose before speaking.

“It’s something Deborah taught me, she’s my therapist. When Connor died suddenly, I was crippled by the fear that I would lose more people in my life unexpectedly like I had lost him—to the point where I couldn’t even leave my house. Which didn’t help either because being in my house is like being trapped in a time capsule of a relationship I no longer have because the man I loved for more than ten years is dead now. But that’s a whole separate issue I'm working on.” She paused, dropping her eyes to look toward her hands which were holding a now empty coffee mug.

“Anyway, Deborah taught me to do this when I was feeling overwhelmed by my emotions, to remind myself that I'm in control, even if my feelings are making me feel like I'm not. So…that’s what it is. A way for me to handle everything going on inside my head because recently, there’s a lot of shit in there.”

I looked at Haley, the light from inside shining behind her, her face starting to become illuminated by the moon. Even in the near darkness, I could see her entirely for who she was. Kind, forgiving, fiercely independent, and just the littlest bit broken by what life had put her through. She was beautiful though, even her broken pieces.

“I’m really proud of you Haley,” I remarked, giving her a lazy smile.

She scrunched up her face and looked out toward the water. “Proud of me? Proud of me for what?”

“For never being anything but you. For asking for help when you needed it. For being the strongest person I’ve ever met.” I took her hand in mine and she looked at them as they intertwined, acting as if she thought they would catch fire at any moment. When she didn’t pull her hand away, I continued, “You’ve always been the strongest person I know, even when we were growing up. I’ve always admired that about you.”

“Thank you…” she whispered.

Haley’s eyes hadn’t moved from our hands which were still intertwined between us. This was the closest physical contact we’ve had since I ran into her at the coffee shop in Charlotte and wrapped my arm around her as she started to cry. Just like then, there was a growing heat in my core…and my pants.

When she sensed that I was looking at her, Haley brought her eyes to meet mine and we sat on the swing, eyes locked, for some of the longest seconds of my life. Our faces were only a few inches apart and her eyes were flashing between my eyes and my lips. Suddenly, Haley cleared her throat and was standing straight up as if she had been stung by something.

“It’s uh…it’s getting late. You should probably go.” She grabbed the blanket from the swing and walked inside, leaving me alone with a growing hard-on and an empty beer.

I followed her inside, placing my empty bottle in the trash can as I passed it, and met her at the front door where she was waiting for me. When I got to where she stood, she looked me up and down once more with her eyes, chewed on her bottom lip, then swiftly opened the door and made a motion with her hand that told me I was free to go.

Ask me to stay, ask me to stay, ask me to stay.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going now…” I said, slipping my shoes on and slowly stepping outside.

Ask me to stay, ask me to stay, ask me to stay.

“Thanks so much for dinner, it was really nice of you. I’m sure Piper says thanks too.” Her words came out short and quick. Why was she suddenly pushing me out the door? I swore we had just had a moment on the swing, but maybe I read it wrong.

“You’re welcome,” I spoke slowly, trying to delay my departure even more, “I'm happy to bring food or whatever you might need whenever you need it. I'm here for you, Haley.”

“Oh, don’t worry about us?—”

I interrupted her and grabbed her free hand that wasn’t holding the door open. “I didn’t mean ‘you’ like you and Piper, Jones. I meant you and you alone. Whatever you need, whenever you need it. I’m here foryou, Haley.”

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