Page 48 of Feels Like Coming Home

“Cam, I cannot get on your back, I'm way too heavy. I’ll hurt you and your body is worth, like, millions of dollars a year.”

He turned and gave me a grin.

“While I’m flattered you just told me I have a million-dollar body; you are not too heavy for me to carry you. You’re perfect, and so is your body. Stop arguing and hop on.” He turned and tapped his shoulders again with his hands, waiting for me to follow his directions.

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I placed both hands on his shoulders and jumped up to wrap my legs around his middle. He wrapped his arms under my legs and shimmied me up a little higher on his back before starting towards the water. He carried me with such ease it was almost like he wasn’t carrying me at all.

I slowly started to move my hands from his shoulders to be loosely wrapped around his neck and set my chin on his shoulder. He smelled like he always did, a mix of pine, earth, and AstroTurf. I was confused about how he still smelled like turf since he probably hadn’t been on a field in weeks, but I breathed him in and let the smell comfort me anyway.

When we made it down to the shore, Cam stood with his feet in the water for a minute and I could feel him leaning into me. We stood just like this, Cam continuing to hold me, for a few moments before either of us spoke.

“Cam…are you going to put me down?”

“What if I say no?” He turned his head slightly toward mine, which still rested on his shoulder and our lips became dangerously close. “What if I don’t want to?”

I laughed in his ear, butterflies taking flight in my stomach. “Cam, please, you can put me down now. I’m pretty sure I’m flashing everyone who is walking behind us.”

He set me down and turned to look at me, a small smile on his face. “Well, we wouldn’t want that. No one should get a free show that I can’t also attend.”

I smacked his arm and he flinched, trying to defend himself from my attack. When I went to playfully hit him again, he caught my arm and pulled me close to his face. My breath caught in my throat as I watched his eyes flicker down to my lips. Not letting him hold me in place long, I pulled my arm away without warning and took off down the beach, running as fast as I could.

“Are you really trying to outrun an NFL player, Jones?!” He laughed and shouted down the beach at me.

“I’m not trying, I’m succeeding! First one to the trash can down the beach wins!” I didn’t slow down as I shouted back and tried to pick up my speed.

“Oh, you’re so on!” I heard him say, and within seconds I could hear the water behind me splashing as we ran down the beach through the water.

I pumped my arms hard and tried to remember to breathe as I got closer and closer to our finish line. As I was about to cross the invisible line, Cam blew past me, laughing and whooting as he did.

I crossed the finish line as he turned on his heels and started to charge directly at me. I screamed as I saw him, and turned as fast as I could, running away as if I was being chased by an apex predator. But I was tired and my legs couldn’t move as fast as they needed to escape him. When he caught up to me, Cam swung me around to face him and threw me over his shoulder. I hardly caught the edge of my dress and pulled it back down over my butt before it fell over my head, which would have fully exposed my ass to everyone on the beach.

“Cam! Cam put me down!” I was laughing harder than I had in months, tears coming to my eyes as he pranced around the beach with me still thrown over his shoulder. He was swinging me around like I was a trophy he had just won.

“I won! I won and you are my prize, Jones!” He laughed and spun around in a circle, holding onto me tightly to ensure he didn’t drop me or I didn’t fall. Feeling his strong arms wrapped around me like this made my insides grow hot.

“Cam! Please, Cam, you’re going to make me sick!” Still laughing, I begged for him to put me down, hitting his back with my hand like a wrestler did as they tapped out of a fight.

Finally, he gave in to my plea and gently set me down. I placed my hands on his chest to steady myself, still dizzy from being spun around. When I brought my eyes up from the ground and realized where my hands were, I pulled them away quickly and took a few steps back.

Cam was trying to catch his breath and smiling at me. I don’t know if it was his smile or the way his eyes shined when they looked at me, but my lungs suddenly struggled to produce air. I looked around the beach, taking in the ocean and the waves, trying to catch my breath. Being with Cam like this felt so easy, so light. Like nothing bad had ever happened to me or to us. When I was with him I started to feel whole again. My breath was starting to return to normal and I went to fix my hair as the pins that pulled it back had come loose.

Cam turned away from me and shoved his hands in his pockets. His eyes were fixed on the edge of the horizon and I could feel a shift between us. I stepped up beside him and followed the direction of his eyes. He shifted uncomfortably next to me and I looked up at him, confused by his sudden change in demeanor.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” I could sense that something in him changed and I needed to know what it was.

“Nothing’s wrong, not really. I just—I’m just trying to be respectful and not cross any lines with you.” He swallowed hard and didn’t look at me when he said it, his eyes still locked on the edge of the horizon.

“What do you mean,not cross any lines with me?” My voice came out small but I continued to look at him.

“Haley,” Cam started. “Being with you like this—it makes me so happy. It also makes me wanna kiss you. Shit, it makes me wanna domorethan just kiss you.” He finally broke his stare and turned to me, his eyelids hanging low and his hands still in his pockets. “But I also know that you’re still hurting, still healing, from losing Connor. I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re not ready to do. I’m trying to be your friend, no matter how much I don’t want to bejustyour friend.”

I looked at Cam as his words began to sink deep beneath my skin, right down to my bones.I don’t want to bejustyour friend.He was trying to be considerate and respectful of my feelings. This was not the Cam I grew up with. This Cam was more mature and thoughtful. He didn’t want to hurt me like he had in the past, but part of me still felt the need to guard my heart no matter how much it wanted to break out of the Cam-proof box I’d put it in so many years ago.

I broke my eyes away from his, for fear that if I looked into them for too long, I would fall right into them. With my eyes back on the waves, I took a deep breath like Deborah had taught me to do when my emotions were becoming too much to handle. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Cam studying me as I did, unsure of how I was feeling after hearing his confession.

“Being with you like this makes me happy too, Cam,” I started, tentatively. “I haven’t felt this light in a long time. Hell, I haven’tlaughedlike this in months. It feels easy being with you. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for you, but I think I always have. Those feelings don’t ever go away, even if you move on and find someone new like I did.” I chewed on the inside of my lip for a moment, feeling uncomfortable with the subject of Connor coming up.

“But I lost that person and I loved that person with everything I am. I don’t know if I'm ready to move on from that yet. I’m sorry…” My eyes cast down to the hem of my sweater which I was now playing with.

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