Page 52 of Feels Like Coming Home

I repeated Deborah’s words in my mind over and over until they were practically burned into my frontal lobe.Only we can decide when it's the right time for us to open up our hearts again when they’ve been bruised or broken.My heart had been both bruised and broken, but I could feel a small part of it, deep down inside me, starting to heal.

And that small part of my heart was telling me it was time to go back to what felt like home.

26

HALEY | NOW

The rest of the week went by in a blur and before I knew it, it was Saturday.

The same Saturday that I had a date with Cam.

Well, he called it dinner, but I was pretty sure it was a date. I woke up early that morning and did my morning ritual of coffee and quiet time out on the deck until Piper woke up and came to sit next to me on the swing. I had a blanket over my lap that she lifted so she could squeeze in next to me, our legs touching as she got comfortable.

It was the first weekend of February and the air was still brisk as it blew in from the shore. Piper's leg hung off the side and her foot kept the bench swaying slowly, forward and back. The two of us sat quietly next to each other on the swing, lost in our thoughts but enjoying one another’s company.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” she finally asked, breaking the morning silence, but keeping her eyes fixed on the water.

“About the conference,” I lied. Truthfully, I was thinking about how if my stomach didn’t stop flipping over every time I thought about my date, I was going to hurl. “What are you thinkin’ about?” I asked her back.

“I’m taking bets with myself on whether or not you’re going to let Camden get you naked tonight.” My eyes shot to look at her and my mouth fell open.

“Piper!”

“What? You know you’ve been thinking about it too, don’t fucking lie. I saw the look on your face the other night when he left after kissing you on the forehead. I thought I was going to have to grab a bowl for you to melt into when you came inside.” She laughed as she recalled my stunned expression and light-headedness when I came inside that night.

She wasn’t wrong. I had felt like I was going to melt into a giant puddle right there in the entryway of the bungalow. I breathed deeply, unsure of how to feel about what Piper was predicting. She looked at me finally and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before speaking again.

“Are you thinking about it?” Her voice sounded apprehensive as she spoke.

“Thinking about what?”

“Thinking about sleeping with him.” Her eyes looked away and back toward me, unsure of if she was crossing a line. The last time we had spoken like this I had burst into uncontrollable sobs, so her apprehension was understandable.

“In the way you mean? Not really. I’ve thought about sleeping with him, sure, but I haven’t really made up my mind on if I'm ready to do that yet. It just feels too soon, you know?”

Piper nodded and her lips pushed away from her face like a duck. “Did you talk to Deborah about it?” she asked, turning her head back to me.

“Not about sleeping with him, no, but about being with him.”

“And what did she say? If you’re okay with sharing…”

I bumped my shoulder into Piper’s and smiled at her. I loved how much she wanted to respect my conversations with Deborah and the privacy of them. But she was my best friend and I wanted to share this with her.

“She told me that we all have to decide for ourselves when it’s time to open up our hearts again after they’ve been bruised or broken.” I shrugged.

“I think that’s pretty sound advice,” Piper responded, her head bobbing up and down. She then scooted closer to me on the bench, roped her arms through one of mine, and laid her head on my shoulder.

“Hays, I feel as if it’s my duty as your best friend to say this. Whatever you decide to do, I'm in your corner. Sleep with him or don’t. I know that you’ll do what’s right for you. But if you do or if you want to, I want you to know that it’s not a betrayal to Connor. He would want you to be happy, sweetie, even if that happiness is coming from someone else.”

We both looked out toward the horizon, the sun finally starting to peek out above the shoreline.

Piper’s words both stung and gave me relief at the same time. It was as if she’d ripped off a Band-Aid that had been stuck to my skin for too long. It felt like she handed a permission slip to be happy and to chase happiness again. That I didn’t need to be weighed down by the feeling of loss or grief any longer if I didn’t want to be.

Her words also touched the small part of my heart that I felt healing deep inside of me and I was even more grateful to call Piper my friend.

Cam textedme around four o'clock to let me know he would be picking me up at six for our date.

He even called it a date in his text and reading the word made me smile. I decided to wear the nicest dress I packed, which was only a simple sundress that dipped down low in the back.

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