Page 61 of Feels Like Coming Home

Note to self: never wash this. Ever.

After pulling it down over my torso and pulling my hair through so it was behind my shoulders, I brought my eyes back to Cam who was looking at me with a grin.

“What are you looking at?” I questioned, tilting my head to one side.

“Just you, beautiful.” I could feel the heat in my cheeks again and took a quick bite of my sandwich.

“You were saying something before…” Cam probed, trying to bring us back to what we were talking about.

“Yeah, right. You asked if I was okay and honestly, I am…but I’m also apprehensive.”

He leaned back in his chair and his eyes glanced down toward the ground.

“I just, we have so much between us, Cam. And I wanted this—us to be together—for along timewhen we were younger. And you knew it. Fuck, ourmomsknew it. But there was always something that had you running away. And after that night in my dorm room, I just couldn’t continue being the one you didn’t choose.” My voice trailed off at the end and I braced myself for Cam to get up and leave, just like he had done in the past. I had my eyes on my plate as if my food was going to get up and run off when Cam finally spoke.

“Haley…” His voice was soft and my eyes flicked up to see he was back leaning on the table, his arm was reaching toward me, palm side up, asking me to take it. I paused and chewed my lip for a moment, considering, and then placed my hand in his. “I’m sorry for how I treated you then. It was wrong and stupid. I was stupid. But I made you a promise last night and I told you before, I’m not going anywhere. I will be here to prove that to you, for as long as it takes.” Cam’s green eyes swirled with what looked like hope and conviction.

I wanted to believe him. My heart wanted to believe him. But I'm a girl who has never ended up with a man who loved her enough to stick around for good. Even when I thought I’d found my forever, he left me too. Even if it wasn’t his fault or something he could control.

Looking at Cam now, his eyes told me I could trust him. But something in my core told me I needed to play it safe and not let him in too quickly.

Because the last time I had, he was gone the next day without even saying goodbye.

31

HALEY | THEN

The sound of a slamming door in the hallway woke me up and I reached across my bed where I expected to find Cam sleeping next to me.

My brain was still fuzzy from the booze I’d had at the party, but Iknewthat what we had done and what he had promised me in the darkness wasn’t just a drunken dream. As my arm searched for him, it only found a large empty hole where I remembered he had been last night when I fell asleep. My eyes burst open and I sat up quickly in my twin-size bed, searching the room for him. Looking to my left, the bed was, empty and void of any piece of him.

I glanced around the room, spotting Piper still asleep in her bed with the sheets pulled up and all the lights still off. I squinted in the darkness to see if I could find Cam’s jacket, shoes, or backpack. I rubbed my head because the hangover was already starting to make my brain spin. As I looked around the room, it was as if he was never here. His shoes were gone from their spot at the end of the bed where he’d kicked them off last night and his jacket and backpack were missing too.

My toes hit the cold tile floor of my room and I reached for my desk, which sat next to my bed, to balance myself. My insides churned uneasily, both due to the alcohol sloshing in my stomach and because the small fears I felt last night were coming true. When my hand hit the edge of my desk, a piece of paper crinkled under it.

My eyebrows furrowed together as I pulled the small paper to my face so I could read it. I had to hold it unusually close because I was blind as a bat without my contacts, and my brain wasn’t functioning enough to tell me to find my glasses. It was a post-it note from my desk, I discovered as I held it at the tip of my nose, and it had two words scribbled on it.

I’m sorry.

Recognizing Cam’s handwriting, my heart sank into my chest as it pictured him climbing over me quietly, reaching into my desk to find something to write on, and then sneaking out without even saying goodbye.

I’m sorry?!

I couldn’t believe it.

I didn’t want to believe it.

My hands scrambled through my bed searching for my phone when I remembered I’d left it in my purse after coming home with Cam. Frantically, I grabbed it off the back of my chair and dumped the contents of it onto my bed, snatching my phone up as it tumbled out. I pressed the lock button a few times, trying to get it to light up and turn on, but it didn’t.

Cursing under my breath, I reached for my phone charger that hung from the side of my desk and cradled my phone in my hands. My head was swirling with a million thoughts and I tried to take a few deep breaths.

Maybe he didn’t leave. Maybe he went to go get coffee. Maybe he meant what he said last night and just had to get back to campus or something. We would still be able to spend winter break together and New Year’s Eve like he promised. He didn’t run out on me, he couldn’t have. He made me a promise that we would be together.

He promised.

My phone finally illuminated in the dark room, the battery level showing me a measly 2% charge. I swiped my thumb across the screen and punched in my passcode, failing twice because I was going too quickly. My heart was racing and my brain was trying to keep up with the mixture of fear, abandonment, and anger that were rising inside my belly along with a heavy side of nausea.

I clicked on the messages app to see if he had sent me anything, but he hadn’t. I also didn’t have any missed calls or voicemails from him either. My hand came to my mouth to muffle the sounds of the panicked breath that was escaping me. I went to my address book, typed in his name, and called him.

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