Page 62 of Feels Like Coming Home

No answer.

I called him again.

No answer.

I glanced at the clock and did the math. There was a four-hour drive between Cam’s school and mine, and it was a little after eight. He would have had to have left before 4 AM to be back home now, which I couldn’t believe he would do. Cam was an early riser, but not that early.

I decided to call him for a third time and got his voicemail yet again. I left him a voicemail and calmly asked him to call me back as soon as he could. I also sent him a text message.

Cam, where did you go? Why did you leave? You promised…

I considered what I was about to type and hit the backspace before sending my final text.

Cam, where did you go? Why did you leave? Please call me when you get the chance.

Cam, it’s me. Please. You haven’t texted or called me back and it’s been like six hours. I just want to make sure you’re okay and not dead alongside the road somewhere lol

Please just call or text me when you can.

Clearly you’re back on campus, I saw you on Harvey's Snapchat. The least you could do is tell me that you made it back but whatever. I’m glad you’re okay.

Hello? Earth to Cam? It’s been days and I'm starting to think I have the plague or something that you’re trying to avoid lol

Text me back, I wanna talk.

Cam what the fuck?! It’s been a week and I have been trying to call you or at least get you to text me back but I don’t wanna be a psycho either. PLEASE, can we talk? I’m not mad, just confused. Please.

Congrats on the big game win! I saw you catch the winning pass! I hope you go and have fun tonight but don’t have too much fun.

I’m really proud of you Johnson.

Hey Johnson. I just got out of my public speaking class and it made me think of that presentation we had to do back in sophomore year for our final and you got so nervous you almost barfed in front of the whole class! HAHAHAHAH It made me smile thinking about it.

Anyway, I hope you’re good and school is good.

Cam.

It’s been over a month since you came to visit me and you still haven’t texted or called me back. Don’t worry, I’ve gotten the message. But I want you to get the message too.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be the girl who is always waiting for you on the sidelines just hoping you will choose her. I can’t continue to be your second choice. I’ve done it for literally *years* and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve sat back, watched you date other girls, kiss other girls, and even help you get other girls' numbers, all while pretending it didn’t bother me.

But it did. It always did.

Because I wanted it to be me and not them.

Then you showed up at my door, unannounced, and I just let you take my heart right out of my chest. You protected me that night from that lame ass at the party. You held me that night in my bed as I fell asleep. We…did things together that I had only ever dreamed I’d get to do with you. That meant something to me, Cam. It means so much to me. And I thought it meant something to you too but clearly not.

I want you…no, I need you to leave me alone. I’m done. Please don’t text me anymore or call me, but that shouldn’t be too hard seeing as how you’ve been avoiding me for weeks now. I need to move on and stop holding onto something that is clearly never going to happen.

Goodbye Cam.

Oh, and one more thing.

Don’t think for a second that I was asleep when you said what you said. I might have had my eyes closed, but I heard you say that you loved me that night.

And I think that’s what hurts the most.

Because I love you too, Cam.

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