Page 90 of Feels Like Coming Home

“Okay, good. Now tell me five things you see around you.”

I did what she asked and thought about how much I loved her. Piper was always in my corner and always tried to make me feel better. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.

“Are you ready to get up now?” she asked, sitting on her knees and offering me her hands.

“I’m tired,” I whispered, trying to meet her gaze again. Something most people don’t know about anxiety attacks is that they’re physical and exhausting. They take everything out of you no matter how big or small they are. And this one was the biggest I’d had in months.

“I’m sure you are, sweetie. Can you stand? I’ll take you to your room so you can sleep.” She offered me her hands and we stood together.

We walked down the hallway, Piper’s arm wrapped around my waist as she led me to my bedroom. Once inside, she helped me change out of my dress and into my pajamas. She pulled the covers back on my bed and pulled them up to my chin once I was safely tucked inside.

Piper was my best friend, but right now, she was acting like the sister I always wanted.

Before she left my room, she leaned down and kissed my forehead, a tight smile on her lips as she pulled away.

“You gonna be okay, Hays?” she whispered in the doorway before she left my room.

I didn’t answer her and turned over so I was facing away from her. She took that as her answer and left my room, closing the door behind her. Once I heard the small click of the door shutting behind her, my eyes squeezed together as tears sprung in them once more.

I couldn’t answer her question because giving her an answer felt too painful. It felt like if I vocalized it, I would break into a million little pieces all over again.

No, I’m not going to be okay, I thought to myself.Because Cam doesn’t love me and now he’s leaving me again. This will be the thing that ruins me for good.

I cried into my pillow as quietly as I could to avoid having Piper come in and check on me. I wanted to be alone. I figured I should get used to the feeling since it was clear that I will be alone for the rest of my fucking life.

I don’t even remember falling asleep, eyes still wet with tears, and my heart breaking into a million little pieces.

43

CAM | NOW

It’d been ten minutes since Piper yelled at me through the door and I was losing my fucking mind standing on the porch. I knew I could have just walked in, I didn’t hear anyone lock the door, but I also wanted to respect Haley’s space.

I wanted her to come back to me.

To choose me.

To let me in.

But she didn’t, and when I heard her start to cry and Piper asked if she was okay, I panicked.

Was she hurt? Did she need help? Should I just say fuck it and go inside? I wanted to be next to her so badly but I also knew that I was part of the reason she was hurting.

I scanned my brain through our conversation over and over again, trying to pinpoint what I had said that upset her. I mentioned going home, but not leaving her. The whole point of asking her to go for a walk was to talk to her about me staying with her for a few more weeks in Wilmington until I had to report back for spring training. We didn’t even get that far though before she ran off and got pissed at me.

As I was dissecting every syllable of our conversation and pacing on the front porch of the bungalow, the front door swung open. I turned quickly and my heart dropped when I saw that it was Piper, not Haley, standing in the doorway.

“Where is she?” I asked hastily.

“Come inside and be quiet.” Piper’s tone was short. I could tell she was pissed by the icy expression she was shooting me.

I did as I was told and slowly stepped inside the door, Piper closing it softly behind me. I slipped my shoes off and followed her as she waved her hand at me. We walked through the kitchen and out onto the back porch. Piper closed the sliding glass door behind us and sat down on the porch swing. The last time I was out here I was with Haley, her head in my lap as I stroked her hair and we watched the waves come in and out on the shoreline.

“Sit down.” Piper’s words were sharp and stung like venom. I felt like I was being scolded by my mother or my very scary fourth-grade teacher, Mrs. Brownstein.

I sat down next to her, not saying anything, my hands anxiously rubbing against my knees. Piper didn’t look at me and sat sitting straight up on the swing, her eyes facing the water. Anger, fear, and a hint of sheer insanity sat on her face and I braced myself for the verbal lashing I knew she was about to give me. Piper was a great person until you threatened or harmed the people she loved. Then she was a lioness out for the kill. No mercy. No holds barred.

“What the fuck did you do?” She looked at me, her eyes cutting me to the core.

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