Page 94 of Feels Like Coming Home

“Haley, I wish you’d told me sooner that you were struggling.”

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to stop the tears from coming to the edge of my eyes.

“Hey.” He swiped his thumb over my lip. “You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to hold it back or pretend. You’re safe with me. You don’t have to hide.”

Again, I tried to move away from him, to hide in my bedroom until he left, but he wouldn’t let me go. He kissed my forehead again and my heart, the little traitor, flipped behind my sternum.

“I’m fine, Cam,” I lied. Because I wasn’t fine. I hadn’t been fine in almost a year.

That’s why I had Deborah. That’s why I did the breathing exercises and chewed my lip until it bled. That’s why I would consider and reconsider my words a hundred times before speaking them aloud. It’s why I didn’t leave my house or change my clothes or sleep in my own bed. It’s why I couldn’t believe Cam when he told me he wasn’t going to leave me. That he loved me. That he wanted to be with me.

Because I wasn’t fine.

And Cam was seeing that now.

Just how unfine I actually was.

And I knew it would be another reason he would use to leave me for good.

“Jones, I’ve known you since we were six years old. I know when you aren’t fine and you’re not. I see it in your eyes.” He tilted my chin up so I had to meet his gaze. “But I promise you, I love you anyway. Whether you’re fine or not fine,I love you.”

I don’t know if it was his eyes or how he smelled or the way he spoke, but a small flutter of hope started to swell in my chest.

“I get it now. Why it’s so hard for you to believe me when I say that I love you or that I won’t leave you.” He paused. “Well, I don’t totally understand it, but I hope you will talk to me about it more so I can start to understand.”

A small laugh escaped me because I knew what he meant.

“And I hope”—he planted a soft kiss on one cheek—“that with time”—he kissed the other cheek—“and daily reminders”—he kissed my nose—“that you start to believe”—and then my neck—“that I love you and that I'm never leaving you. Ever.”

He took my face in both hands, his strong fingers on both of my cheeks and sealed his promise with a kiss.

When his lips touched mine, I felt the words start to sink in. They didn’t feel like words, they felt like something real. Like something I could hold in my hands or steady ground that I could stand on. It felt different this time, hearing him tell me he loved me. That he was never going to leave me. Maybe it was the electricity that shot through my veins every time I felt his lips on my skin or maybe it was because when they did, all the voices in my head went silent. For once, there was silence.

No panic.

No worry.

Just silence and safety.

I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and started to cry as we stood in the kitchen, kissing one another softly.

When Cam felt the wetness on my cheeks, he pulled away and looked at me with concern.

“Haley, beautiful, what’s wrong? What did I say? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to?—”

“Cam.” I brought my hand up to his cheek and he leaned into it like he always did. “I love you.”

His face fell and I knew I had stunned him with my words.

“You what?” Cam nearly stuttered and I had to bite back a laugh. He was so cute when he was thrown off guard.

“I said”—I mimicked his actions and kissed one of his cheeks—“I”—my lips moved to kiss the other cheek—“love”—then his nose—“you.” And I sealed my promise with a kiss, just like he had.

A slow growing grin bloomed on his face before he laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist. He lifted me off my feet as I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my nose into his neck. When my feet were back on the ground, he grabbed my face again and kissed me hard this time.

“I’ve been waiting almost twenty years to hear you say that, Haley Jones,” he said breathlessly, breaking our lips apart.

“And I’ve been waiting since I was sixteen for you to be mine, Camden Johnson,” I confessed.

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