Page 32 of Mending Me

“Do the guys know you lojacked us?” I couldn’t believe my friend was tracking all of us. I guess it makes sense, he does own a security firm. But damn.

“No, and I would appreciate you not telling them. I only told you because I knew I could trust you not to flip the fuck out about it like a child. And don’t go thinking you can remove the tracker. If you do, I’ll know and just install a new one.”

I looked at my friend warily.

“So,” he continued, “How’s your girl?”

My lips pushed up as the thought of her being ‘my girl’ filled my head. No one had ever made me feel the way I do like she does. Just the thought of her made me smile.

“She’s good.” I nodded, taking a bite of my sandwich. I wanted to talk to him about her, but what we had still felt so new. I didn’t want to overshare or make a big deal about it too soon. But last night she had told me she felt the same way about me that I felt about her, so maybe talking about it wasn’t a bad idea.

“Just good? I checked how long you were at her place. You went over there after the campaign last night and didn’t leave until this morning. Please tell me things were more than justgood.”

“They were…” I started. The moment of panic I remembered seeing on her face flashed in front of my eyes. My eyebrows pushed together and I chewed on my lip, thinking about what could have caused her to suddenly feel that way when everything was fine up until that point.

“But….” He noticed the face I was making and gave me a questioning look.

“But, I don’t know man. Things were good, we were…connecting.” I wasn’t going to give him the details while families and tourists were walking around us in the middle of a Thursday afternoon. “But something seemed to spook her. I don’t know what happened. I asked for her consent, she seemed into it, but once we hit a certain point she just…froze.”

“And what did you do?”

“I told her we didn’t have to go any further than she wanted to go. She tried to tell me she was fine but I could tell she wasn’t. I don’t know. I know there’s more to her that she isn’t ready to share with me yet and I won’t force her to. When she’s ready to share, I’ll be ready to listen.” I finished my sandwich and crumpled up the brown paper bag in my hands. My eyes looked out towards the water, trying to understand what had caused her to freeze up like she did.

“Are you going to ask her about it?” he asked. “I’m assuming you’re going to see her again.”

“I don’t know if I can yet. We’ve only gone out a few times and going to her place last night wasn’t exactly planned.” My mind went to what I would say to her when I called her like I promised. I wanted to see her again, hell, I longed to see her again. I hadn’t been lying when I told her that it felt like a piece of me was missing when she wasn’t around.

“She knows about the scars,” I added, keeping my eyes on the water. I could see him look at me quickly out of my periphery.

“Did she ask about them?”

“No. But I didn’t really give her a chance. I didn’t want to ruin the moment by explaining them to her. It’s part of the reason I feel like I can’t ask her about what happened last night. There are things about me I haven’t shared with her either.” As I spoke, the deeply embedded scars on my back seemed to throb, as ifthey knew I was talking about them and they were reminding me of the pain and anger that plagued my past.

No one knows about the scars on my back except for me, my friends, and the man who put them there. When I was on active duty, many of the men I went to war with saw them, but no one ever asked where they came from. We all seemed to have our own scars, visible or not, so no one asked about anyone else's because they never wanted to have to explain their own.

“Well,” his strong hand clapped me on the shoulder, “I think you’re a good man for not pushing her to do anything she wasn’t ready to do. And I think, if you feel the way I think you feel about her, you should share a little bit of yourself and maybe that will make her feel safe enough to do the same. Good relationships are about mutual trust.”

“Says the man who has secret trackers on each of his best friends,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“I trust you guys as my best friends but I don’t trust you fuckers to not go out and do something stupid. It’s for your own good.” He laughed and stood from the bench. I stood with him. “For real, brother, I’m happy for you. I think if you share this piece of you with Bailey, she might do the same. I don’t know her very well, but she seems like a good one.”

“She is a good one. Thanks for talking, Kolb. I won’t tell the others about the trackers if you don’t tell them about last night. I’m not ready for everyone to be in this yet. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.”

“Your secret is safe with me, brother.”

19

BAILEY

It had been a few hours since Hank left and I was sitting on the floor of the living room scrolling job listings on my laptop. The TV was on in the background because I never liked to sit in pure silence for too long. My fingers swiped the trackpad on my computer as my eyes sifted through the sea of job openings based here in the city.

My heart sank as I continued to scroll because I missed the job I used to have. I had gone to school for hospitality and tourism, and had scored a major events director position at one of the largest banquet halls in the city. My job was chaotic, had insane hours, and I had to deal with crazy-ass people at least every other week, but I loved it. I loved how fast paced it was and the satisfaction that came with an event going off without a hitch. There was nothing more fulfilling than seeing the final event take place and hearing how much the attendees enjoyed themselves. I smiled, recalling all the fantastic events I had directed, when my mind took me back to the night that changed everything for me.

“Shut up and stay quiet and I won’t kill you,”the man had growled after he pulled me down to the ground by my ponytail. He’d come up from behind me as I was taking out the trash for the night. I was trying to help the caterers clean up so they could go home sooner and was alone in the back alley of the event hall. I had just turned the corner to head towards the dumpsters when my neck snapped behind me and I fell to the ground. He was on me before I could even process what was happening.“Now be a good little bitch and lie still for me, this won’t take very long.”I crushed my eyes closed trying to push his voice out of my head. I fought as hard as I could to get him off of me and had bruises for weeks after to prove it. When I wasn’t strong enough to escape him, he stripped me of my dignity and stole a piece of my soul in less than twenty minutes.

The sound of the door being unlocked pulled me out of my memory. I looked towards it to see Ophelia coming home for lunch as she had promised when she left this morning. I waved at her from my spot on the floor and waited to say hello as she was on the phone.

“Sure. Okay. Yes, Dale, that’s fine.” She looked at me and rolled her eyes as if the person on the other end was annoying her. “Mmhmm, okay well I’m home now and it’s my lunch hour so we can pick this up when I am back at the office. Goodbye, Dale.”

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