Page 43 of Desperate Haste

Malcolm, please explain to me why my wife is asking me if I knew that you have tattoos next to your dick and if I’ve ever considered getting some in the same spot.

Kolbi:

I’m more interested in the fact that she told us you were at Ophelia’s all weekend and you failed to tell any of us this?

Connie:

What the fuck?

Since when do you have dick tattoos?

I do not have dick tattoos you fuckwad.

I just have tattoos next to my dick.

Hank:

And why does my WIFE know this?

Listen man, she walked in on me unannounced. It’s not my fault I had just gotten out of the shower and she caught me with my pants down.

Kolbi:

What’s going on with you and Ophelia?

Connie:

Yeah, Malcolm, care to share with the class?

Hank:

I should fucking deck you.

Oh great, she’s now asking if we can go on a double date with you and Ophelia.

Fat chance of that happening.

Kolbi:

So you two *aren’t* dating?

Connie:

Malcolm doesn’t ‘date’, remember?

I’d happily date her if she’d let me.

Fuck, I’d call her my girlfriend if she wasn’t totally against it.

Hank:

She won’t let you call her your girlfriend?

Kolbi:

Oh my god are you dating…you?

Connie:

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