Page 94 of Never Been Worse

For a moment, I contemplate continuing to say I’m fine, but with their discerning eyes on me, I can’t.

“I think... I think I needed this time.”

“Why?”

“To prove to myself I can,” I admit. When Ava looks at me confused, I elaborate. “I’ve never been alone. At least, not in the past four years. Shouldn’t I be on my own for a bit before I commit to forever? I was with Jeremy for so long, then right after ImarriedWes. I’m…”

“You’re punishing yourself by trying to prove you can be single,” Ava says, irritated by the idea and rolling her eyes. “Jesus, Harper. You’re so thick-skulled sometimes.”

“What? It’s a valid concern. I’ve never…beenalone!”

“That’s a lie,” Jules says.

“Excuse me?”

“You were alone almost your entire relationship with Jeremy, you just didn’t want to admit it. You’ve been more yourself in the last two months than we’ve seen you be in years. You lost yourself when you started dating Jeremy, but I think every time you did something to get back at him, you stole a bit of it back. I think being loved the way you deserve had something to do with that, but it’s just the cherry on top.”

I sit there taking in her words and realizing the truth of them. “I love him,” I whisper.

“No shit,” Ava says.

“I haven’t told him. I…I’m scared.” I expect my friends to interrupt or ask why, but they don’t, and their silence emboldens me. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before. Not the way you fell with Jaime or you with Nate.” Ava and Jules smile at me. “What happens if he doesn’t feel it too?”

Now, Ava interrupts me with a scoff. “God, the man has been in love with you for years,” she says.

“I don’t?—”

“Trust me, they’re right,” Stella says. “He’s been waiting for you. When you’re ready and you finally tell him, he’s going to run a marathon.” I laugh at the idea of that. “He’s miserable, you know. Spending almost every day at my house, makingmemiserable.”.

“Really?” I ask, a bit of guilt moving through me.

She nods. “Okay, now that we’ve covered what an idiot you’re being so you can call your husband up and tell him to come fuck you into a good mood, can wepleasetalk about this gorgeous dress?”

I smile, more than happy to change the subject.

“Seriously, it’s so pretty,” Jules says, taking Ava’s hint.

“Willa’s excited,” Stella says, and I smile.

“Really?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t play coy, Harper. It’s not a good look on you. Of course, she is. She’s excited to be a part of this, for one, but also because of what you’re doing for her.” She gives me wide eyes, and excitement takes over the leftover melancholy.

“I can’t believe this is my life,” I whisper. “That all of the mess led to…this.” I wave my hand at the dress forms.

“You deserve it and so much more,” Stella says, reaching over and holding my hand, looking into my eyes.

“Stop, you’re going to make me cry,” Ava says, then starts waving at her face at the same time Stella’s eyes well up.

“Okay, enough of this,” I say with a laugh, pulling away as my own eyes start to water at the community and support system I’ve built for myself. “We should go get lunch.”

Lunch goes fine, with paparazzi screaming at us as we enter and leave, but ignoring them all the same. When I get home, Stella sends me a copy of the articleFan Magazineis publishing tomorrow to announce their pregnancy, and I cry, both with relief that they made it through this and joy that this woman I now call one of my good friends is getting her well-earned happily ever after.

I spend the rest of the day working, pinning, and sewing, completely losing track of time. It’s late when the doorknob of the cottage turns, my heart jumping to my chest. I locked the door, but it seems somehow someone is getting in. Maybe a paparazzi? Some stalker? FuckingJeremy? My mind skipsrightpast any reasonable answers in my exhausted state and moves to the most dangerous ones, obviously.

I reach for my phone to call for help, assuming there must be some creep breaking in. I’m in the process of unlocking my screen, the fucking face recognition failing me at the worst time, when the door cracks open and a familiar face steps in, making my entire body relax.

“Jesus Christ, Wes! You scared the shit out of me!” I say, grabbing a pillow I had planned to use to defend myself and throwing it at his head.

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