Page 30 of Tourist Trap

See what I mean? Why has everyone lost every ounce of common sense?

“She’s six years younger than me and insane and constantly getting into trouble.” My mother stares at me for a moment, and I continue to explain. “She fell off a bar top at Surf the other day and then went into the freezing cold ocean. I had to go in after her.”

My mom cringes, picturing the biting cold, but then shrugs.

“So she likes to have fun. Is it in a way where it hurts other people? Does it make it so she can’t be relied on or trusted?”

I give that thought amount before I sigh and shake my head. “She used to nanny for her older brother’s kid, and Helen gave her the head lifeguard position, so she has to be semi-responsible. But she’s the youngest of four kids, so she’s been babied her whole life.”

“You know, I know because it was just you, me, and Paul that you had to grow up pretty fast. I always regretted not giving you the freedom to be a kid, to be a dumb teenager,” she says, a hint of regret in the words.

I got my first job at twelve as a junior lifeguard because I wanted surfing lessons and a surfboard, and my mom couldn’t afford it. I never stopped working when I realized it could help lessen the burden my mom held as a single parent, but I never saw that as abadthing. It taught me to be hardworking, to save, and to be responsible.

In contrast, Paul got an allowance from Mom by the time he was in high school since the coffee shop was up and running, and he never had a job all through college. He never saved a dollar in his life, obviously, since he goes through cash like water.

Claire, on the other hand, clearly knows how to save,I remind myself, but I don’t want to hear that right now.

“That has nothing to do with anything, Mom.” She shrugs as if agreeing to disagree. “I think she needs to grow up.“

“Why?” Mom asks, head tipping to the side with interest.

“What?”

“Why? Why does she need to grow up?”

“Because…” I pause because when she asks outright like that, I can’t exactly think of a good reason. The same uncomfortable guilt I felt in the kitchen this morning moves over my skin, making it feel like I need to wash it off.

WhydoesClaire need to grow up?

Aside from eating junk as a large chunk of her diet, she’s not living some grandly unhealthy life. She isn’t hurting anyone, isn’t causing trouble other than the harmless kind. She isn’t racking up debt that I know of or taking advantage of people.

She’s just…enjoying her life.

Is that so wrong?

The question tears at me a bit because if the answer is no, there’s nothing wrong with her living her life the way she wants to. That also means I’ve been unfairly judging her, and I don’t like the way that makes me feel, the way it makesmethe bad guy in this situation.

Especially when I realize she has never once held my judging her against me. Instead, she jokes with me, flirts with me, and tries to help me find ways to loosen up.

Which is just another example of the sunshine and joy that is Claire Donovan.

“Looks like you might have some things to think about, kiddo,” Mom says with a smile. “Like I always told you, just because someone is different doesn’t make them wrong.”

I grumble a response, and she laughs, but all the while, my mind is reeling, and guilt churns in my gut.

Someone walks into the shop, and Mom winks at me before standing from the table we’re sitting at and walking behind the counter to help the customer. I stay for a bit longer before I say goodbye and head out to my car.

I sit there for a while, staring at my phone and trying to decide what to do next, all the while painfully aware of what an ass I’ve been. I took a shitty morning out on her, and she didn’t deserve that.

Sorry. I was a dick earlier.

Text bubbles arise almost instantly, then disappear, then appear again, my heart rising and falling with each change. It’s like I’m a teenager waiting for some girl to call me back.

So fucked, Miller. You are so very fucked.

Yeah, you were.

There’s nothing wrong with having fun. No one actually has anything figured out, and if they say they do, they’re all lying. You’re just honest about it.

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