Page 5 of Mr. Big Stuff

“How is my baby girl on her first day?”

“I’m okay, Mommy. I came in late though. I have no idea why they always want to do roadwork on route twenty-eight.”

“Don’t fret about it, baby girl. You know now so you’ll take another route, or you’ll leave earlier. You’re a smart girl, Tracey.”

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. I didn’t feel very smart. I had been in a great job and I left it because I was all in my feelings.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Whether I was near her or not, my mom could always sense my moods. Even when I did everything to bury them beneath my smiles and laughter.

“Nothing. Just thinking about this new job.”

Her grunt told me she didn’t believe me but wouldn’t call me on it.

“What’s your boss like?’

I wanted to tell her he was the finest man I had ever seen. I wanted to tell her that not only was he fine, but he was more intelligent than any man I’d known. Not that he said much, but I could feel it. I knew he was everything he proclaimed to be.

“He’s nice.”

Mommy was silent long enough that I felt her thinking.

“Tracey, you know that I’m proud of you, don’t you?”

Not that my mom lacked affection, she didn’t. She gave me and my brother Reggie plenty of hugs and wet kisses I’d later wipe off, but she wasn’t very mushy with the words. Not only that, Reggie seemed to be the star of the family. He was a researcher of environmental effects of pollution on minority groups or something like that, at the University of Pittsburgh. Accolades from all over the country lined the walls of his office. He was the brilliant one. I was just Tracey.

“Baby, do you hear me? I am proud of you, and I always will be. Don’t ever think there is a thing you can do in this world to disappoint me because that’s not you. You do your best and your best will always be enough for me, baby.”

The tightening of my throat prevented me from responding right away so I nodded as if she could see me. Her next words confirmed that she could hear my heart in her own way.

“Then if I’m proud of you, my own little mini me creation,youshould be proud of you. You have to love yourself more than anyone else does, baby. Or else you hold yourself back.”

I thought of all the things Mommy and I didn’t talk about after my father died so early in their experience called life. So many of her dreams died with him because she became responsible for the debt he left behind and trying to keep me and Reggie in parochial schools so that I could excel beyond her. Those were her words, not mine.

“I know you’re right, Mommy. I just wish that hindsight was twenty-twenty.”

“Hindsight ain’t where you’re going, Tracey. You’re going forward and as long as you know you got God with you every step of the way, you won’t fail. It’sHissight, not yours, that you need. Whatever God has planned for you, baby. You’ll get it. You just remain faithful, and you’ll end up right where you’re supposed to be.”

“I understand, Mommy.” Even if I didn’t to be honest. I knew she meant it. Believed it enough for both of us.

“Good, baby. Now show that new boss what you’re working with.”

It’s like she knew I wanted to do just that.

The following day, I got my ass to work early.

Mr. McCullough was already inside the building, so I didn’t need to unlock the door like he’d prepared me for in case I was the first to arrive. I could hear his sexy baritone voice when I headed into my office. The cadence and low manner he was using told me this call was personal and with his next words, I was sure of it.

“Malika, it’s not even that. I’m good with how things were left. You have to be good now. Not everything is for everybody and we aren’t for each other. It’s simple and not at all complicated like you keep trying to make it out to be.”

Snooping never paid off I was told long ago and dammit, I learned that the hard way, when I accidentally dropped my keys to the carpet. As I bent to pick them up as quietly as possible, I heard his office door shut.

Shaking my head, I headed into my new office space, placed the small box I brought from home filled with a few pictures, a paperweight gifted to me by my big head brother, and some wipes and disinfectant spray so I could make my space my own, and then proceeded to get busy. After, cleaning and organizing, I shifted through the papers placed on my desk yesterday, and checked the emails he forwarded my way, impressed by how organized he was. Most men I worked with, no offense to them, lacked that quality and often relied upon their assistants to take care of those matters while they did what they considered the heavy lifting. It was nice to see that behavior wasn’t across the board. It let me know that working for him wouldn’t be as tedious as I first expected it to be.

Truth was that this role was a demotion from my previous work and tedious labor would almost make it unbearable. Almost because getting paid was the objective and this job paid enough to keep me afloat until I could figure out my next move. I only could hope, he would keep me on long enough to do that. Determined to make a good impression, I worked efficiently, so engrossed in that and Erykah Badu singing in my earbuds, that I didn’t notice him standing at my office door until I heard loud knocks. His smile found me. How could a man be this fine and unavailable to me I wondered.

“You settling in good?” he finally asked and I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding at the sound of his heavy baritone voice.

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