Page 113 of Zimyra

I take a deep breath and decide to be straightforward with Murphy. I say, “We got married.”

I expect a reaction from him, but he just listens. He throws no judgments my way, and neither does he express any surprise or shock.

I continue, “It was all good. She found out about the real reason I was there and told me I was a liar. Said she couldn’t trust me and that was that.”

“Dang, man.”

“Go ahead and give it to me straight, Murph. I know you’re dying to tell me how much of a fool I am for all of this.”

“What?”

“Let’s hear it. Tell me how this is karma—how I’ve dissed so many women and the one woman I fall in love with no longer wants to be with me. I deserve all of this, right?”

“Whoa, let me stop you right there. Take a breath while I go tend to these people real quick. I’ll be right back.”

When he walks away, I twirl the band on my finger and close my eyes to picture Zimyra’s face. When I open them, Murphy is standing there, staring back at me.

“Ay, man! Warn me next time.”

“My bad, dawg. But, I wasn’t going to say any of that to you. It’s not karma. Karma has nothing to do with what you’re going through. You’ve always told everybody you were wired differently and weren’t capable of falling in love no matter how beautiful the woman was. We’ve all heard it over the years, Ax, but I never believed it was true. I knew there was someone who’d capture your heart, just like there’s a woman who’ll capture mine. Believing we won’t settle down is like saying the sun will cease to shine. It’s just false. We were put here to love. To grow families. To carry on our legacies. There’s no way you can do that as a single man.”

He takes a breath and continues, “Your woman found out some things about you that you probably should’ve been upfront about. Does that mean that it’s over? No. She feels deceived, and you know what? She has every right to feel the way she feels. Your job now is to explain to her why you did what you did.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It can be.”

“She doesn’t trust me anymore, Murphy. I told her to her face that I would never do anything to hurt her, and I watched her cry because of something I did. There’s no coming back from that, is there?”

I toss the second shot back and close my eyes, hoping the libation will ease the pain I feel.

I say, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, I know how all those women I rejected feel.”

“You’re not making any sense, man.”

“Think about it, Murphy. These women I’ve dated—most of them thought we could be something, but I wasn’t hearing it. Some cried, begged—some still hate me to this day. I dismissed them like they didn’t matter, and they didn’t. You know why? Because I never knew what it felt like to lose someone. I guess I’m selfish that way, right? Only child syndrome. I got everything I wanted without regard for anyone else because there was no one else. Even before my mother met Peter—when she was raising me as a single mother, she made sure I had my wants and needs before she’d buy anything for herself. I’ve never really wanted for anything. Perhaps that lifestyle made me selfish and while I could get away with stuff before, I really messed up this time.”

“Yeah, you messed up, but so what? We all mess up.”

“Notthisbad.”

“You love this woman, do you not?”

“I do.”

“Then instead of sitting in my bar, drinking your pain away, you need to be down there trying to figure out how to get her back.”

“The alcohol is helping me cope with the pain I caused her—not myself. And it’s not as easy as running back to swoop her up in my arms. I’m sure her family hates me now just as much as she does.”

“You didn’t marry her family.”

I sigh and say, “Why do you have a comeback for everything I say? Can’t you just let me wallow in misery?”

“No can do, my boy. That’s not what real friends do. Do your lil’ meditation ritual, and go get your girl back.”

“What if she doesn’t want me back?”

He chuckles. “You must be all the way confused. I don’t know who you were there, but you’retheAxel Jennings here—the millionaire with the fancy house and the fly cars. The man who gets everything he wants at the snap of a finger. All the women want you and you thinkshedoesn’t? She married you. She loves you, obviously. The girl wants you back, and even if she doesn’t, when have you ever let a challenge deter you?”

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