Page 21 of Want You Back

“Yep. Guests who help clean up.” I motioned for Willow to start cleaning as well. We all trooped inside, and Maverick loaded the shiny stainless steel dishwasher while the girls and I put away the various pizza toppings and gathered dirty dishes.

“Can you be guests who stay to watch the premiere of that new show about a high school band?” Hannah asked as we finished. “The first episode is finally up on the streaming service.”

“Yes!” Willow answered before I could. “I know that show! They have the most adorable gay love story.”

“Oh my gosh, I ship them already too.” Hannah gave her a spontaneous hug and then the two of them ran off in the direction of the TV.

“Wow.” I whistled low. “What a difference two decades make in teen TV.”

“I know, right?” Maverick laughed as the girls settled themselves on the couch. “Your mom was such a rebel back then, watching the first gay show on TV, and now there are books, movies, Christmas shows, so much queer culture.”

“Like your show,” I added easily. I’d been wondering when the topic of him being out and having been married to a man would surface, and this was as good a moment as any. “I’m sure you made a difference to a lot of young people watching.”

“Wish I could have shown them a healthier relationship, that’s for sure.” Maverick lowered his voice, stepping closer to the kitchen door, giving us a small amount of privacy as the fridge partially blocked us from view.

“The fighting on the show wasn’t staged?” I knew enough about reality TV to know a lot of the drama and conflict were the product of producers and not genuine. Maverick and his then-husband Dominic had had some doozies of arguments on camera.

“Thought you didn’t watch?”

“Eh, I might have wandered through the room a few times,” I admitted, leaning against the fridge. “Enough to know you were living the life you wanted—out, proud, being your own boss, living on California time.”

Maverick’s gaze turned far away. “Maybe it wasn’t everything I dreamed of.”

“You’ll land on your feet sure enough.” I wasn’t sure I had the strength to examine the subtext in his statement, that maybe he regretted going or perhaps that he’d missed me. I need to keep in mind that he’d be gone again soon. “One canceled show and a broken heart aren’t enough to keep you down.”

“Well, thank you for the vote of confidence.” Maverick offered a crooked smile that didn’t reach his skeptical eyes. “And to be honest, the arguing captured on camera was only some of it. You’d think I’d have learned to stop chasing after emotionally unavailable men or at least drop my tendency to attract closet narcissists. If there was a broken heart with Dominic, it was my own doing.”

“Don’t blame yourself.” I gave the same advice I’d give my siblings. I supposed he’d lump me into the emotionally unavailable category, whatever that meant. Which was laughable because I’d felt so damn much for him that senior year of high school. And if he’d gone forth and chosen badly with dating, I’d take my own advice and not blame myself for his bad luck. “Marriage takes two to work and two to fall apart. You can’t put it all on yourself.”

“Thanks.” He regarded me quietly for a long moment. “You and Betsey seemed to have made it work.”

“We had our years,” I allowed. Maverick’s guarded gaze said the real question was whether I’d been happy, which was a far more complicated answer. “Had a great kid to raise together. That helped. Foundation of friendship to fall back on when times were tougher.”

“I’m glad you had that. Truly.” Maverick sucked hard on the corners of his mouth. “I wish—” He cut himself off with a firm shake of his head. “Never mind. Glad you had each other as partners.”

“We had our differences too.” I had no idea why I was admitting something I didn’t talk about with anyone else. “Willow was asking earlier about siblings. I would have happily had a house full. Further, I worried a ton about Betsey’s intense travel schedule. And I never did see eye to eye with her folks. But I loved her, took our vows damn seriously. All that.”

“And you still…?” He shook his head again. “None of my business.”

“Ask what you want to ask, Maverick.” I gave him a pointed stare. The topic of my own sexuality had been as inevitable as his.

“Would you call yourself bi? Hetero-flexible? Straight?” Rather than a harsh demand, his voice was uncertain. His eyes held a certain vulnerability. He wanted to know if our time together had meant something, or if I’d spent twenty years pretending it hadn’t happened.

“You know as well as me that straight isn’t it.” I blew out a breath, leaning harder into the fridge like that could help me find words for something I’d only recently reasoned out. “Back when we were kids, I didn’t have a word for not thinking about sex all the time but enjoying kissing my best friend. And then later, my other best friend.”

“There’s a lot of different labels that could cover that.” Maverick’s tone was more thoughtful.

“Like I said earlier, representation matters. There’s this time travel show I watch, and reviewers kept going on about how this one character had a demisexual awakening.” The back of my neck went itchy and hot. I hadn’t shared this with another soul. “Looked pretty normal to how attraction worked to my uneducated eye, so I looked the word up, and there it was, a word just for me.”

“I’m glad you found a label for your identity that works for you.” Nodding, Maverick lightly patted my upper arm. He seemed to think better of the touch, immediately dropping his hand. “Also, that certainly makes things back then make more sense.”

“It made sense of my whole damn life. Even after I got together with Betsey, I still felt broken in a fundamental way, like I was missing a key part of being a guy. Or hell, human.” I stared down at the floor, memory of the years of shame and silence making my brain buzz and my chest hurt. “I only seemed to care about sex when I was already in a relationship. Knowing there are plenty of others like me who have to like and care about someone to want to have sex with them, that’s everything.”

“That’s awesome you found that clarity.” Maverick’s hand twitched like he wanted to touch me again. I wished he would. But instead, he swallowed hard. “I’m… Would it be weird to say I’m honored to have been your first?”

“Likewise.” If nothing else, I’d always carry the knowledge that I’d been Maverick Lovelorn’s first kiss and several other firsts. We’d never gotten beyond hand jobs and rubbing off together, but I’d been the first person to make him come, and that meant something to me.

I stepped closer to him, intending… Hell, I didn’t know. Something. An acknowledgment perhaps of everything we’d been to each other. But then Hannah’s voice stopped me.

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