“Yeah.” January had panicked when he had mentioned it the first time because she figured the less people who knew the better.
“I may need to consult with people I feel would be experts in some areas that concern me. Nothing for you to worry about, the people I involve I trust implicitly, I just wanted to give you a heads up since I know that concerns you.”
Something about Andy’s tone gave her pause, but she couldn’t worry about that now. “Shit, I’m going to be late for my appointment. I gotta run. Thanks for everything, Andy. If this works out, I’ll owe you a hell of a lot more than spark plugs and oil changes.”
“Bite your doubtful tongue. What do you mean if? When this works out, you can all bask in my awesomeness when everyone in this family is home where they belong. Complete and growing. Love you, missy.”
“Love you, too,” January replied before she even thought about it. How good it felt to hear that from someone with no strings attached. Not because she could be brokered into a power pairing or used to manipulate her, but just because it was actually the way someone felt.
Heading a block over for her hair appointment, her mind drifted to those words she couldn’t wait to say to Logan and have him feel that utter contentment at just reveling in the way someone else felt for him with no ulterior motive.
While getting washed, cut, dyed, styled, and talked at by a lady whose hairstyle belonged with burned bras and peace and love, January let herself get lost in the picture Andy created.
Of course, their place wouldn’t be too nice at first, what with the lease on the shop and no customer base to pay the bills. But eventually, once they built a clientele and were able to move up in the world, she imagined they might get a little home in Augusta’s neighborhood.
They could go to all the Reid family barbecues and get togethers. She could maybe coach Macy’s community softball team; she had been pretty decent back in her day. Dax may even make them a piece of furniture or a weapon. She laughed at the latter notion. He would never trust klutzy me with a weapon.
She would go through with dress shopping tomorrow. Not because she cared anymore, but she kinda wanted to just to feel what it would be and imagine she was picking out a gown for the wedding she really wanted.
Any dress her mother or Chadwick’s mother liked was an automatic no-go. Then she’d find the gaudiest dresses in the place just to make her mother squirm. January knew she was being childish and wholly immature, but it would be her one and only semi-open act of defiance as an adult before the shit hit the fan. It is long overdue.
After the fitting, she would facetime her sister and explain everything so she would know what to expect. Then, first thing the next morning, she would empty the accounts her parents knew about, the ones Stacy didn’t already have, and tell them to go fuck themselves and get back to Florida as fast a legally possible.
Logan. January would find the man she loved and grovel at his feet until he forgave her. Even if it takes a lifetime, I’ll wait.
The January who would walk out of the salon didn’t even resemble the one who walked in, and not because of her hair. Although that was a world removed from anything she’d ever done before, and her mother would hate it, so bonus. It was her; she was different.
Stronger.
Bolder.
Wiser.
“Somehow, a little dye and a #2 blade matured me the way I never could have grown under the stifling control of my parents,” she mumbled as she tipped the stylist.
The shame she had always felt for letting her parents control her, even when she’d moved away, lifted. Something finally clicked and she realized she was a victim, a label she never wanted, but one she needed just so she could cast it off like a cocoon and emerge as a beautiful butterfly. A butterfly who could love a man like Logan freely and undeniably, and who deserved to be loved by him.
* * *
The Reid Familytête-à-tête had finally wound down. He was still at his brother’s house along with the majority of the Reid clan, but most had taken naps in waves, and a few went home but were now making their way back.
Michael and Logan weren’t exactly hugging it out, but he hadn’t thrown Logan out on his ear. The opposite, in fact; he’d asked him to stick around town so they could see “where things go.”
When shit went south with January, he was ready to bolt far and fast. Hell, I still want to. Staying here would be painful. The pitying looks from Gus and John were the worst. His gut twisted so hard, Logan thought it would be forever knotted every time Gus’ eyes landed on him and she made that face. The one that said, “oh, poor you.”
Logan had lived with that look most of his life, and he still hated it. The saving grace were the eyes themselves, although not the exact same color, they still reminded him of January’s. That and Logan knew Gus wasn’t pitying him for pity’s sake so much as feeling his pain.
Surprisingly, no one else gave him the same look. Most of the faces held a more “bless his heart” look, and not in the real blessing way but the sarcastic as fuck southern way. Others were more “what a fool.”
Something nudged his bicep, and when he turned, he was assaulted with that God-awful aroma. Michael and that damn coffee. He accepted it appreciatively all the same, and Michael took up a seat on the couch off to the right of Logan. For hours into the night and through the morning, he’d sat across from him, intense eye contact. This felt a little more relaxed.
“So, tell me more about my birth mom, something special?” Logan had already given him the highlights, or lowlights, of their dad’s life and death. He even came clean about the resentment he harbored toward him and Lucinda, and that he had found the flaws in his logic. Or rather, others helped him see the flaws in it. He even told him she was a good mom, and he wished he hadn’t harbored the resentment he had because he let it taint his memories.
“Well,” Logan began but stalled. Trying to untaint decades old memories is like telling your boss to unfuck himself. It doesn’t really work that way. Stalling by sipping the crap coffee, he met his little brother’s eye over the brim of the “I’m Fucking Fabulous” mug—a Tori purchase, no doubt. In those hopeful depths, he found a memory he’d forgotten about…for Michael.
“This one time, we went to the carnival. Even the sperm donor joined us. It was one of the few times we did anything as a family. Anyway, there was a stuffed elephant that I wanted so bad, but you had to toss those rings on the milk jugs to get it.” Logan paused, lost in the memory. He felt the cool evening breeze, saw the lights and even smelled corndogs. How could I have forgotten where Bologna came from?
“Anyway, the douche I called Dad threw some bills down and told the carny to, ‘let the pussy embarrass himself if he wants.’ He turned to me with a look of disgust on his face, “Go ahead and waste my goddamned hard earned money. It’s all you’ve ever been good for…either of you.” He stormed off to ‘drain the lizard.’ Lucinda dropped to her knees and dried my tears with her shirt.” Logan drained his cup. He didn’t exactly want more, but he needed a break, so he raised it and asked, “You mind?”