Page 19 of Unveiled

Chapter Ten

Watching her step from the tub was one of the most sensual things he’d witnessed because it was her. Julia practically owned him, which was insane. He didn’t do relationships the same way others did, but he wanted to with her. He was caught up in tracking the descent of a single water droplet down her leg. Watched it slowly make its way along the outside of her thigh to her knee. When she sat, it turned and flowed down the back of her calf. He was getting hard from watching water. Her words pulled his attention back and damn near ripped his heart from his throat.

“I know I’m another commitment you’ll honor, and I’m grateful for the help, but as your newest friend, I have to wonder why you hold yourself back. Why do you consider your relationships commitments by definition and little more? Commitment is important, don’t get me wrong. But if commitment is all there is, well—”

Rush couldn’t let her go on thinking she was just another commitment he’d made. He stood and pulled her to her feet, taking her face in his hands. Looking into her eyes, he could see so much swimming around. Pain seemed to be the thing that punched him in the balls.

“You are not just another commitment and you are not just my newest friend. At least, I hope that’s not the case. I’m not one to mince words, so here it is. I want you. Not just physically. I want you to be more than a commitment. I want to be in, and I want to want to be in. Do you understand?”

“Honestly, no, I don’t, Rush.” He dropped his hands to her hips and brought her closer.

“In the past, I was never the one to leave. But I made sure they left me by not ever being all the way in. I held back until they couldn’t take it anymore. Then when they left, I was indifferent to it all.” He was messing this up. How could he explain it?

“I don’t want you to want to leave. I don’t want to hold back. Hell, I’ve been more in on our friendship the past few days than any relationship I’ve ever had with a woman. I’m not and will not be indifferent if you leave. If you haven’t figured it out, I think I’m falling for you, and I don’t have the first fucking clue what to do about it. I don’t know how to be all in or share shit or any of that. All I know is when I think of you leaving, it causes an ache in my chest I’ve never had. So, tell me how to start something with you that I want to last?”

Rush watched the emotions play across her face as she digested his words. He was more nervous standing in his own bathroom than he’d ever been with bullets whizzing by as people tried to kill him. The military prepared him for damn near every possible eventuality. He knew how to protect every angle, but not his heart. Not when he was basically offering it up to woman he’d just met, who had a cheating, and worse, fiancé with a powerful, possibly murderous father, and lord knows what other baggage.

It wasn’t like he was traveling light himself, though. “I can’t promise I’ll be good at it, hell, I can promise the opposite in fact. And you’ll definitely get the short end of the stick, but I want to try.” Her lack of response had him on edge, wondering how he was going to deal with the aftermath of it all. This was uncharted territory. He’d literally never put his heart out there except with his brothers in arms.

He let his mind wander down that path and thought about how it felt to lose one of them. Rush had lost enough of them to last three lifetimes. Not just to death, but to drugs or alcohol or mental illness. The realization that Julia was on par with them was terrifying. If she could rip his soul out like that, he was screwed.

“I know we don’t know each other that well, but I want that chance. I’m not. . .shit, I don’t know what I’m asking for or not. I shouldn’t be doing this at all. You don’t need the pressure right now. I’m sorry.” Rush was back peddling. Not because he didn’t want her, he did.

What he wanted was irrelevant. Julia didn’t need this right now. What she needed mattered more. I care more for her than myself. That realization rocked him back. He was about to tell her he wasn’t asking for love or forever, just a chance. But he realized how much he craved those from her. That meant he was well and truly screwed because she had power no one else had ever had. That also meant he wasn’t as broken or distant as everyone thought him to be. They hadn’t been the right people to bring it out in him.

What kind of psycho would she think he was if he divulged that bit of information? Probably the worst kind.

Mark had even hammered home his reality earlier when he called him with all the information from the other day and sent him the picture. Rush knew his well, at least we don’t have to worry about you falling for her comment was a jest, but it struck a chord. Everyone apparently saw something about him that he’d failed to realize or take stock of until Julia.

“I should go.” He dropped his arms and rushed for the door.

A soft “Wait,” froze his hand on the knob. His breath sawed in and out while he anticipated why she’d stopped his retreat. There was a war brewing within him. One he’d never dealt with before. Time dragged on while he waited for her to speak. When no other words were forthcoming, he twisted the knob, breaking the seal of the bathroom.

The latent sounds of the rest of his home surged in. He could hear the water in the pipes, the robot vacuum making its rounds in the living room, the hum of the central unit keeping the temperature optimum, but above all that, he could hear Julia breathing.

Before he could pull the door further open, she spoke again. “Just wait a second, please?” Rush allowed his hand to fall from the knob but didn’t close the door. The other sounds were keeping his attention slightly divided. It was distracting him from panicking. Without turning, he gave a sharp nod, indicating he would wait as long as she asked him to.

“I. . .” Her words faltered. He pictured her picking at invisible lint or inspecting her nails, much as she did any time she was searching for words. Rush knew if he turned, he would find her worrying the corner of her lip, too. It may have been a short time, but he felt he knew certain aspects of her better than he knew himself. So, he waited.

“I don’t know how it happened or if it’s okay or wrong or really, really messed up, but. . .I think I’m falling for you, too.” Her words were spoken as if to herself, not to him, but he didn’t give two shits as they sank into his vulnerable heart.

Without thought or plan, he turned, closing the distance in a fraction of a second, and grabbed her cheeks. Not allowing her a moment to protest, he kissed her like he’d wanted to for what felt like an eternity.

As he ravaged her lips, she returned his enthusiasm and opened for him, giving as good as she got. Her arms wound around his neck, leaving her towel to the laws of gravity. When he felt the weight of it tugging from between them, he shifted his body enough to allow it to slither to the floor.

Julia’s heated chest practically scorched his skin through the tee-shirt he wished he wasn’t wearing. Her moan entered his mouth and Rush greedily swallowed it. His hands left her face to skitter down her arms and back up her sides. With her chest smashed against his, her breasts pushed out to the side. That skin was like satin to his rough fingertips.

Where he found the strength to end their kiss, he’d never know. But her consent and awareness meant more to him than the haze of passion he knew he could exploit. Rush needed her to have no regrets whatsoever. Once again, his hands engulfed her cheeks and created enough distance for her hazel eyes to focus on his. “Tell me to stop.” She shook her head slightly in his grasp.

“I need to hear words. Tell. Me. To. Stop.”

The need in her eyes almost broke him. “No, I won’t.”

“You understand I’m going to take you right here in this bathroom against the fucking ugly tile that I hate. And again and again in my bed until you won’t remember anyone else but me. You’ll think there’s only ever been me, only ever will be me. I’m not asking for a quick fuck, although the first time might seem like it.” Rush couldn’t stop the thrill of that thought from curling his upper lip into a smile. “I’m just asking for a chance. If you can’t give us a chance at more than a night, I want you to tell me to stop now. What you say will not impact the help that’s been offered. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need, and I’ll still be your friend.”

Rush was shocked at how true his words were, all of them. This uncharted territory scared the shit out of him, but also excited him. He watched her weigh his words. Her amber and green eyes were transparent enough to let him watch the emotions flit across while she made her decision.

The anticipation was killing him. He knew she liked to weigh her options, but that didn’t stop him from taking it personally. He did what he always did when shit got a touch too real. He cracked a joke. “Not telling me to stop now is more than just sex. If you’re just looking to blow off some steam, I’ll buy you a damn vibrator and call it a day.”

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