Page 19 of Trip

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JJ

She was so fucked. So, so fucked. She couldn’t give Trip up after Christmas. No matter if it was the right thing to do or not.

His calloused hand lazily caressing her arm kept her grounded and her tears at bay.

“Did any of them ask you out?”

“Yeah.”

“Who?” Trip’s voice was hard. She was not about to cause trouble among his friends.

“I will not tell you that, Trip. It’s in the past. Remember what you said about the past?”

“Stop throwing that in my face, woman, and tell me.”

“Nope. Not happening.”

His touch changed. It went from confident to almost timid. It wasn’t just jealousy; he was insecure about it. “Were you tempted to say yes?”

“Not even for a second. A few treated me more like a sister.” She dropped a kiss on his chest and burrowed in against him. He didn’t wince. “Hey.” She popped her head up. “Your shoulder?”

Trip stretched his arm out, then curled it back around her. “Yep, just a little sore and stiff, but I should be able to handle my sled, and you. So, you wanna ride back to Vegas with me after Christmas?”

JJ’s heart was on fire in her chest. Maybe it was because she held her breath. Either way, the pain was unbearable and sublime.

He spoke words that seemed like long-term kind of shit, but could she trust anything he said when they were naked? She herself was guilty of feeling things stronger when not fully clothed.

JJ must’ve taken too long to answer.

“Jess, look at me.”

She didn’t want to stare into those eyes because they compelled her to say yes and damn the costs, but she relented.

“I meant what I said. The past doesn’t matter. It’s done. I’ve forgiven you and you’ve forgiven me, so what’s the problem?”

“Forgiven but not forgotten.” She would never forget, but it was the other f word that killed her. It took her a long time to accept that she’d done nothing wrong and didn’t warrant forgiveness, not for being raped, anyway. Her cowardice after, sure, but he didn’t know that and never would.

“Yes, it is.” His voice developed an edge, and he rose enough to stare down at her. “You’re here in my arms where you’ve always belonged. Nothing else matters. Damn sure not shit we did as teens.”

Something about his whole nonchalant attitude made her angry. She had never really directed anger at Cris. Even when he spoke harshly, called her insulting names, and left without a backward glance. She chalked all that up to him being hurt by the story Jake told and the one she allowed him to believe.

But now? Now she was getting pissed.

“It mattered enough for you to say vile things.” JJ sprang from the bed. “It mattered enough for you to leave for basic without a bye or contact after that. I found out you deployed and were in danger from Meri. You never even thought about how I was feeling back home.”

She grabbed the pillow and a blanket and made her way to the door. “It mattered enough for you to throw away what we had on Jake’s word, and it mattered enough for you to say you’ve thought about it every day since. Kept you from having a normal relationship. Was that a lie?”

It was rhetorical, and she didn’t give him a chance to answer. “That’s what I thought. So how can you say it doesn’t matter when it clearly did just days ago. I am not conceited enough to believe I have a magic pussy, so it does matter, even if you don’t want it to.”

Was she being unfair? Probably. Could she control the anger, not a snowball’s chance in hell.

Trip provided the proof to remove any doubt if there’d been any. He jumped up and batted the pillow and blanket from her arms and spun her around.

His widened stance allowed them to see eye to eye, and his grip on her face was enough to force her to take part as he studied her. His eyes boring into her.

“Jess?”

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