Page 12 of Beckon

“Baby girl.” The hand left her cheek and brought hers to her mother’s lip, then she held it in her lap. “You’ll get to see that again, but through your own eyes. And one day in the distant future, through those of your son.”

“Speaking of…” She trailed off. “Chester? Where are you?”

Her heart sauntered into the kitchen and sat down and proceeded to slurp noodles loudly without saying a word.

“Excuse me, Mister Man, did you wash up?”

Chester nodded while licking red sauce from around his mouth. He looked happy. Not that he didn’t look happy always, but he seemed extra happy. Before Tami could give her thought voice, her mother spoke.

“Where did you get that jacket, Chester?”

That’s when she noticed it. Her son placed his fork down and brought both lapels up to cover his face and inhaled deeply. When he dropped the front of the jacket and started eating once again, Tami saw all the red sauce gone from his face. Now she’d have to clean it before returning it.

“It was in the closet. Can I keep it? It smells like daddies.”

He kept eating like he hadn’t just broken her heart.

“Sweetheart, how do you remember what your father smelled like?” Her mother asked the question she herself wanted to ask but couldn’t seem to form the words.

“Not my daddy, just daddies. Ashley’s daddy, Ben’s daddy, Maria’s daddy.” Chester was steadily listing off the dad of every kid in his class and Tami’s mind wandered.

It wandered to Harold whom she’d never met and how her mother’s eyes looked since meeting him. Hindsight being perfect. Her thoughts turned to the owner of the jacket. A drunk stranger who she knew nothing about but wanted to. Lastly, it wandered to Reese. She wasn’t sad thinking about him. She missed him sure, but not the way she used to.

Something else was different too. This time when she pictured him, she didn’t see his face etched with longing to be with her, instead he seemed smiling and satisfied. If she believed in signs, she would say that was most certainly one. What it meant; she didn’t have a clue.

Chester was sniffing the jacket again and shoveling in more pasta. He needed a man in his life, deserved one. Maybe Harold coming into their family was exactly what Chester needed.

“Tell me about Harold, Mom.”

Tami needed the distraction. She could overthink things later and let mom guilt reign, but for now, she just wanted to enjoy her mother’s happiness and not dampen it.

As her mother shared many of Harold’s positive attributes and a few that annoyed her, Tami paid attention. Not just to the words, but the expression that crossed her mother’s face. A look she’d not seen since what felt like forever.

“I’m happy for you, but also a little jealous. I want what you’ve found.” She looked to her son to make sure he hadn’t heard her. She never wanted him to feel sad on her behalf and he was a very perceptive little boy.

“Tamitha, don’t be jealous. Go out and take it. You don’t see the person you’ve become, but I do. You are ready. Like I told you before, go for it. You don’t have to enter a relationship with expectations beyond dinner and a good-night kiss at the door. I know you like to know twenty-five steps ahead, but you don’t need to anymore. I just wish you could see that.

“I do, Mom. I was just thinking the same thing. Now my fear is where to start. How do I overcome it and get back out there?”

“It’s like riding abike. You don’t forget how to, you’re just a little wobbly at first.”

“Mom,” she hissed. “Did you have to say bike like that?” Tami and her mom shared a laugh.

“Can I be excused?” Chester was still sniffing the jacket.

“Yes,” they answered simultaneously. “Head up for your bath.”

“Mom, can I keep the jacket?” Denial was perched on her tongue, but she couldn’t say no with that look in his eyes.

“Yeah, baby. I’ll wash the sauce off it tomorrow.”

“Nooooo. It will lose the dad smell,” her son whined.

“Fine. But don’t put it in your closet, it’ll make everything smell like old red sauce. It stays on the hook in the bathroom until it’s washed. Deal, Mister Man?”

“Deal, Mom.” He launched his body at her and she caught him with ease. It was her turn to inhale the dad scent that intrigued her son. It didn’t scream dad to her, it shouted hottie. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mister Man, now shoo.” Her words said go, but she held tight until Chester broke the embrace and headed to the bath.

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