Page 26 of Beckon

“The first year after losing Reese, my lows were very low. To the point I didn’t want to live. I’m ashamed to say that because I’m a mother and I would’ve left my precious son, but I just didn’t know how to handle what I was feeling. Seven times when I was at the lowest, someone’s unwitting kindness brought me back from the edge. It was enough to buy me another day which was all I needed. Because one day became two, became three and so on.”

She retreated into her head and started talking to herself out loud for a minute. Chandler said nothing, didn’t even act like he noticed, when he clearly did. If the handsome man riding a horse named Betty White kept that up, she’d lose her heart to him in no time.

After pulling herself together, she decided which story she’d share. “It was the morning after a particularly rough night. One of the ones I’d mentioned where I plotted murder. Chester was sick so he was in a terrible mood for three days straight. I was at the end of my rope. I stopped by to get a coffee to make it through the day. The woman in front of me asked the date and when the barista told her I burst into tears.”

The guilt she’d felt that day at forgetting washed over her like it had happened all over again. “It would’ve been Reese’s thirty-fifth birthday and I’d forgotten. Everyone was looking at me, but I really needed the caffeine but when I ordered they ran out of milk. It wasn’t something I could handle that day. I just put my head in my hands. I thought to myself, today’s the day. Today is the day that breaks me. Just then the woman who’d asked the date when she ordered, told the barista to give me her coffee with milk and she’d take a black one.”

She chanced a glance at Chandler and there was a look on his face that she couldn’t place, but it wasn’t unpleasant as she expected. Her stories made people uncomfortable, but he’d asked.

“Anyway, she looked at me, but it wasn’t pity because I was a pathetic crying mess. It was, I don’t know. It felt like she was on my side, telling me I could do it. Like she understood where I was and admired me for just walking in there. She didn’t of course, but what matters was my perception, not her intention.”

Tami mentally crossed her fingers hoping he would have one of those moments when he needed it. And that he would recognize it for what it was when it did happen.

What she said was the truth of many things. Perception mattered.

Chandler’s sigh was heavy, but he had a smirk to his lip. “Well, I had one of those moments recently. A rideshare driver I didn’t know tucked me into bed, sang to me, left me pain relievers and a note to let me know my closet smelled. And she did all this after I was a drunken asshole to her. And you know what else?”

Embarrassment flooded her brain. She wanted him to have those moments, but she wasn’t prepared for him to lay it out there.

“What?”

“The next time I saw her, she took me to play Skee-Ball instead of running over my foot like she would’ve been right to do.”

Embarrassed, yes, but also flattered. And warm and a million other fuzzy-feeling things.She mattered.The things she did really did make a difference in someone’s life. That was an amazing feeling for sure.

“But I also stole your jacket.” She hadn’t meant to bring it up like that, but she couldn’t help herself. It wasn’t like she wanted to explain but she couldn’t just let it go.

“Now that you mention it, how did a handsome eight-year-old end up with it?”

Tami laughed. Chester was big for his age and smart. Too smart for his own good, she thought. “He’s only six and there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, I assure you.”

Before she could continue, Chandler broke in. “Well, he is very well spoken for six.” The approval in his voice made her stomach flutter. Yep, she would definitely lose her heart to that man. The writing was on the wall.

She tipped her head down. “My next passenger found it and I didn’t think I would be able to rouse you yet, and I didn’t want to leave it outside, so I put it in my closet to return to you later. Honestly, I’d forgotten about it. That is until my son came to dinner wearing it and wiping his spaghetti-sauced mouth on it.”

Tami smiled at the memory.

“I was going to have it cleaned and return it to you, I swear, but he was so happy, and he said it smelled like daddies and well, I just couldn’t take it from him. I was going to buy you a new one, and hope you understood. I just couldn’t break his heart. He even made me promise to never wash it. Which, between us, is going to be the end of me.”

Her gaze slid over to Chandler, who sat atop Betty White like a sexy cowboy from the old west, just not dressed that way. The question was on his face clear as day.

“You may have noticed, I’m a little… different from most people. I will obsess over that dirty jacket forever, so I kind of have another favor to ask of you. Feel free to say no…”

Her words trailed off; she hadn’t even let him soak in the fact that she’d practically stolen his jacket before she was asking for more.

“Tami.” When she met his eyes, she could see understanding and dare she dream, affection there. “The jacket isn’t a big deal to me, but it is to your son, so keep it.”

The relief coursed through her entire body, leaving a warm feeling in its wake.

“Thank you, Chandler. So much. It means so much to Chester, to me. Which brings me to the big ask.”

“So, taking a man’s jacket off his back isn’t enough, you want more.” His rich laughter echoed across the pasture and bounced off the barn. She realized that was the first deep laugh she’d heard from him, and she already craved more. “I’m just kidding.” He chuckled. “Ask away.”

“One night after Chester goes to bed, I want to wash it. I mean, Ihaveto wash it. Would you be opposed to wearing your cologne and wearing it for a while before I sneak it back into the bathroom where I told him it has to stay until it’s clean?”

Even Tami could hear the plea in her voice. She would do anything for her son, even ask a man to wear his stolen jacket to get his scent on it. It sounded so ridiculous as she mumbled it to herself.

“I understand if you say no, but can you at least tell me what cologne you wear so I can do it myself?”

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