Page 21 of Clear Your Mind

When she snuggles in closer, I mention the blood play. “How did you feel about last night? The cut?”

My voice is tentative because I realize how much her answer means to me.

“It’s not something I’ve done before, nor is it something I ever thought I’d find interesting, but I think I do…with you.” A sigh of relief escapes me at her answers.

I want to expand on that, but the need to know and protect her from whatever plagues her is getting stronger by the minute.

The movie is long forgotten but droning on lightly in the background, and we’re simply relishing the touch of another human. I don’t know how to bring the subject back up, especially since I told her she could keep that secret.

“I lied.”

Her voice trembles. “About what?” I feel every muscle in her body stiffening.

“I need that secret.”

Just when I think Krystal’s not going to share, she whispers into the silence. “I was in a long-term relationship with a biker once. When he gave me the third STI, I confronted him. He didn’t take it well. So, I left him. He didn’t take that well either.”

Damn.

My mind is racing. I want to know exactly what she means bynot well. I hold my tongue as I’m not sure if she’s ready to share more than that, so I wait.

When I can’t take it anymore, I prod.

“Not well?” I gentle my voice as much as I’m capable.

“I showed up at his clubhouse unannounced to confront him, and they were running a train on some girl right on the pool table. She didn’t seem to mind. But knowing it and seeing it are two different things. I hurled some accurate insults, said I was done, and tried to storm out.”

I could feel her trembling in my arms. I want to wrap her up tighter to protect her from the memory. But that’s not how the past works. It has to have its due. A hot tear lands on my chest, and my heart, the one that’s hidden away to protect it, breaks.

“A member I didn’t know chased me down and hauled me back inside by my hair and threw me to my knees right at Jeff’s feet. He couldn’t be bothered to stop fucking her long enough to do it himself. When he finished, he grabbed me by the throat and said, ‘you’re next.’ He pulled me to my feet, ripped my clothes off and tossed me on the pool table.”

She halted again. “Are you sure you want all the details? I mean, you just met me. You wanted a light no strings thing and I’m over here unpacking all my baggage.” Her tone tries to project it’s no big deal, but it actually projects she hates being vulnerable.

“For the record, you proposed no strings, love. But either way, unpack it.” A sigh of relief skips across my chest. She needs this and so do I.

“I knew I couldn’t survive what he planned, not mentally anyway, so I lied. I told him I was pregnant. He let me up but nodded beside him and I was grabbed and held.” She dashed away tears. “He said Kitten would take what was owed to me and if I even thought about leaving and taking his kid, I’d get mine and more. Then they beat the shit out of Kitten and raped her while I watched.”

She started to sob. Great racking sobs that shake her body and my soul. Her next words don’t need to be said, I know them by heart and I recognize the pain.

“It’s my fault that happened to her. She was fine with everything going on until my lie cost her.”

“No.” It’s the only word I can form through my anger. I want to say so much more, but right now, fury has control of my tongue.

Krystal sits up and looks at me in horror, holding the comforter against her like armor, and I immediately understand how I’m completely fucked.

“I didn’t mean to indicate you and your club are like that. I just…I mean—”

“Love, I know that.” Instead of easing the look on her face, it morphs into anger.

“So, you think I’m lying?”

I feel trapped, like I can’t win. “No, that’s not it either, Krys, just give me a second. I’m not good with emotions, especially when all I can see in my head is your tear-streaked face as you watch that horror, all while blaming yourself.”

5

KRYSTAL

Itry to wrap my head around Buddy’s reaction. I chant in my head, he’s not Jeff, he’s not Jeff. But being in a clubhouse with an angry biker isn’t a place I ever thought to be again.

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