Page 48 of Clear Your Mind

I can practically hear them all wincing.

“Maybe she didn’t hear you. Women don’t listen so well.” Maxi’s head snaps in Kilt’s direction so fast she creates a wind gust in the room.

Kilt throws up his hands in surrender without her saying a word. She may be shy of five feet, but shit if she doesn’t put a six-foot-plus man in his place.

When she turns back to me, I see nothing but conviction in her eyes. “Oh, she loves you. I know for a fact.”

My gaze shifts to hers. “I know that. And even though she’s the most open person I’ve ever known, she’s holding herself back when it comes to this one thing, and I don’t know how to deal with that.”

“You? You don’t know…” Maxi stutters and Cowboy lets out a bark of laughter.

What? I ask with my body language. I expect more from this touchy-feely bullshit than being laughed at.

“How canyounot know how to deal with it?”

I’m puzzled. “Just what I said, I don’t.”

“Man, I feel like I’m teaching a monkey to open a coconut with a rock here,” Maxi says to no one in particular. “Buddy, holding back is literally your thing. Or it was until seventeen and a half minutes ago. What pushed you over that point? What had you coming down here to apologize to us and forge a bond?”

Her voice is sweet and placating, like she’s dealing with a toddler. In a way, she is. I am literally an emotional toddler.

“Her.” The answer is immediate. “I can feel her love, you know?” Everyone’s attention darts away from me, and it makes it easier to speak.

“I think I felt the potential of it when she was relishing getting blood sprayed on her at the concert. She was living in the moment, and I was just observing it. I’m not happy watching life anymore. I want to live it…with her.”

Once I start waxing poetic about Krystal—I know, me all poetic and shit—I can’t stop.

“More than anything, I want her to feel that feeling deep in her stomach, that free-falling excitement that I do when she looks at me and I know without the words that I’m loved. Not just for the easy-to-love parts but the dark and scary parts too. She looked at me that way when we first met, and she didn’t even know my name.”

I feel a tear on my shoulder and realize Maxi is quietly crying.

Kilt’s shifting from foot to foot in clear discomfort, and Cowboy. Well, he’s Cowboy. He has his hands tucked next to his cheek and one foot kicked up behind him, like a cartoon in love.

I roll my eyes.

All I want to do is get back upstairs to Krystal. I don’t need the words, she’s already told me in every way that matters.

“I love you, Buddy,” Maxi says as she side hugs me.

“Love you, bro,” Cowboy adds.

Kilt grunts a few syllables. I’m taking it as the same.

When I turn to head upstairs, I see a pink-cheeked, teary-eyed Krystal standing there. My heart races at the sight. How much did she hear? Would it hurt her that I found the words to tell my friends but not her? She got a clipped confession, and they got the poem.

I stumble back and almost land on my ass when she runs at me and leaps into my arms. She’s raining kisses on my face so hard I start laughing. I’m not thinking about what comes next. I’m simply enjoying her playful mouth and the feel of her ass in my hands.

It feels incredible to be, really be, in the moment.

I start walking with her in my arms, ignoring the catcalls and wolf whistles. I’m focusing on the way her thighs shift on my flanks as I walk. The way her hair smells as it spills in front of my nose. The way her hands grab my face, ending the kiss.

The way her hazel eyes bore into mine and the humor in her voice when she declares loudly, “For the record, I loved him before it was apparently theinthing.” She speaks to my family, but she never diverts her attention from me.

“You sure you’re not just jumping on the bandwagon, love?”

She throws her head back and laughs. A deep throaty sound that shoots straight to my heart…and other parts.

I take the steps two at a time. “Oh, I’m jumping on something,love, but it’s not a bandwagon.”

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