Page 42 of Bitten By Zombie

It was something that deep down, she’d always known on some level. It was a knowledge that growing up in Ezekiel’s Children, she knew but had pushed from her mind. Twelve-year-old her wanted to believe that her big brother was different, so she believed the best.

That guilt alone was too much to face. She wondered not for the first time if she’d gone to the police when Stan had gotten her out all those years ago if it would’ve made a difference.

But kicking herself for her inaction as a child was about as effective as carrying sand in a sifter.

Zombie was there, wrapping her in his arms and leaving no room for anything else. “I’m sorry, Rabbit. If there was another way, I’d move heaven and earth to do it. If you want to call it off, tell me now. I can’t promise you’ll be safe from him forever, but we have enough for—”

“No.” She steadied her mind. She was about to okay the death of her brother, the man who saved her and condemned her. Gave her the world and then tried to take it all away. The man who thought she was dead at his hand and was okay with that knowledge. “He needs to…” She couldn’t say the word. “If he ever gets the chance, he’ll find me, and he’ll continue exploiting people, children. I cannot be the person who could’ve stopped it again and didn’t.”

“Okay, babe.” Silence was all there was for a while. “For what it’s worth, he was marked by us the second Lily told her story. So ultimately, it’s not your call, so rest easy.”

He kissed the top of her head and stepped away. “I’ve gotta go now. Just try not to think too much while I’m gone, hmm?”

He stepped out of the room. She watched him disappear down the hall and dropped to sit on the other bed in Sherry’s room. She must’ve sat there longer than she thought because she heard the van, tow truck, and other cars pull out.

The silence was oppressive. She wandered around the clubhouse, passing a few guys she recognized, but the men that she’d grown close to were all gone except for Outlaw.

“I thought you’d be gone with Zombie.” She plopped onto the couch.

“Nah, somebody has to hold down the fort, besides, you always leave the lawyer back to bat cleanup if needed.” He winked but then spoke seriously. “You good with all this?”

“Good? I wouldn’t go that far, but I am at peace with the end result. Does that make me cold-hearted?”

“No, doll, it doesn’t. If you were celebrating about it then, yeah, but the fact that you asked the question and that you said at ‘peace with’ not ‘thrilled by,’ that makes you human.”

“I know. But…I don’t know at the same time. I mean, I understand he has hurt a lot of people and will continue to do so because he thinks his actions are sanctified because the way Mom taught us. And I couldn’t live with myself if I allowed it to continue. Hell, I have a hard enough time already, but I mean…” She trailed off.

How could she explain to Outlaw all the wonderful things about Stan? Hell, she couldn’t wrap her own mind around it, how could she expect anyone else to? He was a monster, but he was also a good brother sometimes.

“You mean, how do you meld the Stan who saved you, sent you to college, let you give him makeovers when you were little with the Stan who wanted to have an unnatural relationship with you and hurts children?”

How in the hell was that biker man so wise? He remembered her stories about Stan, not just the ones used to impart important info, and he got it.

She didn’t want to ask because she feared the possible reason he understood so well.

“Yeah. I mean, how do I just toss all those memories away. Because when I think about the rest, it makes them feel tainted somehow. Like I’m not right in the head or something. Like, how can I smile about him with ribbons in his hair and lipstick on his teeth when he…when he sees girls like that as wives?”

The tears came, and Outlaw was there in an instant with his shoulder. Like a real brother should be. And that’s how she thought of him, all of them really, with the exception of Zombie, like brothers. Brothers she was meant to have. Brothers she would miss terribly.

“I know that your situation is different and the way you react will be different and valid. But I couldn’t wrap my head around it either. Wayne and I grew up together, and his mom baked us cookies, for fuck’s sake. I had perfectly adequate and loving parents, but I had a special bond with his family. Mostly because my mom and dad both worked two jobs to put food on the table and he had a mom that was home all the time. She was like my bonus mom.”

He rubbed her bicep and settled in closer. She knew the bad part was coming. She’d heard it from Zombie. She hadn’t realized Outlaw was impacted by it on a different level.

“When all that went down, it changed everything for both Wayne and me. He lost a foot, and I lost him, my bonus family, and in a way, my own parents. He needed me as much as I did him, but my parents kept me away. In hindsight, I understand it. They were scared and didn’t know what to do or say. How to explain it. But it not only drove a wedge between Zom and me, it drove a wedge between me and my parents, but that part of a story for another time.”

He seemed deeply invested in it but not ready to share with her, and she got that.

“Anyway, once he made it through the worst and was back to school, we picked up right where we left off. Except, I couldn’t forgive his mom. She’d done that. She cut off her own son’s foot because of some twisted notion that keeping him close to her would keep him safe. And he just fucking forgave her. I couldn’t get it. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t hate her. Hell, I did.”

That pit in her stomach was back with a vengeance.

“I couldn’t look at him. By senior year, I was so angry at him, and for him, that I thought we’d never be close again, and we weren’t, not until the Bastards. We still went to the same schools, hell, worked in the same places, but it was different.”

“How did you get over it? Or was it him?”

“He was never on it, so there was no getting over it for him. The thing about Zom is he doesn’t hold shit. If it needs to be let go of, he fucking releases it. Same with everything in his life. He’ll fight like hell for things worth fighting for, but they have to want to be in the fight if that makes sense.”

It kinda did but also kinda didn’t.

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