Page 54 of Bitten By Zombie

HEIDI

A tidal wave of guilt and sadness washed over her. Pushing her under and she couldn’t breathe from the weight of it.

Not for Stan. No, he didn’t deserve it and she wouldn’t shed a single tear for him. If she ever did get sad thinking of him in the future, she’d shift those emotions to his victims. Victims her own mother was willing to provide.

No, the guilt that had her pulling from his arms and getting dressed was for Sherry and their unborn child. Heidi wouldn’t destroy a family.

Her family was as destroyed as one could get in a different way, but she refused to willingly participate in destroying another.

It was bad enough that she’d slept with him. But she wasn’t thinking about Sherry when Zombie crossed the threshold. She saw something in his eyes that almost broke her. She wanted to take that look away from him.

Especially since she’d brought all her bullshit to their doorstep. So, it was her fault that look was in his eyes. Her fault Santa was shot. Her fault the cops were sniffing around them. Her fault that Sherry was in the hospital even.

The massive amount of bullshit that was her fault was enormous. She couldn’t go back to her apartment yet. Outlaw explained it would be at least twenty-four hours before Eureka had it cleaned. And apparently, she needed a new bed too.

However, she could stay in Johnny’s office for a few days. He’d offered when they fumigated her building, but she stayed with Stan instead.

She couldn’t be there when Sherry got back, and according to the doctors, her observation was set to end with the rising sun.

“Heidi?” Zombie’s voice almost brought her to her knees. Everything she never knew she wanted was within the walls of a freaking clubhouse.

The man she loved who loved her back with an intensity that was almost terrifying. A family of brothers who were ride or die. The way real brothers should be. But it was all still out of reach.

Zombie was starting a family, and she couldn’t interfere with that.

“Um, I have to go,” she said as she snapped her bra and pulled her shirt down over her head. “Thanks for everything you and the guys have done for me. I can never repay you for it all, but I’ll get a check over to Royal today.”

He said nothing, and that was both a blessing and a curse.

Tears threatened to choke her. She tried to center herself. “But I think it’s best if I leave…now. I can stay at Johnny’s until my apartment is ready.”

She didn’t know what to say. She hated the look of heartbreak on his face she caught a glimpse of when she reached for her shoes.

What she wanted to do was shout that she loved him too then fall back into bed, but that wasn’t meant to be. It would only cause more pain to draw it out.

Already, the pain was unbearable. When they’d made love, it had been two souls joining together, melting into one another. Now she was trying to wrench them apart. The end result would be both of them shattered and bloody.

She sat on the couch to put her shoes on. While she’d done so, she noticed from the corner of her eye Zombie putting his foot back. It just seemed so natural now. Just a part of him.

Before she had her second shoe on, he was standing naked in front of her. No shame. She allowed her eyes to drift up to his, and that was a mistake.

He was not just heartbroken, but pissed. Even so, she had zero fear he would hurt her. Not physically, but any words that were sure to follow wouldn’t feel good for either of them.

“Why can’t I be a part of your life? Why can’t we be a thing? I won’t try to control you, Heidi. You know that. You can have your old life back, but why can’t I be a part of it?”

With a sigh, she stood. He didn’t step back and give her space, so they stood front to front. She placed her hands on his pecs. He made no move to cover her hands with his as he usually did.

“It’s not that, Zombie. It’s…”

What could she say?

“It’s fucking what?” The words sounded like cut glass coming through his teeth like they were. “Why won’t you say you love me back?”

Heidi stared into his hurt brown eyes. She couldn’t say she didn’t.

“Because.”

“Because what, Rabbit?” His voice was more pleading now. Gentler. He trapped her hands with his when she tried to pull away and scoot around him.

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