Page 85 of Playing to Win

Colin shifted uncomfortably. He already knew these facts and didn’t fancy having them recited at him. “I don’t need your pity.”

“No, what you need is—” Andrew cut himself off, then drew the heel of one hand over his forehead, as if pressing the right words into his brain. “You need me to try to understand, even though I can never truly know what it’s like.”

Colin could barely nod as hope hatched within him. This could be a start, or at least the start of a start.

“What’s most amazing,” Andrew continued, “is that despite all obstacles, you’re making something of yourself. You’re at university, and you’re campaigning for independence—oh, and in your spare time, you’re a star footballer for a history-making side.” He finally released his death grip on the worktop and stepped forward, halving the distance between them. “I’m in awe of you, Colin MacDuff.”

Colin blinked hard. This was definitely not a breakup—or if it was, it had the most flattering prelude he’d ever heard.

Andrew came closer, almost near enough to touch. “Do you remember that night in Edinburgh, the first time you were inside me?”

“Of course I remember.” Colin’s voice felt and sounded like gravel.

“You said we’d never be equals. But you were wrong.” Andrew stepped up to him, then drew his fingertips along the collar of Colin’s T-shirt. “You’ve always been more than equal to me, in every way that matters. And if I ever, for one moment, acted as though that wasn’t true, then I am more sorry than you can possibly imagine.”

Andrew kissed him softly. For a moment, Colin was too paralyzed to kiss him back or even close his eyes. This wasn’t a rejection. This was…

He didn’t know what this was. He only knew he wanted it, and that until this moment, he hadn’t known how badly he needed it. Needed Andrew.

Colin bent his knees and lifted Andrew off his feet. Andrew wrapped his thighs around Colin’s hips as he carried him to the sofa, where they crashed down together onto the firm leather surface.

As they ground together, kissing deeper and deeper, Colin marveled at the familiar way they fit. In just six weeks, he’d learned exactly how far his fingers could curl around Andrew’s arse, depending whether it was clothed in jeans or chinos or nothing at all. He’d learned how the brush of a tongue against the roof of his mouth would make Andrew convulse with desire. He’d learned how hard and fast Andrew needed to be fucked in order to come.

But there was much Colin hadn’t learned yet. How to hear the hitch in Andrew’s breath that told him to slow his pace. How to make a proper mojito. How to say goodbye and really mean it.

Beneath him, Andrew pushed against his shoulders.

“Am I crushing you?” Colin asked.

“No.” Andrew gazed up at him, his lips swollen and ruddy from the rough kisses. “Last night you said that when you got me alone, you’d give me twice as much of yourself as usual. That’s what I need.”

“Need for what?”

Andrew swallowed. “To know if this is real.”

Colin stared down, panic rising within him. But when he tried to pull away, Andrew’s arms and legs held him fast.

“I don’t want it to be real.” Andrew’s voice trembled, almost sounding threatening. “It would make things dreadfully complicated.”

Complicated.“I don’t know what you mean. We’re just having a laugh.” He slid a hand between them, down over Andrew’s cock. “We’re just fucking.”

“No, we’re not.” Andrew grabbed his hand. “And right now I don’t want you to fuck me. I want you to make love to me.”

Colin froze for one long moment, immobilized by that lustrous blue gaze. Then fear gave him the strength to pull away. “No, I don’t—” He lurched to his feet, stumbling against the coffee table. “Make love? I don’t even know—”

“Yes, you do.” Andrew reached for him. “Please.”

Colin turned away, rubbing the scars on both his arms. If this was a test, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pass or fail. To let down all his barriers and just…be with Andrew, what would he have to give up? Something he might never get back?

“I don’t know if I can,” Colin said finally.

Behind him, Andrew didn’t speak. He seemed to be holding his breath. Colin took a step toward the door, then another, then stopped.

Then he closed his eyes and whispered, “But I’ll try.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

ANDREWWONDEREDIFhe’d made a huge mistake.

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