Page 87 of Must Love Christmas

Once Simon was in bed, he fell asleep hard and fast, but woke when Garen crawled in beside him.

“Hey,” he managed to mumble, but kept his eyes closed, hoping his boyfriend would go to sleep straightaway.

But Garen wrapped an arm round Simon’s waist under the covers and snuggled close from behind. “Oh my God, you’re so warm.” He settled his head on Simon’s pillow. “Is this okay? Am I hurting you?”

“You’re not hurting me,” Simon said, choosing not to answer the first question. “G’night.”

“Goodnight.” Garen kissed the nape of his neck and fell still.

Most of him, anyway. Just as Simon was drifting back to sleep, he felt Garen’s cock twitch against his arse.

“Sorry, that was involuntary,” Garen whispered, stuffing a fold of the duvet between them. “There, that should help.”

But it was too late. Though most of Simon’s body was sliding toward sleep, one part of him was now headed in the opposite direction.

“Wish I wasn’t too tired.” He reached back to sweep his hand over Garen’s thigh.

“It’s okay. I’m just happy to be here.” He caressed Simon’s waist with a firm touch. “For what it’s worth, though, I’m not too tired to do stuff for you. If you fancied me sucking you off now. For instance.”

Simon’s prick responded with enthusiasm, but he said, “I don’t want you to do that.”

“Okay. Goodnight again.”

In the ensuing silence, Simon felt the need to explain. “I mean, I want you to do it, but not if I can’t reciprocate. I don’t feel right about that.”

“I don’t mind, else I wouldn’t have offered.”

“Imind,” Simon said. “You already do too much for me.”

Garen shifted up onto his elbow. “Do I? Like, in general?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Okay, so they were having this conversation. Simon reluctantly switched on the faerie lights, then turned over. “You’ve been so kind to me. I can never repay you, and that makes me feel like shit.”

Garen’s voice softened. “Oh, Simon, never talk of repaying me. It’s not necessary.”

“I can’t help it.”

“But the whole point of kindness is that it’s not done to get something in return. It’s not tallied in some sort of ledger as a debt on one side and a credit on the other. Besides…” Garen sank back and laid his head on the other pillow. “Letting me help you is a gift to me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Obviously.” He placed his hand on the duvet between his body and Simon’s. “Helping you makes me happy, but more than that, it makes me feel competent, which is pretty rare in my personal life.”

Simon felt his resistance crack but not quite crumble. Garen sounded so desperately sincere, it was hard to doubt he believed his own words. Maybe that was all that mattered.

“Promise me you’ll stop if I become a burden,” Simon said.

Instead of protesting that Simon could never be a burden or some such nonsense, Garen said, “I promise. Remember, I’m not keen on miserable situations.”

Simon wondered what would constitute a miserable situation between them. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

Garen flicked a glance downward. “Shall I give you a blowjob, then?”

Simon laughed. “Well, if it would make you feel more competent.”

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