Page 119 of A Duet of Darkness and Dreams

“I know.” Her eyes are shining with unshed tears. “I believe you.”

I rest my hand over hers and swallow. “Thankfully they let me go since there was no evidence of domestic abuse. That’s when the band broke up. Sam thought I’d had a change of heart and ditched the recording session, refusing to believe his cousin was an alcoholic. I should’ve left then.”

I let out a deep breath.

“But you didn’t?” she asks.

Shaking my head, I continue. “No. I foolishly thought there was still something to keep me there. Then a few weeks later I got a call from Emily. She was drunk, of course. She wanted me to come and get her from some party, and I had to remind her that we weren’t together anymore, because how could I be with herafter that? That’s when she threatened to—” I sniff. “She threatened to kill herself if I didn’t come.”

“Oh my god,” Izzy whispers. Her eyes instinctively glance at her bandaged hand. Does she understand why I was so panicked over her injury? That for one fleeting moment I thought maybe she had tried to hurt herself. That I had ruined another life just by being near her?

“I told her I never wanted to see her again. That she ruined my life.”

“Dave—”

“I thought I did enough. I even called Sam to warn him she might try something. But it didn’t matter.”

“So she—?”

I shake my head and look into her shining eyes. “She stole someone’s car then wrapped it around a telephone pole.”

The tears leak from her eyes.

“She died instantly,” I whisper.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It was my fault, Izzy. If I had just gone to get her—”

“No. She made her own choice. That’s not on you.”

“But it is. I was supposed to protect her, but I cared more about my own ambitions and dreams. If I had paid more attention, maybe I could’ve gotten her help.”

“You can’t keep blaming yourself for that. Sometimes,” she starts with a sniffle. “Sometimes the people we love are bad for us.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

She shrugs. “My ex. I thought he loved me but really, he just wanted someone to take care of him. He didn’t care about my dreams, and when he figured out I wasn’t going to give up on mine for his, he moved on by sleeping with my best friend Ana.”

“Shit,” I mutter, my fist clenching on instinct. How could anyone do that to her?

“I hated him for a long time, but now I just . . . I guess I pity him.” Neither of us says anything for a long moment until I can’t stop the words from falling out of my mouth.

“I hated her too.”

She blinks and looks at me hard.

“I loved her so much, but I also hated her. She made me feel worthless and stupid. She manipulated me and I—I’m terrified to think that maybe I was the one who changed her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was fun, beautiful, smart, wanting to get away from her alcoholic father before she met me. But what if I’m the thing that poisoned her? Maybe I’m cursed.”

“You’re not cursed,” Izzy says, placing both her palms on either side of my face.

“But what if it’s all because of me? That I’m the reason everything gets destroyed.”

“Do you want to know what I’ve learned while writing this article?” she asks, her lips licking the tears that have fallen down her cheeks. At my silence she presses on. “You’re the person who builds everyone up. You are part of all of it. The key moment in everyone’s story.”

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