Page 123 of A Duet of Darkness and Dreams

My jaw drops to the floor and next thing I know, I’m being hauled up and dogpiled on. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I’ll wake up and Izzy will be happily snuggled up next to me in bed. I can’t believe it! Our very first album—an EP album—went gold? Five-hundred-thousand copies sold? I can’t believe it. This might be the greatest moment of my life, but as I extricate myself from the jumping mosh pit of excited bandmates, I realize that the one person I want to tell the most isn’t here.

She’s the first one who pops into my head to tell good news. She’s the one I want to have wrapped up in my arms when I’m feeling down. I want to wake up to her wild hair in my face everymorning and watch her long eyelashes fluttering while she sleeps every night.

Jumping down off the stage, I head for the exit. I can make a fair guess where Isabella might be.

“Hey, Noblar!”

I spin around outside the theater doors, and my stomach flips. “Sam?”

Never before have I thought I might be so high that I hallucinated something, but as I stand on the street, face-to-face with the man who was my best friend, I wonder if this is real. His hair is shorter and his face is thinner. A cascade of memories flit through my mind as I remember all of the time we spent growing up together. Until it all ended.

He smiles at me and steps forward. “Long time no see, man,” he says, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I—uh, yeah. Long time,” I say cautiously. “What, uh . . . what are you doing here?”

“Came to see your show,” he says, gesturing to the marquee above his head. I wonder briefly if Izzy is responsible for this one too.

“Really?”

“I thought maybe if I showed up early enough, I might catch you, and, well . . . I guess I was right.”

I cross my arms over my chest as though preparing to defend myself. “Right.”

There’s an awkward pause and Sam coughs into his hand before pulling out a cigarette. “Want one?”

I let out a sigh. “Fuck, all right.”

His smile grows and somehow the tension eases slightly as we both light up and take long drags.

“Listen, part of the reason I’m here . . . I wanted to talk to you,” Sam finally says.

“Oh?”

“Actually, I guess what I meant to say is—I want to apologize.”

I choke on the smoke and cough. “What?”

Sam closes his eyes and shakes his head. “The things I said to you, accused you of—I was a first-class fucking douchebag. No one deserves that. It’s no excuse, I know, but I was stressed out. I never told you this but my dad had declared bankruptcy that summer. We were going to lose the house and you kept pushing to spend all this money on recording a demo, and when I knew we were facing eviction, I guess it just all seemed like too much.”

My cigarette nearly falls from my mouth. “Dude, what? Why didn’t you tell me that at the time?”

He shrugs. “Ashamed, I suppose.”

“I would’ve helped you.”

“I know.” He takes another drag. “And Emily . . .” His voice cracks. “I was distracted, I didn’t see what you and clearly everyone else did. She was sick and messed up and I’m sorry that I blamed you for what happened to her.”

I blink several times, not believing what I’m hearing. “Sam . . . no, you were right. I should’ve been there for her. I should’ve done more—”

“We were eighteen,” Sam interrupts. “Not that much younger than now, but comparatively to what I know now in life? We were babies. We weren’t equipped to handle or fix her problems. Besides, she’s the one who got in that car.”

“If I had just gone to get her—”

“Then she would’ve done something else,” Sam says, reaching forward to place his hand on my shoulder. “When I think about what she told those cops about you . . .”

It’s getting harder to keep the moisture out of my eyes. “Yeah.”

“Anyone who knows you would know you’re the last person who would ever hit a woman.” He takes a long deep breath. “Anyway, I just want you to know—what I said . . . you’re not a disease, Dave. And it was clear you were the one thing keeping all of our heads above water. Everything turned to shit after you left. I tried for so long to blame you for how it all turned out, but the guys and I . . . we know now you were the star.Wewerethe ones holdingyouback.”

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