Page 126 of A Duet of Darkness and Dreams

When I walk through the door, I’m immediately caught by the blue eyes I’ve grown to love so much. They widen and his lips part as he goes to stand, but I subtly shake my head. I watch several emotions play out across his face. Hope, despair, anger, and finally acceptance, but he doesn’t stay. Without a word, he stands and heads through another door toward the stage. As hard as it is to watch him go, it’s easier this way.

James is next to me a heartbeat later. “Hey,” he says somberly. “I, uh . . . I heard you’re leaving in the morning.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yeah. I think—I mean, I’m done with the piece forEarworm,so it’s probably best for everyone if I go.”

James places his hands on his hips and looks down at his feet. “I really think you should stay.”

Everything feels worse when you disappoint someone. And disappointing James is the worst of all. “I can’t,” I whisper.

“Listen, I try not to get involved in my friends’ love lives but . . . don’t give up on him.”

I scoff. “What’s the point? He’s made his position very clear and while I may be a touch masochistic, I’m not willing to put myself through this constant torture anymore.”

He sighs and shoots an angry glare at the door where Dave disappeared.

“I’m really sorry, James. I thought Dave and I could be friends. I so desperately wanted to keep all of you in my life—Becks too—but I don’t think I can.”

“He cares about you, I know he does.”

“Not in the way I need him to,” I say, shaking my head. “Besides, he’ll forget all about me once I’m gone and no longer raining on his parade.”

James’s frown deepens. “What do you mean?”

I roll my eyes. “Oh, come on. I know about the wristbands, okay?”

His eyes widen. “You do?”

“Don’t worry, I know you don’t partake.”

“But how—?”

“The first night on the bus, I was trying to find a place for my clothes and it was the first cupboard I opened. Then Barney kind of explained it,” I finish, glancing up.

For a moment he says nothing, then laughs. “Fuck, I knew those wristbands were going to get everyone in trouble. Look,” he says, leaning forward. “I know what it looks like but . . . there’ve been no other girls.”

“James, you don’t have to protect him. I’m not blind—I’veseen them backstage. Gorgeous women wearing them and hanging all over him. There’s even some here tonight.”

“Yeah, they may be wearing them. But the road crew gives those out. He hasn’t hooked up with anyone the entire tour.”

I freeze. “He . . . what?”

“Not a single one. Actually, he hasn’t hooked up with anyone else since the album came out.”

“But that was months ago. That was before Christmas.” Before we ever slept together.

He nods.

A tingling rush feathers its way across my skin. “What are you saying?”

James smiles. “He’s crazy about you. He’s just also . . . unfortunately, an idiot.”

“Five-minute call everyone.” One of the crew members holds open the door, and Key and Joel pry themselves away from their apparent fan club. Spotting me with James, they both give me an awkward smile then head out.

“Got to go,” James says. “Promise me you’ll at least stay until the end of the show? You might change your mind.”

I look between him and the door, nodding ever so slightly. James smiles wide then heads out with the others. I let out a huge breath and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. Is James telling the truth? Has Dave really not been with any other girl since the night he autographed my shoulder? The butterflies in my stomach lurch to life, then all too quickly fall down again.

If he hasn’t been hooking up with anyone, then why tell me he didn’t want to be exclusive? Why would he tell me he can’t be in a relationship? He’s clearly had ample opportunity to be with whoever he wants. Looking at the pile of girls on the couch, I spy two blondes who, months ago, I would’ve said were just his type.

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