Page 123 of A Ballad of Betrayal and Beauty

The rage begins to bubble up again. Not at her, but at him. “You lied to me,” I say, heart aching. “All these years, and you never told me about her? I told you everything about myself,” I yell. “All these secrets. Did I ever really know you?”

I’m yanking open the door, not waiting to hear his pathetic response, and walking down the stone path toward the driveway. They’re calling after me but I can’t stay. I won’t. They don’t want me. They have each other now, and the band has gone to shit. Here I was worried Key would be the one left behind—who knew I would be so wrong? Who knew it would be me?

The engine roars to life and I back out of the driveway. I don’t even know where I’m going. All I want to do is drive. At least it’s something to do. I don’t know how long I’m on the road for but finally my tears dry, and as I wipe my face, I almost don’t notice the red light before slamming on the brakes.

“Shit,” I curse, bouncing back against the headrest.

A car horn blasts on my right, jolting me further, and I watch two gigantic headlights barrel toward me.

CHAPTER32

Baby Can I Hold You

DUSTY

Everything is a mess. My life always is. Why did I think it would ever work out for me? I was right to push Joel away. I only end up hurting the people I love. And I do love him. And Key . . .

Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

Because the truth is I never stopped loving him. I’ve pushed that love down into the deepest darkest parts of me, but when he hugged me it was like a dam broke, and everything I’ve kept hidden for all these years burst over the shore like the waves of a tsunami.

But I ruined it again. I hurt Joel and possibly broke the friendship that he’s held so dear for so many years. I’ll never forgive myself for it.

Key stands in the open doorway staring out at the street as if willing Joel to come back. I don’t know what to do, but I’m freezing. Shivers cover my body even on this summer day, but perhaps they’re not because I’m cold.

“Key?”

He turns around to look at me, and his tear-streaked face will haunt my dreams. “I . . . I . . .” he tries, but he can’t seem to get the words out.

Should I comfort him? I want to. It feels natural that I would, but he was so mad at me. He must hate me. He hugged me, yes, but that was only because I told him about the miscarriage. Maybe he wants me to leave.

“Can I use your phone?” I ask.

He blinks for a moment, then his brow furrows. “My phone?”

I nod and wrap my arms around myself, realizing I’m still in Joel’s shirt and nothing else. “I’ll leave. I can call a cab and go.”

“You’re . . .” he starts. “You’re not going to wait for him to come back?”

I shrug. “I don’t think he wants me to be here when he comes back.”

Key closes the front door, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes, he does.”

“No. I didn’t tell him the truth about . . . I didn’t tell him about my past. He won’t want to speak to me now.”

“Yes, he will. He loves you.”

More tears sting my eyes but I wipe them away. I need to pull myself together. “He can call me if he wants to talk,” I say. “I’ll get dressed, then I’ll be gone. You won’t have to see me again.”

I head for Joel’s bedroom hallway but Key stops me, his warm hand wrapping around my wrist. “Wait.”

He can’t even make eye contact with me. I’m a horrible person. If only we had talked in Vegas. If only I wasn’t so stubborn, so proud, so guarded. If only I trusted the boy who said he loved me more than anything over the man I knew spent the majority of his life hurting his son. If only, if only,if only—there’s too many to count.

“Maybe . . .” he whispers, staring at my bare feet. “Maybe you could stay. Maybe we could talk?”

His gaze finally meets mine andgodhow I’ve missed those hazel eyes. For a moment, it’s like we’re teenagers again, when he was the only good thing in my life.

I need to say yes. This could be my only chance for us to clear the air, and we both need closure, so I nod. No moreif onlys . . . especially if I want to fix things with Joel.

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