Page 139 of A Ballad of Betrayal and Beauty

“Oh, right. Of course,” he mumbles.

“Only,” I start, peering up at him. “I don’t have a ride. Do you think?—?”

“Oh! Yep, right . . . umm, let me just check with Dave and I’ll be right back.”

In a moment of panic, I reach forward and grab his arm. “Wait, Dave?”

“Yeah, he has a car. I don’t think he’d mind driving you home.”

“Oh.”

“Is that okay?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah—yes. Only . . .”

Take Key with you.

“Only, I was wondering if you could drive me home.”

He tilts his head, angling his ear toward me like he didn’t catch what I said. “You wantmeto?”

I nod. “Do you think that would be okay?”

His mouth works for a few moments until finally, “I—yes. I mean, let me ask Dave if I can borrow the car. Just . . . hang on, okay?”

“Sure.” This feels so awkward but, I suppose it can’t be helped. How can we act like ourselves when there’s this huge decision weighing over both of us?

Before I know it, Key’s back, keys in hand.

“We’re good. James and Becks just got here so they can drive Dave and Izzy. You ready?”

My eyes flutter closed. “I’m more than ready.”

A quiet peace washes over me as the two of us walk side by side toward the parking lot and I think that elusive, hard-to-accept reality finally cements in my heart. Joel wants this. Key wants this. All I need to do is show them I want it too. Both of them. Forever.

CHAPTER40

Love to Love You Baby

KEY

“Just pull up here by the curb,” she says, pointing to an open space in front of a laundromat.

“Sure.” I look through the window and read out the neon sign. “The Sudsy Dream?”

Her cheeks turn pink in the light. “Yeah, I . . . my apartment is upstairs.”

“Oh,” I say, glancing up at the dark windows above. “Right.”

We’re quiet for a few moments, and I rake my brain trying to think of something to say. This drive has been torture. I know she and Joel talked. I made myself scarce so they could have their time, plus I didn’t want to pressure her. I know her too well, even after all these years apart—the last thing she needs is to feel backed into a corner.

But her decision is looming, and I’m itching to know it.

I wish I could tell her I’ll live with whatever she decides. That I’ll always love her and that if she doesn’t want me, I’ll stay away so she can be happy. But that honorable part of me is dwindling by the second. My chest gets tighter the longer my mind spins without real answers and . . . shit, what if I lose her again?

“Do you want to come up?” she asks.

My stomach tumbles. “What?”

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