Page 149 of A Ballad of Betrayal and Beauty

I watch as he hesitates. Yup, really doesn’t like me. Miraculously, he decides to hand me one, probably knowing he’ll be a complete asshole if he doesn’t and wants to save face. I’m even surprised when he holds out his lighter for me.

The smoke pleasantly burns my lungs and I try to focus on it to make it less awkward that we’re standing in silence outside together. But his cigarette is almost burned down and if I want to try and fix anything, I need to do it now.

“You know,” I start, and he looks over surprised. “I should probably mention that I quit my job—at the phone sex line.”

His eyebrows rise spectacularly high on his forehead.

“It paid well but it made life too complicated, and I realized I wanted more for myself than that. Is that really something you’d judge me for enough to hate me?”

Dave’s mouth goes a little crooked. Is he confused? I take another drag on my cigarette to mask the nervous tremor in my hand.

“I know it’s not as refined as award-winning journalist or trend-setting fashion designer like the other girls, but this kind of work has been all I’ve known. All I ever thought I was good enough for. And even through that, I was never ashamed of it. The only problem I had was jerks who judgedmefor it. And really . . . who areyouto judge me? You don’t even know me!”

“No, I?—”

“I’m going to make something of myself, but because I want to. Not because I have to.”

“Wait—”

“And if you think I’m with them for the money, you’re dead wrong. I haven’t taken or asked for a cent of their money, ever.”

“Dusty, stop,” Dave begs, holding his hands up in front of him. “Stop. Your job was never the problem. Nor did I ever think you were a gold digger.”

I swallow and it feels like barbed wire. If it isn’t my job or the money, then it really is about the three of us together. I rub my lips together. “I understand that three people in a relationship together isn’t exactly normal?—”

He shakes his head and steps toward me. “No, no . . . it isn’t that either.”

I frown. “Then what? What is it about me you don’t like?”

He looks down and crosses his arms over his chest. For a long moment he’s quiet, as though putting together what he wants to say. Finally, he looks up at me.

“You almost broke up the band.”

My immediate reaction is to argue, but I stop. The words wash over me. Ones I hadn’t even considered. “I—what?”

Dave flicks away his cigarette and lights another. “You and Joel. You and Key. I don’t know what the odds are on it all but fuck, the universe really likes to mess around doesn’t it?”

Now it’s my turn to look shocked. “Sorry?”

Dave takes another step toward me. “Listen, you’re perfectly lovely. You’re beautiful and I couldn’t care less about what you do for a job . . . but those guys in there are my brothers,” he says, pointing with his cigarette back at the door. “What do you think would’ve happened if they weren’t the type of guys who like to share their girl?”

I press my lips together and think about it, but Dave continues voicing my thoughts out loud.

“They would’ve had to choose.Youwould’ve had to choose. And do you really think their friendship would’ve ever been the same if you picked one over the other? They’re more than friends. They’re brothers. Closer than brothers. In truth, it’s actually even a little weird sometimes how close they are. They’re like soulmates. And the only time there’s ever been any drama between them is when you showed up.”

There’s an edge to his voice and it’s clear to me now that he isn’t angry. He’s worried about his friends.

“Would they have been able to stay together in the band if one of them was left out? Do you know what it’s like having to choose between your dream career in music and the love of your life?”

He sounds as though he knows exactly what that feels like. “No. I suppose I don’t.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m unbelievably grateful you knew Key all those years. Some of our best songs are about you. Then when that lawsuit happened and you had them . . . You really saved us,” he says with a half-hearted smile. “But you also almost destroyed us.”

My heart is pounding.

“I know that’s not what you meant to do and I apologize for being standoffish, but I guess I’m just worried that this whole thing you three have arranged is going to blow up in your faces and it’ll ruin everything all of us have worked so hard to achieve. Sacrificed so much for. We’re just at a really vulnerable point right now.” He scoffs. “I don’t even know if we’ll ever be able to get the public back on our side after everything either.”

I look at the ground, shuffling from foot to foot as I take another drag on my cigarette, but it tastes bitter now.

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