Page 36 of A Ballad of Betrayal and Beauty

He sparks it, covering the flame with his palm against the wind, and holds it out for me. He doesn’t invade my space, but rather lets me come to him. It’s a subtle thing. I don’t even know if he’s doing it on purpose, but I appreciate it.

“Sorry, I just—” I inhale when the cigarette lights and step back. “I needed some air. Didn’t mean to be so abrupt before.”

He waves me away. “It’s fine. I needed some air too. That bleach smell was starting to give me a headache.”

I hum. “I guess I’m used to it by now.”

“How so? You don’t work customer support for a bleach company, do you?” he asks.

“No, I uh—”Shit.“I live upstairs.”

His mouth drops open as he backs away from the wall to look above the neon sign for The Sudsy Dream. “You—you live right up there?”

I take another drag and nod.

“That little—” he mutters, spinning around, taking a moment to glare into the laundromat. “All week I came here and she knew?—”

“Joel, why are you here?”

“What?”

“Why are youhere?”

His brows soften. “I told you. Laundry.”

“Your one sock?”

“It really needed washing.”

I flick my cigarette away and make for the door, but as I go he gently grasps my wrist and stops me.

“No, wait. Come on. Listen, I really just wanted to see you again. I figured that was obvious.”

I watch his face. He seems sincere, his amber eyes dancing over my face. Can I trust things might be different with him? “Why would you want to waste your time with me? You don’t even know me.”

“I’m trying to change that but, if you haven’t noticed, you’re making it really hard.”

I suppose I am.

He steps toward me slowly, a gentle smile on his face. “I just want to spend time with you. It’s why I’m here, across town with a single sock and a pocket full of quarters instead of at home with my fully repaired washing machine.”

My mouth drops open. He’s so honest. “Joel?—”

“If you’re not attracted to me—if what I felt between us in Vegas . . . what I felt between us last week—what I feeltoday. . . was all just one-sided, tell me now. I’ll take my soggy sock and never darken the doorstep of The Sudsy Dream again.”

My heart spins in circles as his eyes trail over to my lips, lingering there.

“But if it wasn’t, all I’m asking is for one chance. You’re right, we don’t know each other, but isn’t finding out ninety percent of the fun?”

Half of me wants to take the risk and the other half is too terrified to believe life is presenting me with this opportunity again. If only there was a sign, a message . . . something to show me how to trust again.

“Hey,” Joel says, looking past me, “do you hear that?”

“I—what?”

He touches my shoulder and moves past me down the alley. “I can hear something. Hold on?—”

“Joel?” But he’s gone, and I’m left panicking about my decision. Worried I won’t choose right.

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