Page 75 of A Ballad of Betrayal and Beauty

“Good night, sweetheart.”

I listen as his bed sheets rustle, and after a few minutes of tossing and turning, it sounds like he finally falls asleep.

“Baby?” I say through the speaker. When he doesn’t answer I whisper, “Good night.”

Then I hang up the phone with a soft click.

* * *

By five thirtyin the morning, my feet drag across the sidewalk as I head home from the bus. I’m exhausted. And not the normalI worked all night and live the life of a cave dwellerexhausted. No, right now? I’memotionallyexhausted.

This week has been a lot. My first date with Joel left me giddy and vulnerable. Then Baby was hurting, and he calledmeto make him feel better. Did he call me because he simply has no one else? Or did he call because everyone he knows is sleeping at two in the morning? What happened to make him so sad? He didn’t even try to make the conversation sexual, even though that’s what I get paid for. But the way he just sounded so defeated—it hurts my heart.

The neon sign for The Sudsy Dreamcomes into view, and I stop to stare at the alleyway beside the building. Nausea rolls around in my stomach. Oh god, I’ve spent the last few hours obsessing over a man’s voice and feelings when I was kissing Joel in that alley less than twenty-four hours ago. I blink rapidly, trying to keep my emotions at bay. I know he said he’s not the jealous type, and he doesn’t seem to need any reassurances from me, but I’m starting to develop real feelings for this faceless voice.

What the fuck am I going to do? Everything is such a mess.

I duck up the stairs and slam the door shut. Stella attempts to weave through my legs, but I rush over to the bed and throw myself down onto it. My life hasn’t felt this out of control in years. Not since—not since the hell I clawed myself out of. That feeling of hopelessness, desperation, betrayal, and, at the core of it all, the confusion . . . it’s all rushing back to me, unwelcome. How stupid I was to have so gravely misunderstood his feelings for me. That any moment he was going to show up. That he would be the hero he always tried to be and save me. But then he didn’t. So, once again, it was up to me to save myself. And it damn near killed me.

But I don’t think Joel would do that. I don’t think he would throw me away so carelessly. Sure, he might not want to marry me, but as far as relationships go, I believe he’s genuine about liking me. Then again, I thought Key was too.

I’m too caught up in this phone stranger. It’s scary and wrong, but also . . . intoxicating. The next time he calls? I’ll just have to tell him I can’t speak to him anymore. What’s he going to do? It’s not like he knows who I really am or where I live. For all I know, he lives in New York City.

A fluffy paw bats at my head, and Stella starts to purr as she nuzzles herself into me. I roll over and pull her in.

“I’ve made life a complicated mess again, pretty girl. What am I going to do?”

She meows, then purrs before nibbling gently on my finger. The radio suddenly draws my focus as a metal song slams loudly through the quiet of my apartment. I should turn it off and get into bed, but before I can convince myself to get up, half the song is over and my foot taps along to the double bass beat of the drums.

“That was Carnal Sins’s hit, ‘Firebird,’” the radio host announces.

“Carnal Sins?” I whisper to myself, and Stella perks up. “That’s Joel’s band! I can’t believe I didn’t tell you. He’s on the radio.”

She meows softly as if to confirm to me that she understands I’m sort of, kind of, dating the bass player of the band we just heard.

“It’s metal music. I know it’s not really our thing,” I say as I softly pet her head, “but I kind of like it. And I likehim. Maybe—I don’t know. Maybe that’ll beournew thing? We don’t have many, you know, things.”

I frown and let myself wallow in a little self-pity, if just for a minute. There’s just nothing going on with me. No passions. No hobbies. Movies are really the only thing that gives me any kind of joy. Acting used to do that, but . . . well, look where that got me.

Stella bites me hard, and I yank my hand away with a gasp. “Hey!” I examine the mark, which thankfully seems to have just been a warning—as though she could hear my own self chastising thoughts. “Okay, I’m sorry,” I say. “Let’s go to bed.”

But as I lie awake, unable to drift off to sleep, the memories of my past break out of their carefully crafted vault to haunt me.

CHAPTER19

Young Love

KEY

Eight Years Ago

Idon’t think I’ve ever been so bored in my life. All I want is to see Dusty. She said she’d wait for me, and she had a detention after school anyway.

“Keith?”

I blink and sit up straighter in my chair as I look over at Cynthia Redwood, a stuck-up senior who goes to my church. “Pardon?”

She sighs. “I was saying, we should all work together to get signatures for the petition.”

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