Page 219 of Redeemed

At that, Colton—Colton fucking Heverly—looks like he’s about to cry. He blinks a few times, his gaze tracking my dad as he moves back and ruffles Rachel’s hair. There’s a look in Colt’s eyes that reminds me of who I was as a kid.

Just a lost little boy desperate for his mother’s attention. Except for Colt, it’s his dad, and just like me, he’ll never get what he needs.

“I’ve got hot chocolate on the stove,” Dad says. “Should be enough for everyone.”

I perk up. “Wait, seriously?”

My dad may not be great at cooking, but he doesn’t mess around when it comes to hot chocolate. If Phil says he has some ready, he means the good stuff. It’s the same recipe I made for Haven after Isaiah found her.

“You think I wouldn’t? I know my kids.”

We shove off our boots and follow him into the kitchen. The house is decked out with tinsel and lights, and the Christmas tree shines in the corner of the living room by the front windows. It feels like home, but without Lucas, it doesn’t at the same time.

And that’s how the next four days feel. I bask in the warmth of Dad’s and Rachel’s laughs. We play games, watch movies, and Rachel bakes—well, burns—some Christmas cookies, and then Haven and Colt make another batch that tastes like a tiny bite of heaven.

On Christmas Eve, we take our normal drive around town to admire everyone’s lights. I point out Lucas’s old house to Colton and Haven, and a few spots we used to hang out, too. The church on Main has its usual wreathes on its windows with candles glowing inside. Dad and I go quiet as we drive past, and when I avert my eyes, he speeds up the car.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at that building without getting nauseous. When I glance over at Haven, she has a grim look on her face, too.

On Christmas, we spend the morning opening presents, and then we hang around in our pajamas until we have to leave for dinner at my Aunt Josie’s. Everyone seems to like Colton—he’s good at charming people—and Rachel clings to Haven all night.

Of course, everyone assumes Haven and Colton are dating, and we don’t correct them. I think it makes them a little uncomfortable, but I also don’t miss the possessive glint in Colton’s eyes every time someone asks him.

A pretty bad storm hits in the middle of our stay, so the day after Christmas, Colton and I get some of the snow off the roof. Dad tries to protest, but I know he’s worried about it, and I don’t like the idea of him doing it by himself.

After we’re done, we make sure to clear the driveway one last time. I didn’t ask Colton to help, but he’s volunteered for everything right alongside me. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t expect it. Luc and I are the closest thing he has to real family.

And… maybe I’m too hopeful, but Haven could get there, too.

. . .

By the time we have to leave for Birchwood, I’m settled in again. I want to stay here forever. I want to wake up to my dad making pancakes and take over for him when I see how tired he is. I want Rachel to fall asleep on me every night and then have to carry her up to bed without waking her. I want to listen to her and Haven giggling over arts and crafts all day.

I want to stay frozen in time.

But the ache I always feel when I’m apart from Lucas has only grown. That’s been the only downside to this Christmas. I just wish he could be here with us.

“You and Lucas doing all right?” Dad asks quietly as I sling my backpack over my shoulder.

“Yeah, we’re fine. He wanted to come, but…”

“Rora?”

I nod.

“Maybe they can both come up next year.”

“Can we fit that many people in the house?” I ask. “That’s six people.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Oh! You think Colton and Haven will be back next year?”

Right.He doesn’t know that we’re slowly turning into a package deal again. And… well, I’m already building a future in my head that includes Haven forever.

“I guess I don’t know. We’ll see.”

“They’re welcome again, even if Lucas and Rora come, too. We’ll make it work, Xan.”

I hug him tighter than I need to. I just… I wish I’d gotten more time with him and Rachel without Mom around.

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