Page 332 of Redeemed

Reluctantly, I release Xander and let Colton pick me up. He carries me to the couch and carefully sets me down. As he situates us so I’m in his lap, embarrassment creeps into my mind. I can’t even carry a normal fucking conversation without having a panic attack.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Stop,” Colton says softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I—I shouldn’t—”

“Shh. Try to relax for me. Put your head on my chest. Yeah, that’s good. Now focus on my heartbeat. Can you do that?”

I nod.

“Good girl,” he says quietly.

For a few minutes, we stay like that, and I focus on Lucas distracting Rachel and her sweet, innocent giggles. The smell of waffles wafts over, and then Lucas brings two plates to the living room and sets them on the coffee table.

Kneeling in front of me, Lucas runs a hand over my hair. “You still hungry, little fawn?”

“I…”

“I put chocolate sauce and strawberries on top, just the way you like.”

Oh.That actually does sound nice.

“Thank you,” I mumble as I sit up.

“Of course.” Lucas’s lips feather across my forehead, and then he moves back to the kitchen.

I eat the waffles slowly, glancing over when I notice Colton on his phone. Guilt washes over me. “Do you have work to do?”

“No. I took care of all the urgent things this morning, and Charlotte is handling the rest for me.”

“Then what—”

“I was asking Cal to bring Athelia over, that’s all.”

Athelia.She’ll understand how I’m feeling. It’s not that the guys don’t, but with Thelia, she knows everything I can’t say.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

Despite the inconvenience, Colton keeps me in his lap while we eat. Athelia shows up just as we finish. The moment she sees me, she drops her bag and rushes over.

“Haven.”

I slip off Colton’s lap and stumble into Athelia. The second her arms encircle me, I break. My sobs echo off the living room’s tall ceilings, and I barely notice Colton guiding both of us to the couch. We end up lying down with my face buried in her neck and her arms clutching me to her, keeping me together.

“I’m so sorry, Haven,” Athelia says softly. “Just let it all out.”

The part of me that feels bad for crying so loudly with everyone in the other room fades. It feels like I’m drowning in a sea of sorrow, not just because of Isaiah, but because of Ruth, because of Jeremiah, because of Esther and the rest of my siblings. The people I care about are still helplessly trapped, and I can’t do anything about it.

I think I was wrong yesterday. Even if I never go back home again, it was naive of me to believe I was free. Cornerstone still has its long, jagged claws in me, and I think it always will.

Xander

OnceHavenissituatedwith Athelia, Dad pulls me onto the back porch. I don’t want to step away from Haven, but she seems distracted enough at the moment that she doesn’t notice.

I tip my head up toward the blue sky. It’s warm out, although Colton’s backyard is mostly shaded, so the sun isn’t directly shining on us. We should bring Haven out here later. Maybe it’d help her a little to be outside.

“Xander,” Dad says gently.

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