Page 143 of Redeemed

I’m moving toward her before I’ve made a conscious decision to do so. She hears me approaching and looks up, and I have to resist the urge to run my hand through the waves of her purple and brown hair.

Pulling out the bag of M&M’s in my pocket, I offer some to her, but she shakes her head.

“How’re you doing?” I ask.

She shrugs and turns back to the window. “Fine, I guess. Doing a lot of thinking.”

“You and me both,” I mutter. “Want to talk about it?”

“I wish I could.” Her shoulders sag. “I wish Athelia was here.”

“I’m sorry, doll. I know it’s hard, not being able to talk to her.”

She sniffles. “The important thing is that she’s safe from Isa—from everything. He’ll leave eventually, I think.”

“That’s what’s on your mind? The man who wants to hurt you?”

Haven shakes her head. “Colton.”

Keeping some distance between us, I lower myself onto the window seat. “About what he said?”

“Maybe I do need to be forced.” She sounds resigned and almost a touch remorseful.

“What? No, Haven, don’t say that.”

“But what if I do?” She looks up at me. “What if it’s worth trying?”

“Are you—no.No.You can’t be serious.”

“What if it works, though? What if it…” She gestures to herself. “What if it fixes me?”

“You don’t need to be fixed, doll.”

“Maybe I want to be.”

“No, just stop it. Colton got into your head, that’s all. Don’t listen to him. He’s a dumbass.”

She has her knees tucked under her chin with both her arms wrapped around her legs. Her eyes are wide with an odd mixture of anxiety and curiosity. “I’ve thought about it a lot.”

“He’s manipulating you.”

“He’s always right!”

I laugh. “No, Haven, he’s not. Today is the perfect example of that.”

“But what if he’s right about this? What if this is what I need to get past my fears?”

“Who said you have to?”

“I do,” she snaps. “I don’t want to live like this forever. I’ve been trying to get past it on my own for years, but I can’t. I need help, Xander.”

“This isn’t the way.”

“You don’t get to decide that for me,” she seethes.

Relief flows through me. Seeing Haven angry is ten times better than seeing her broken and distraught.

“I need to be forced,” Haven continues. “Not—not the way that happened when I was younger, and not like what Colton did today. If it could be more controlled, if I could still have a way to back out, then I think that could work. I could… I don’t know, desensitize myself to sex.”

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