Page 152 of Redeemed

At that, Colton’s face goes blank. She caught him off guard. Hell, she caught me off guard, too, because what the fuck? This is the worst idea in the history of worst ideas.

“I need more details,” Colton says, his voice unexpectedly soft. He’s watching Haven with more concern than anything else. “This is… this is a lot, angel. We need more details.”

“No.” Arms crossed, I shoot him a hard look. “After yesterday, there’s no way we’re even considering this. We’re not re-creating the scenario that made her want tokill herself.”

“I don’t see the harm in hearing her out.”

“Yeah, just like you didn’t see the harm in torturing and assaulting her.”

“This is different. It’s worth listening to what she has to say.”

“Not when you—”

“Stop,” Haven shouts. She’s standing with her fists clenched at her sides, and her cheeks are tinged pink from frustration. “Just stop it, both of you. This is my decision.Mine.I’m a whole fucking human, and you three are the ones who taught me that.”

The way her voice breaks at the end is as painful as a stab to the gut. Being in such close proximity to her leaves my chest aching. I feel empty. Based on the way Haven has to take a shuddering breath before she can continue, it’s the same for her.

We all miss what we used to be.

“Iknow what’s best for me.” She casts Colton a pointed glare as she says it.“Iknow what I can handle.Idecide what happens to my body. That power has been taken away from me more times than I can count. Do you really,reallywant to do the same thing to me?”

“I’m trying to protect you,” I snap. “This isn’t a good idea. You’re only going to end up hurt more.”

She shakes her head. “You’re trying tocontrolme. Let me try this, Lucas.

“What if it pushes you further into a downspiral?” I challenge.

“Then we stop.”

“And if we’re not on board?”

“I don’t need you. Xander already said he’ll do it.”

My eyes snap to his, but he looks away, his expression guilty. Now, I’m not only hurt that he didn’t tell me about this last night, but I’m pissed that he thinks this is okay.

I know his kinks almost better than my own. I know what he fantasizes about on the daily because I do it, too. But a CNC dynamic is something you should have with people you trust, and Xander knows that.

“This isn’t you,” I say before I can stop myself. “This isn’t—”

“Just hear her out,” Xander says, eyes pleading.

All I want to do is yell, to rage at him and Colton for going along with this ridiculous idea. But I sit back, arms crossed, and wait for Haven to continue.

“Xan—Xander and I talked about using a safeword. Basically, we’d keep everything the same. You…” She gulps. “You can use me however you want. Degrade me, treat me like I’m nothing but a toy, force me to do whatever you want me to. But now, if I call my safeword, you have to stop. And—and you’re not allowed to punish me when I can’t keep going.”

This is a horrible idea.

“No,” I say. “Just… no. This whole arrangement is bullshit. I never should’ve gone along with it in the first place. We’re not doing this, and I have half a mind to make sure you never touch her again.” I direct the last part at Colton.

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Enough,” Haven says. “Can I talk to Lucas alone, please?”

“What? Why?” I demand.

“Just…” Haven glances at Xander and Colton. “Just give us a minute?”

I shake my head. “Xander stays.”

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