Page 94 of Redeemed

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor fills the room. Someone says my name again, but it sounds muffled, like it’s being shouted from the other end of a long tunnel. All I’m aware of is that it feels like I’m falling, plummeting through an endless pit of darkness, with no hope of ever seeing the sun again.

Lucas

IcatchHavenrightbefore she crashes onto the floor. “Haven! Haven,breathe,for Christ’s sake.”

She only does so after I shake her and repeat what I said. She takes in a series of tiny gasps while I pull her in between my legs. The tile is cold and hard, and while it’s mildly unpleasant, I’m hoping it’ll help ground her. Things like that have helped her before.

“Deeper breaths, Haven. Come on, I know you can do it.” I do my best to get her into an upright position, which means she’s leaning against me,touchingme.

“Did you have to trigger her into a panic attack?” Xander grumbles while glaring at Colton.

“She’ll be fine,” he says coolly.

Xander throws his hands up in the air, exasperated. “She almost passed out!”

While the two of them argue, I focus on Haven. Her body is so small against mine. She’s trembling and muttering, “Can’t go back, can’t go back, can’t go back.”

It’s what she always used to say, which means this guy isdefinitelyfrom the cult she escaped. But why is she hiding that from us?

Like this, Haven feels so… fragile.Breakable,but not in the usual way. Last night, she was terrified enough to ask Colton of all people for help. She can’t stand up to this guy the way she does to us—she didn’t even try. She just… ran.

I hate this.

If we ever let her back into our circle, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t supposed to voluntarily give herself up. We were supposed to force her, to make her beg for the opportunity to earn our forgiveness. There wasn’t supposed to be any scenario in which I held her, sobbing and shaking, in my arms.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I hate that she’s trapped here, but that it’s because she’s choosing to be. I hate who she reminds me of when she’s like this, too scared to function. And I hate that she’s leaning into me like I’m someone she can trust.

I’m not, and I never will be.

“Go back where, Haven?” I ask.

“No,” she mumbles. “Can’t say.”

“He’s gotta be from that cult,” Xander says to Colton, barely loud enough for me to hear. “That’s the only thing that ever made her panic like this.”

I stare down at Haven. She’s not denying it, but that doesn’t mean much considering the state she’s in. I doubt she even heard.

“Can one of you get an ice pack?” I ask.

Immediately, Xander hops to his feet and moves to the freezer. I’m not sure how much it’ll help. All I know is Rora does it sometimes when she gets anxious, so it’s worth a shot.

Shifting in his chair so he can watch Haven better, Colton says, “She told me she didn’t know him.”

“Yeah, well, she was probably lying,” Xander replies as he hands me the ice pack.

With one hand, I hold it to Haven’s chest, keeping my other arm locked around her for support. She shivers at the cold, but she’s too out of it to try to push me away.

“I know that,” Colton snaps. “But why would it matter to her? Why try to hide it? It’s not like we don’t know how she grew up.”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you threatened to tell him where she is if she doesn’t cooperate with you,” I grind out, stiffening when Haven clings to my arm in the way she used to do when I’d hold her like this.

He shrugs. “If anything, I’d say that’s just more proof that we’re right.”

“That’s not the fucking point, man!”

“I made that threat… what? Five minutes ago? She was refusing to tell me who he waslast night.So it can’t be that.”

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