Page 24 of After the Storm

“She went to go talk to Tyler.” He shrugs, throwing a thumb over his shoulder, pointing toward the pond behind the fairgrounds. My jaw winds itself so tight I think my teeth might shatter. It takes almost superhuman restraint to not call my brother an idiot.

“What the fuck?” I nearly yell at him. “Why in the hell would you let her go with him?” I look up at the sky, blowing out a harsh breath. I don’t know if this is any better than calling him an idiot but itisthe best I can do.

“I don’t know what you two have going on but leave me out of it.” He rolls his eyes, turning away from me.You’ve got to be kidding me.I grab his shoulder, yanking him back to face me.

“Nothing is going on with us, you idiot. I’m worried about her. Where did they go?” The words are burning hot with anger and I know I should probably apologize later but I really don’t feel sorry. All I can think about is how scared she must be to be alone with himagain. The thought alone causes bile to rise in my throat but I swallow it down because I don’t have time for anything else.

“The old campgrounds,” he admits and his voice has lost it’s edge. The annoyed look on his face fades into what looks more like guilt. I don’t have the time to explain or to make him feel better. I just turn my back to him and go looking for her.

I’m storming through crowds filled with teenagers here to get high and hang out with their friends or parents out with their children. The place is packed but finally I reach the edge of the fairgrounds. I make my way to the opening through the woods that leads to the old campgrounds.

My mind races as I walk. I’m drowning in rage that feels bigger than me. Still, it’s rage that I have to find a way to shove down by the time I get to her. I try deep breaths but all I can think about is when I had to do deep breaths with her because of a text he sent to her. I try going to a happy place in my mind but my happy place is with her and there is no happy place if she isn’t happy.

It has been hard enough over the last couple of months to not go into a rage about Tyler and everything he has done but I always found a way because I knew what she needed was someone calm and someone consistent. It doesn’t feel possible now though. This doesn’t feel like the kind of rage I can swallow down or ignore.

I think about what he might be saying to her. I think about all the things he could say to make her scared, to make her compliant, to make her feel small. I think about what he could be doing to her and I have to shake that thought away because I think I might throw up if I don’t.

Finally after what seems like forever of walking and searching, I see two silhouettes standing by the pond and I know exactly where I need to be. It’s too foggy and too dark to tell it’s them, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is.

Each step I take, the anger builds and the adrenaline rises. All I can hope is that when I’m there standing in front of her I can contain it enough not to make this worse for her. The last thing in the world I want, is to scare her.

Another few minutes and I’m close enough that I can see her. More importantly I can see that she sees me, she knows she isn’t alone.

Silently I’m screamingDo not draw his attention to me.The fear of what he will do to her if he sees me coming prompts me to slow my stride and take my time. I make a conscious effort not to make too much noise or draw attention to myself. Her eyes flick over his shoulder again but I shake my head. Her eyes quickly flick back to him.Good girl.

The last minute or so of the walk is absolute torture. A million scenarios of what I’ll do when I’m standing there in front of him run through my head. How I’ll deal with him without scaring her.

None of it matters though because the second I’m in arms reach of him, I grab him by the shoulder and punch him right in the face. Once, and then twice. My eyes flick briefly to Audra and she looks okay so I go for the third and that one does it. He hits the ground and the second he does, I turn my body to face Audra. A horrible mix of emotions washes over her face before she lets out guttural sob, doubling over.

Chapter9

Audra

My heart is poundingin my chest. Every breath sets my lungs on fire. Tyler keeps a tight grip on my upper arm, hauling me toward the pond. If I thought for a second I could outrun him, I’d book it. If I thought I could get away with it I’d pick up my phone and call someone. I’d call Roman. Everything is wrong, my world is on fire and I know I’d call Roman. I don’t know when it happened, I don’t know what it means, but I know the second I can, he’s the first call I will make.

There’s nothing particularly aggressive about his actions, he’s just rambling, telling me how lost he is without me and how he’s so glad to have me back. I know how fast that switch can be flipped, how fast it can go south with him.

Every word out of his mouth is frantic, just another reason for me to be cautious. He goes on and on, spewing a long confession about how much he loves me and how he is so glad to have me back.I think I’m going to be sick.

It’s weird how things change so much in such little time. Just a few months ago it would have been so easy for me to go back. The idea wasn’t sickening, it was comforting. Now the thought of being back in that relationship makes my stomach turn. I can’t imagine myself back in a position where I have to sweep things under the rug and miss out on the lives of the people I love because I wasn’t allowed to keep those relationships closer than arms length. The thought is suffocating. I can’t do it, Iwon’tdo it.

“I just need some air,” I say, turning away from him and heading closer to the water. The look on his face will be burned into my brain for years to come. I know tomorrow I have to wake up and add this to the list of things to heal from. A haunting mix of confusion and anger fill his face.

“We’re outside, don’t fucking lie. Stop running from me!” he says, grabbing my arm, turning me to face him. Tears brimmed my eyes. Fear burns red hot in my chest. The contents of my stomach churn and threaten to come up. I swallow it down and take a deep breath. I drop myself to the ground, sitting in the wet grass.

One second at a time. I’ll get through this one second at a time I remind myself. I remember Roman’s words in the kitchen, the way he walked me through my breathing. I follow the steps and I find myself trying to be somewhere else mentally and for the first time, somewhere else, is inhisarms. It’s wrong, I know it is, to sit hunched down in the grass, crying in front of your abusive ex and picture yourself with someone else while he confesses his love to you.

“I won’t leave here without you tonight, Audra,” he says, as he runs his hand down my hair. Still standing above me, towering over me.

“You have to,” I choke out as I sob into my knees, squeezing them to my chest.

“I have to? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he spits. His hand pulls away from my hair and relief fills me. This isn’t love. It can’t be.

I look up past him and a person is walking our way, if I could just play it cool until this person is close enough, I’ll call for help. After all this time of staying silent out of fear, I promise, I swear to myself, I’ll scream for help. I flick my eyes back to Tyler attempting to keep him from looking behind him. If I play into this just for a little while, I can scream for help. So I pull myself up off the ground to be ready to run if I get the chance.

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect this. My mom is expecting me home tonight,” I lie. She knows where I’m at and I don’t think she would be surprised at all if I spent the night at Ares house.

The body approaching is familiar but not familiar enough. I plead with whatever higher power exists that whoever it is, is observant enough to come ask if I’m okay and I promise myself that for once I won’t lie and I’ll get help.

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