Page 38 of After the Storm

“Go hang out with them. I have plans for you later,” he says. Hesitantly, I nod in agreement. I want to tell him to come with me or to let me stay with him. I don’t though, I just listen and go over to the picnic table that Ravyn and Ares are sitting at. I figure I already made Roman and Ares spend over half of the day together. I can put them out of their misery now. I squeeze myself between them despite the fact there is a big open spot on the opposite side of the table.

“Excuse me, sorry!” I announce obnoxiously. They both scooch over a couple of inches and roll their eyes jokingly.

“Done listening to my brother talk about surf stories?” Ares laughs. Somehow given everything we had been through these last few months, I forgot that’s how we thought of him. It was all jokes about him only caring about surfing and bringing girls home. The memory of all the jokes of Roman sleeping with tons of women stings a little. It shouldn’t. Not when I told him we could only be friends.

The weird thing is he had hardly mentioned surfing to me at all. A pang of guilt flashes in my chest at what we had once reduced Roman to before I really got to know him. I wonder momentarily if that’s actually what Ares thinks of his own brother but I don’t ask.

“Yeah.” I let out a dry laugh, one that kills the conversation immediately. I don’t find humor in it but I don’t have the backbone to tell Ares not to say it. There’s a couple beats of awkward silence before we fall back into comfortable conversation and once again the name Kat comes up. For a moment, I let the same feeling of being left out set in before I remember Roman’s words. I remember him telling me how well I was doing. It empowers me to keep the streak going so for the first time instead of being left out I just ask.

“Who’s Kat?” I cut in. I’m surprised at my own words but proud of myself.

“Oh! I didn’t even think about you not knowing her, Audi. You should have asked sooner.” Ares turns to me with a sympathetic smile. Just like that the sting is gone. It was all just an oversight. Ares assumed I knew and I was wallowing in self pity instead of just asking.

“Her name is Katrina. She’s this absolute bombshell that Ares goes to school with. He’sobsessedwith her,” Ravyn explains. For the first time it feels like I’m on the inside again. Ares’ face goes a shade of red I’ve never seen before. I raise my brows at him.

“Oh, you have itsobad for her.” I laugh at him. He holds up two middle fingers. One facing me, one facing Ravyn. We burst out laughing at him and he hides his face.

“I amnotobsessed with her,” he groans. As we’re laughing at him it clicks.

“Katrina and Kat are the same person!” I exclaim. “She’s the girl that was with Roman at the party. She told you he took me home,” I point out.

“Yep. That’s Kat.” Ares nods his head.

“Sheisa bombshell. I remember seeing her and thinking how pretty she was,” I say, nodding to myself. “And overdressed. Why was she so overdressed?” I ask. Ravyn and Ares share a knowing laugh.

“That’s just Kat. Everywhere she goes.” Ravyn shrugs her shoulders.

“So what’s the deal with you two then?” I ask, directing my attention to Ares, wiggling my brows at him.

“We go to school together. We’re just friends. Although I’m bound and determined to change that.” He shoots me a wink. I laugh.

“He left out the part where there’s no way in hell,” Ravyn cuts in.

“Wow, Ray, no faith at all?” he says, clutching a hand to his chest in a dramatic gesture of fake offense. She snorts in response.

“She told him she doesn’t date. Like at all. Something about a strict plan and he isn’t part of it,” she says, directing her attention to me, ignoring a whining Ares beside us. Finally I feel like I’ve been let in on the story. Like I’m no longer an outsider in a friendship I’ve always been an insider of.

We sit around the picnic table poking jokes at Ares and everything else. We eat the sandwiches we packed and pass the time. As the sun starts to set we start drinking and slowly but surely people leave the lake. By the time it’s dark it’s just me, Ares, Roman, Ravyn, and Ares’ parents. We light a fire and sit around it in our fold up chairs. It doesn’t take long after dark for their parents to go back to the house to go to bed.

We spend hours hanging out and laughing. Roman and Ares interact more than normal which is nice to see. Once again I let myself get swept up in the idea of how wonderful it would be to have this all the time. To be able to spend time with them all together like this. I daydream about what it would be like to be with Roman and for everyone to know. No secrets, just me and him and all of our friends and family. Alas, all it is, is a dream. It’s not realistic to think we could really be together right now. It’s not realistic to think even if we were together that that Ares would take it well.

I know I shouldn’t be thinking about being with anyone right now. I can’t help feeling like I’d be passing up a good thing. A great thing even. But after everything with Tyler though, I’m not sure I even trust my perception of a great thing. I mean at one point that seemed like a good idea. He seemed like someone who would treat me right and make me happy. I know people in abusive relationships don’t pick out abusive partners. We picked out people who checked certain boxes and made us smile and laugh. We picked people who love bombed us into thinking we found the loves of our lives. Now I don’t know that I can or will believe myself when I find it for real.

Finally Ravyn stands up and announces she’s going back to the house, Ares stands up right after her.

“I’ll head back too. You guys coming?” he asks, nodding his head in the direction of Roman and me.

“I’m not really tired. I think I’ll hang out a while.” Roman shrugs. I’m acutely aware of the fact I should follow them back to the house but I don’t. Once again I choose to stay up far too late to hang out Roman.

“I’ll stay with him.” Ares and Ravyn nod their heads and start grabbing a few of the remaining things that Allison and Ken didn’t already take back to the house. All that’s left when they leave is me, Roman, and the big towel we have next to the fire. There is a comfort in the air every time I’m left alone with Roman.

“What are we going to do?” Roman asks, leaning back on his elbows. His attention lands on me and holds me there. There is nothing more grounding than his presence and I don’t quite know why. All I know is there’s nothing better for my sanity than sitting with him in a comfortable silence or even answering his million questions.

“We’re getting in, duh,” I tease, getting up and jogging to the water. I hear him run up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and picking me up off the ground. He runs into the water with me before throwing his body backwards taking me under the water with him. When we both stand up I give him a whack on the arm.

“Really?” I ask, laughing.

“You said we were getting in.” He shrugs like that was the obvious answer. I shake my head in fake disappointment before jumping on his back and tackling him back into the water. When we resurface for air we are both laughing loudly. All you can hear at the lake is splashing water and the sound of us laughing. We spend a long time—too long really—messing around, splashing each other, and pushing each other into the water. It’s stupid, it’s childish, but it’s fun.

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