Page 41 of After the Storm

“You said a while.”

“Years. Try middle school,” he says and now I’m stunned. The conversations in high school. He was into me then. He’s been into me the entire time he’s known me and it didn’t scare him away when I showed up on his porch crying. He’s been into me for years and I didn’t give him the time of day until recently. Guilt pangs in my chest because if I had known, things could have been different. We could have had this sooner.

“Middle school?” is all I can stutter out of my spinning mind.

“Yeah, like the first time Ares brought you home,” he says like it’s no big deal but it feels like a big fucking deal to me.

“That can’t be tr—” He cuts me off.

“You were wearing a pink sundress with white flowers on it and had a matching bow in your hair. You had an aquarium themed book bag and you shook my hand and introduced yourself,” he says in a matter-of-fact way that tells me he’s sure. I think back to the first time I went to Ares’ house and what I would have been wearing, I remember shaking the hands of every person in the house—Holy fuck he’s right.

“Oh my God! Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I exclaim, whacking his arm.

“C’mon, Auds, it wouldn’t have made a difference,” he says like he knows it to be true but I think he might be wrong. I was always aware of how hot Ares’ older brother was. At the time that’s all he was though. He’s so much more to me now and I think he could have been then too. Out of respect for Ares I never put him on my radar despite always being attracted to him. It felt like the only logical thing to do. Roman was always in a completely different group than us and in high school things like that matter. I think if I had known how Roman felt, it would have changed things. I wouldn’t have been able to tell myself there wasn’t a chance.

“If I had known, I think things could have been different,” I admit, turning my attention back to the stars. Out of the corner of my eye I can see his gaze linger on me for a few seconds before following suit and dragging them to the sky. He doesn’t say anything and I wonder if he doesn’t believe me or if he, like me, is playing with the idea of what that could have looked like. I break the silence though with another question. One that probably should be left as an inside thought. “If you were into me the entire time why did you always have girls in and out of your room?”

“I never intended on being stuck on the same girl for most of middle and all of high school. I kept trying to—I don’t know—fuck you out of my system? Or maybe even find a nice girl and date her. It never worked though,” he says with a sigh. “No matter who or what I did, my mind always circled back to you. They weren’t you, no one is. No one else does it for me,” he says with a shrug and it might be the single most attractive thing a person has ever said to me. So I do the only thing I can think to in that moment and I lean up and kiss him.

The arm he has wrapped around me pulls me on top of him. Our kisses before were hot and needy but this one is slow and passionate. His hand slides up the curve of my back and tangles in the back of my hair. I let out a soft sigh at the feeling. He pulls away from the kiss and leaves a trail of smaller ones from one side of my jaw to the other.

“You’re goddamn addicting.” He groans lowly in my ear before kissing a trail back to my mouth. All I can do is smile. A cheek splitting, muscle aching, smile.

“What’s your version of The Dream?” I ask. “You know, the life you daydream about having one day,” I add, making sure he knows what I’m asking. I think a piece of me is trying to find the reason this won’t work so I don’t get the chance to be the one to fuck it up. The bigger part of me though wants to hear that he wants everything I want so we can have it together. Still, that small piece gnaws at me.

“Mmm, big question,” he says with a laugh before thinking on it. He sits there quietly twiddling with the ends of my hair. “Long term?” he asks.

“Yeah. Long term,” I confirm.

“I want the shop to still be doing well and hopefully still making the amount of money I am now. I guess outside of that I want what everybody wants. I want a house in Doves Harbor, I’ve always loved it here. I want a wife and a family. What about you?” It’s perfect. It’s everything I’ve dreamed of and it scares the shit out of me. It never seemed within reach but now that it is, it scares me. I used to be so sure about everything I wanted but now I’m not sure I trust my decisions anymore. I don’t know that I’m fit to decide what the rest of my life should look like.

“I don’t know. I used to know but now—” I search for the words. “I don’t know. Everything changed and what if I don’t fit into that anymore.” The words all come out fast and panicked. I suck in a deep breath before spewing some more. “I don’t even know if I should be allowed to make decisions about my future. I mean look at the kind of decisions I’ve made with relationships.” I huff a sound somewhere between a scoff and a dry laugh.

“Is that what this is about? Thinking that Tyler was a reflection of your decision making?” he asks and concern pinches his brows together. All I can offer is a half-hearted shrug of my shoulders. I can’t even look him in the eye. “Auds. C’mon. That isn’t true. People like that… They play with your head. It’s not your fault that his manipulation worked. That doesn’t reflect on you as a person, I promise.”

“I don’t know. I used to want all of those things. I just feel really unsure of everything lately.” I sigh

“We’ll take it one day at a time then,” he says planting a kiss on my temple.

Chapter16

Roman

The bellabove the shop door rings as Beck walks in, catching me red handed singing and dancing to “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift. I’m talking full on, holding my phone as a microphone style. He’s here to switch off shifts with me but here I am, dancing like an idiot. I expect him to laugh at me. Maybe hold this against me for the rest of my days but instead he brings his phone to his mouth and joins me. We are now in a full sing and dance duet number.This is why he’s my best friend.When the song finishes he bursts out laughing.

“What has you smiling and dancing around like that?” He jumps over the counter, making his way over to me. His shit eating grin is enough to have me laughing with him.

“Like what?” I ask like I don’t already know what he’s talking aboutandwhy I’m smiling like that. He tips his head to the side giving me a look.

“Roman, c’mon man. I’ve never seen you in such a good moo—OH MY GOD!” he exclaims.Here we go.

“I’m just in a good mood,” I say throwing my hands up in defeat.

“Oh my God! You totally got the girl,” he says and he might be smiling bigger than me now. I bite the inside of my cheek fighting back the smile that tugs at my cheeks. He isn’t wrong but he isn’t right either.

“I didn’t get the girl,” I say but I know the lack of disappointment in my tone is a dead giveaway.

“So nothing happened with you two?” he asks with a raised brow.Fuck fuck fuck. I can’t lie for shit.

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