Page 46 of After the Storm

“Good girl.” The feeling of her sinking down on me has me wondering if somehow, I’m in heaven. When she is fully sitting in my lap, filled to the brim, and she lets out the most delicious moan, that’s when I know.Yep. I’ve died and gone to heaven.

“Oh my God,” she moans, attaching her lips to mine. Her words are fuel to our fire. If this is my only chance with her, I’ll make sure she never forgets it. I pick up my pace, driving into her from underneath. The sweetest, most addicting sounds fall from her mouth.

“Talk to me.” I nip at her ear. “Tell me how it feels,” I insist. I can tell how good she’s feeling but I need to hear her say it. I need her to feed my ego and tell me she’s loving this as much as I am.

“So good,” she pants, throwing her head back. “Sofucking good,” Audra cries out before letting her head fall forward, forehead against mine. I lean up kissing her forehead, then her nose, then her perfect lips. I love hearing her like this, all worked up, panting, and full of ecstasy. More than that, I love knowing I’m the one taking her there. Theonlyone taking her there.

She keeps grinding herself in my lap and that familiar feeling sparks at the base of my spine. I won’t come before her, that’s just impolite. Not to mention, if I ever want her again, I’ve got to give a good first impression. I slip a hand between us, rubbing her clit with my fingertips. Now she’s holding on to the back of my neck for dear life, probably leaving nail marks in her wake but I don’t mind one bit. Audra can mark me all over if she wants to. There’s no one else for me anyway.

“Come with me,” she whines, forehead pressed to mine. All I can do is nod because there is no way in hell the girl of my dreams is sweaty and moaning, pressed against me, asking me to come. I need someone to come pinch me. “I’m so close.”

“Me too, baby,” I assure her. Finally her eyes screw shut and she is chanting my name over and over. Her pussy is squeezing me so tight it almost hurts and that’s enough to drive me over the edge. With a loud groan and a sloppy kiss to her lips, I spill into the condom.

Audra’s body collapses into mine, dragging in ragged breaths, trying to come back down. I’m right there with her, making failed attempts to catch my breath. I reach for a strand of her hair which is currently stuck to her sweat-dampened forehead. I slide the lock from her face and tuck it gently behind her ear.

“You were perfect, Auds. How do you feel?” I ask and it’s a pathetic cover for what I really want to say.Please tell me it was as good for you as it was for me. Tell me once won’t ever be enough. Tell me you’re as ruined by this as I am.I don’t say those things though, I only wish that I could.

“I feel great. I had no idea it could be like that.” Her tone is softer, more relaxed, than usual. She wears a sated look on her face and the fear of her not feeling the same way washes away. There’s a softness to her now that isn’t usually there. One that if I’m being honest, I hope no one else ever sees.

A few months ago I was lucky to get any piece of her I could. Now though, things are different, I get pieces of her that no one else gets. I get her when she’s too in her head, because she knows I’m the one who will draw her out. I get her naked and begging in my shop. I get the softest side of her, when all her walls are down and she’s nothing but herself. Still, somehow, I wish for more. Some of her will never be enough, I know that now. I’m always going to wish I had the whole damn thing.

“C’mon let’s get you dressed so I can take you home and get you cleaned up,” I suggest, bringing the blissful silence to an end. She nods before climbing off of me.Why did I put an end to that again?

We stand up, looking for our clothes. I pull my boxers on and dispose of the condom, throwing a piece of trash over it so Beck won’t see. I reach for my sweatpants as I see her standing there, cheeks pink, fighting the urge to say something.

“What’s up?”

“I only have my wet bathing suit here.” The pink on her cheeks deepens and I can’t believe that after what we just did, she’s embarrassed to tell me she doesn’t have clothes to wear home.

“Don’t go shy on me now, Auds. Not after what we just did,” I say, tossing her my t-shirt. “Wear this over your bathing suit,” I suggest and she nods, throwing it on over the black bikini that barely covers anything.

We spend a few minutes getting our things together, hanging up the wetsuits, and locking up. I follow her out to my Jeep and get the passenger door for her. She smiles politely and gets in. Something feels off. Something feels disgustingly similar to when she kissed me and left me on the beach. I don’t think I can survive it again. I barely survived it the first time and now that I’ve had her I don’t think I can be without her.

I need to think about what I’m going to do this time because whatever I did last time didn’t work. I have to get this right. Convince her we aren’t doing anything wrong. Wearen’tdoing anything wrong. So I do probably the smartest thing I can, in the moment, and I shut up and drive. Every time I glance at her she’s staring out the window, knees tucked to her chest.

“Auds?” I ask gently. I don’t even know my plan of action. I just know silence won’t help.

“Hm?” She hums in response. Her attention doesn’t shift from the window.

“What’s on your mind?” I ask, glancing over at her again before flicking my eyes back to the road.

“Nothing,” she mumbles under her breath. I pinch my eyebrows and huff a sigh.

“Please talk to me,” I plead. I don’t care if it sounds desperate. Iamdesperate. Her eyes flick to me then back out the window. I know as soon as she looks at me what this is. She’s going to try to leave again.Shit. Shit. Shit.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” she admits, refusing to look at me.Don’t freak out.

“Why?” I ask, despite already knowing all of her reasons. Maybe I’m stalling until I can think of a reason for her to stay.

“Roman… You know why.” She exhales harshly. “Ares, what if this hurts Ares?” she says quickly. I know it’s one of her reasons but it doesn’t feel like enough to bethereason. It feels like we could easily talk to him if that was all. I hum a dissatisfied sound, locking my eyes on the road again. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat before speaking again. “It’s just a bad idea, we can’t do it.”

The words ‘we can’t do it’ send my heart into overdrive. I feel like something is missing in her explanation. I can’t wrap my head around why she is so hellbent on running from something that obviously makes her happy. If I thought for a second this was what she really wanted I wouldn’t even ask questions. I would just respect her decision and leave her alone. That isn’t the case though. I know it when she’s laughing with me, when she calls me instead of her best friends of over a decade, and I definitely knew it when we were tangled up in each other.

“What’s your real reason, Auds? I know you. I know that isn’t it,” I push. There’s a solid couple of minutes of silence. I don’t push. I don’t speak. I just let her think.

“I just got out of a toxic—No, abusive—relationship.” Her voice shakes and she pauses for a moment. “What does it say about me if I do this? If I move on already? If I get withliterallythe first guy I saw when I left.” I hear the crack in her voice and I can’t pull her into my arms like I want to so instead I reach a hand across the center console and she takes it. To my surprise, she puts up zero resistance to holding my hand. “You want to know what I think it says?” she asks and no, I don’t. I know it’ll either break my heart for her or break my heart because of her. I don’t say that though. I just nod.

“I think it says that I deserved it. That he was right about the things he thought about me.” A sob crashes out of her. My heart fucking cracks in half. “I just feel like I have to prove to myself that I wasn’t someone who deserved that. This doesn’t feel like proving it to myself.” For a moment, I’m so taken aback that I do the only useful thing I can. I pull over to the side of the road and put the car in park so I can give her my undivided attention.

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