Page 47 of After the Storm

“Is that really what you think?” I ask turning to face her. She’s nodding, tears pouring down her face, and knees tucked to her chest. My heart squeezes so hard I almost feel like I can’t take it. Seeing her like this feels a lot like the night she showed up at the house, except now she means even more to me. Knowing this is what has been in the way the whole time, that every time she’s tried to pull away, this was why. My heart just breaks for her. “Baby, tell me you don’t really think that.” Her eyes snap shut like the words hurt her and I wonder if I shouldn’t have called her baby.

“Of course I think that. I’m sure it’s what everyone thinks!” she cries out, dropping her head into her knees. I feel like I could die hearing her talk about herself this way.

“That isn’t true, Auds. You should know that,” I say, stroking her hair. “You never deserved it. I know that deep down you know that, even if you can’t see past all of the pain right now. There is nothing in the world you could have done to deserve what he did. Tell me you know that,” I plead with her. I don’t know which of us is more shocked when my voice breaks and tears fall from my own eyes.

“This is what I didn’t want,” she sobs out, gesturing to me with her hands. “To hurt you,” she says softly like the little bit of fire in her has gone out. I could throw up. Seeing her fall apart right in front of me. There’s nothing I can do and it’s nauseating.

“Tell me you don’t want this,” I say, pulling her hand to my chest. “If this isn’t what you want, I’ll let it be. We’ll be friends and nothing more. We can even go back to not talking if it’s really what you want, Auds.” I’m crying, she’s crying, it’s raining. We’re a mess. I push her palm flat to my chest, letting her feel the way it’s slamming in my chest. I give her a moment to speak, but she doesn’t. She just sits there, eyes wide, tears falling, waiting to see where I take this.

“If you do though, baby, I’m ready to fight for this. I’m ready to tell you all the reasons this could work until you run out of reasons it can’t. I’m ready to sit with you on your darkest stormiest days and be the one to draw a laugh out of you. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” I take a deep inhale and blow it out. She’s stopped crying and is now just staring at me wide-eyed. “Don’t make me walk away from this when I know how right it is. Don’t push me away because of what that piece of shit might think of it. Be selfish for once, Auds. Make this about us. If you’re worried about what people would think, we’ll lay low for a while.”

“I don’t know…” she mumbles.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I can’t,” she says, pulling her hand from my chest.

“Why?”

“Because I want you,” she admits. The admission comes out loud and firm. I’m damn proud of her for it too. “I want this.” She shakes her head. “But I shouldn’t.”

I reach across, taking her hand back in mine and pressing it back to my chest. My chest is heaving and my pulse is racing. It feels like I’m sitting on the bank of a river watching my dream float by, just out of reach. I know it’s right there, I know I could have it, but still, I can’t force it.

“Whatever you choose, I’ll still be your friend. I just hope that you’ll choose to let yourself be happy,” I say and it comes out more defeated than I want it to. I don’t know what else to say to her though. I want to beg but it isn’t right. She can choose whatever she wants and I have to learn to live with that.

“I want to be happy,” she says quietly, looking down, almost like she’s saying it to herself, not me. Then she looks up at me. “I want you. I want to give this a chance.” She speaks louder, with more confidence this time.Fucking finally.

“Thank God,” I say with a sigh of relief. A smile peaks at the ends of her mouth.

“But I don’t want to make a big thing of it until we see where it goes. I want to know this is going to work before we go rocking the boat,” she says. As much as I want to scream it from the rooftops that I have her finally, I get it. So I nod, agreeing with her.

“That makes sense.” I nod. “So for now, we’re…” I trail off, hoping she’ll fill in the blanks for me.

“Seeing where things go.” She shrugs. “Casually.” She nods. Fat chance anything between us will be casual but if that’s where she wants to start, so be it. I don’t mind the idea of starting from the beginning instead of jumping right in. I’m just happy to have her.

“Then we’ll see where things go.” I nod, agreeing with her. “Tonight things are going to my house.” I laugh. Starting the car.

“What about Ares?”

“He’s not home,” I assure her.

The drive home feels lighter with each passing moment. I’m high on the feeling of Audra Hart wanting me the way I want her. When we get back to my house, all of the lights are off except for the porch and living room lights, which means Mom and Dad are probably fast asleep. Ares and Ravyn were going to some music festival but I chose not to mention that to Audra, not wanting to make her feel left out. All that really matters is that they won’t be back until tomorrow.

I open her car door and she gets out in nothing but my big t-shirt, covering her bathing suit. Seeing her in my clothes never gets old. I walk her up the porch steps and in through the front door. Mom’s head turns from the couch to see who’s coming in.Busted.I might be 24, but I feel like I’m 16 getting caught sneaking a girl in the house. Her eyebrows raise, and her eyes go wide before a knowing smile creeps up on her face.

“What are you two doing out so late?” she asks and I can hear the laugh she’s fighting back. Few things that look less suspicious than Audra and I walking in after midnight with wet hair. Not to mention, I’m missing my shirt, and Audra is the one wearing it. Bright red spreads across Audra’s cheeks.

“We were night surfing,” I say, clearing my throat. My mom lets a small laugh slip before correcting herself.

“I had no idea you surfed, Audra,” she says, turning her attention to Audra. I can still see the look on her face, she’s teasing us. I hope Audra can see it too and doesn’t think Mom is mad.

“I don’t really, I was trying to learn,” Audra explains and I can hear her nerves when her voice shakes.

“At night?” she tests.

“We were just hanging out,” I butt in. Mom looks between Audra and me before bursting out laughing.

“I’m just messing with you guys. You can do whatever you want.” She laughs. “Secret’s safe with me.”

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