Page 57 of After the Storm

“I don’t think so. It’s beautiful but my heart is really in Doves Harbor. Plus Doves Harbor is close enough that I can come see it anytime,” she explains.

“So you want to stay in Doves Harbor?”

“Yeah. I thought about changing that when I found out that Tyler had been lurking around but honestly I don’t want to let him drive me out of a place I love so much. I think I would just do all I could to be sure he doesn’t know where my house is.” Everything she says makes perfect sense. She seems like she’s made a lot of peace with the fact that he is just around. I can’t though. I can’t stand the idea of her not being safe. I lose sleep every night we are not sleeping in the same place. I’ve at least convinced her to spend the night with Ares or have me over when her mom is out of town but it still doesn’t feel like enough.

“What if we got a place together?” I ask. It’s fucking stupid, it’s fast and I know I’ve scared the shit out of her when her eyes go wide. Fuck fuck fuck. Of course, I’d love to live with her but this was not the way to ask or the time to ask. I want to take them back; tell her I didn’t mean it, but that may be worse.

“What?” she almost yells, snatching her hand from mine.Goddamn me and my chronic foot in mouth.Nothing like the good ole rock and a hard place. Either tell the girl you’ve been in love with since middle school that you didn’t mean it and you don’t want to live with her. Or double down and scare her half to death.

“I’m just ready to look at places and move out of my mom’s,” I simply say as if that clarified anything at all. I’ll just address the moving part, and not the part where I asked her to live with me before we have even told anyone about us. She throws her arms in the air with a bewildered look on her face.

“Okay, that makes sense,” she says, nodding. Then she pauses and stops walking, facing me. “No, I’m sorry we can’t just pretend like you didn’t just drop a move-in-with-me bomb on me.”

“Are you sure? That’s kinda what I was leaning toward.”

“Roman. I’m serious,” she says, starting to walk again. I sigh deeply, following behind her. “What would even make you ask that?” she asks.Insanity. Being in love with you since middle school. Stupidity. Fear. The usual.I groan, running my hands down my face.

“I don’t know, Auds. All the Tyler stuff… I just would feel better if I could keep an eye on you and know you’re safe,” I admit as we approach the Jeep. I open her car door for her and she brushes past me in a way that I know I fucked the night up when I shoved my foot in my mouth once again. I walk around the other side and sit down, looking over at her. She won’t even look at me.

“Can you take me home?” she asks, looking out the window.

“Come on, Auds. Don’t shut me out again.” I sigh. I want to pout like a child and refuse to start the car until I get my way and she talks to me. I don’t though, mostly because that would be insane for me to. Partially though because I made this bed so I deserve to lie in it.

“People don’t even know we’re together Roman. Should I tell Ares I’m moving out of my mom’s? When he asks where, should I let him know I’m moving in with his brother?” she snaps at me and it feels like I have my tail between my legs. I really did it this time.

“I’m sorry.” Is the only response I’ve got. I’m sorry that I scared her. I’m sorry that she’s mad. I’m even sorry for saying that to her so soon. I’m not sorry though for wanting that. I probably should be, in fact I know I should be. I can’t pretend like I am though. I’ve wanted her for as long as I can remember and I don’t have an intention of losing her now that I have her.

The drive to her house is painfully quiet and tense. She looks out the window the whole drive there and what started as a perfect night is now ruined. I try to think of something I can say to fix it but there’s nothing. I come up short. Finally I pull into her driveway and my heart sinks to my gut at the thought of losing her like this.

“Auds.” I sigh, leaning my head on the steering wheel. Tears prick at my eyes.God, crying in front of her is going to be the nail in the coffin. Pull it together.

“I just need a night to think,” she barks out at me.Fuckkk.I look up at her, eyes burning. Her facial expression is ice cold until she looks me in the eye. She lets out a breath and her body softens a little. “I’m not shutting you out. I just need to process this by myself, okay?”

Every bone in my body is screaming not to let her out of the car, beg her to stay, beg her to talk to me. Instead, I just nod.

“Okay. Text me when you’re ready to talk.” And that’s where we leave it.

Chapter23

Audra

I ran.

I fucking ran again after I said no more running and I feel like shit for it. I pull my pillow over my head and groan into it as loud as my throat can handle. I don’t know why I can’t just enjoy a good thing.

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with Roman and still I feel like I need to run when it feels too real and too permanent. It’s times like this I wish my friends knew about everything going on so I’d have someone to talk to. I try to think of what Ares and Ravyn would tell me if I could talk to them. I come up short though, it’s been too long since I got the chance to talk to either of them about boy problems. I don’t even know anymore what they’d say.

It’s always been Ares, Ravyn, and me. For the most part, we all kept to our group, never really bothering to make friends outside of it. Ares was definitely the most social out of the three of us. He had more friends than Ravyn and I combined.

Ravyn had girlfriends but she never really just had friends outside of us. The only friend I really had outside of the group was Levina and she moved away. We’ve always stayed in touch but she’s never visited. She always said if she came back she knew she wouldn’t be able to leave twice.

It dawns on me that I could call her up and explain it all to her. All the times she’s called me crying about her ex, she kinda owes me one. I gave her a brief rundown of the Tyler stuff via text the night it happened. So I decide to call her. The line barely gets to a second ring before she picks up.

“Audra? Is everything okay?” she asks, concern seeping through the phone. Oh right I haven’t called in over a year and the last real conversation we had over text was me filling her in on Tyler. Since then it’s just been check ins, asking if I’m doing okay.

“Uh, yeah. I just needed someone to talk to.”

“Oh. Okay well you can talk to me anytime, you know that,” she assures me.

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